To say nothing about gift that i can't use

[Dishwashersaurous]

So for Christmas was given a very expensive membership for a cultural centre in the nearest major city by my parents.

That's very generous.

However, I work full time , and have small children who take up all my time at the weekend.

To visit this centre I will need to do it at a weekend, pay for train fare and sort out something for kids activities to make it worth the travel.

Therefore I can only see myself managing it once or twice. Which would make it very expensive per visit.

Part of me wants to say something, about the fact its really generous but when on earth do they think I will use it. They don't do childcare, and that's fine but it's not like I can say look after the kids whilst I go.

But I just don't feel.able to say anything.

Would they mind if you only manage one or two visits? Maybe the price they’ve put on it per visit is worth it to them if they think it’s something you might occasionally enjoy.

I’d try and sell it on. If not regift to someone who could use it. It’s a thoughtless gift

Is it something you would like to use? If so, can you tactfully explain to them that there are practical issues - i.e. childcare - that will curtail your ability to get the most out of it, so could they possibly do a bit of babysitting from time to time

Why don’t you ask them if you can book them in for a few days of weekend babysitting so you can use their lovely gift and also give them a chance to spend time with their grandchildren? I know you say they ‘don’t do’ childcare but maybe this is an opportunity to push for a little.

I suspect they enjoy this sort of activity themselves as do many people who are through with children. If they say they are busy just push a bit harder and say you can work round their plans. Unless they have disabilities it’s pretty mean to refuse in my opinion.

Are they expecting to come with you when you go or are they hoping that you'll be asking them to babysit?

It's absolutely something for me to do, they are not expecting to come.

And babysitting just isn't an option. So not worth mentioning.

And I can't sell it on as its in my name.

I think that they are trying to be kind, and give me a gift for me, which isn't work or children.

But the idea of having one more thing to organise and plan and fit in my life just makes me want to cry.

You would be a complete wet blanket in this situation if you did anything other than say ‘thanks for the lovely gift, I don’t know how I’m going to use it with the kids though. Are you able to watch them so I can use it? Let me know when works for you!’

if they say no- ‘ah, that’s tricky then. Do you want to see if you can get your money back? It’s such a lovely gift and so generous that it’s a shame it won’t be used’

or you can do option b) and just stew and say nothing and it goes to waste and your parents think they have done A Nice Thing

I agree with this. If they won’t do childcare after asking. Then tell them to get a refund. Totally pointless wasting money on it

I do have a husband and he can completely look after the children. Generally at weekends I take one to activity and he does the other, but on occasion can do both.

So in theory I could use it as he can do the childcare .

I know I sound like a wet blanket and I'd be telling the same thing.

I wouldn’t say anything. If you get to go great if you don’t it is what it is. Say thank you and if they ask how it was say it
was really great and I enjoyed it. No harm no fowl.

If you have a husband then I imagine they’re assuming he’ll be able to look after his children. So no, I wouldn’t say anything about not being able to use the gift, it’s not that you aren’t able to use it, it’s just that you don’t want to / are more interested in prioritising other things, which will come across as ungrateful.

Have you asked your husband what he thinks about you getting a few uses out of it? When my kids were small, my dh would have encouraged me to do something for me. In fact, he did.

I do get it though op.

I’d take it as an excuse to make sure you go 5 times a year and your husband can have the kids for the day. Have some proper me time and switch off.

Sounds like you could use this gift if you wanted to. But you're choosing not to, and being a martyr about it. Your husband can sort the kids and arrange activities surely?

Is it a theatre or something with evening performances or during the day? Why can't you go a few evenings a year if you have a husband at home?

is it only a year’s worth of membership?

If you’d like to use it then use it when your husband can take the kids for a day. If you don’t want to use it then lend it out or only use it sporadically. It’s a sunk cost anyway, so does it really matter?

Unless this is a massive drip feed you're being a bit pathetic. You have a husband who can look after the children. Go if you want to go. Don't if you don't. You also will usually have annual leave from work you could use.

I find it really strange they would give it to you without thinking about whether or not you can go!

I think this gift was to encourage you to do something lovely for yourself. Your husband can step up!

Most cultural centres have stuff for kids, take them with you!

I think you need to tell them you can't go without them babysitting or spending a fortune on a babysitter.

Is it a passive aggressive message from your parents who want to force your hand so that you get some time for yourself and husband has to look after the children?

They didn't want to come out and cause and argument by saying they think you need to do something just for you and that your husband should do more in looking after the children so that you get a break so they bought you the membership?

Usually I'd accept all gifts I don't want with grace. My best friend gives me prosecco all the time, I hate it. I've mentioned it before to her but it's easy to regift. DH finds it hilarious 😂

In your shoes with it being expensive, I'd let them know how grateful you are but you don't think you could use it and see what they suggest.

This isn't really about the gift, is it?

It reads like you feel you are running yourself ragged by being chief organiser of any and all things household/kids and this gift shows your parents don't realise/recognise that.

If you say you want to go, your husband's response should be "Ok, I'll sort the activities".

Really not trying to be snarky, but what exactly is the issue then?

Surely your parents were just thinking that your husband could watch the kids when you go?