To say nothing about gift that i can't use

[Dishwashersaurous]

So for Christmas was given a very expensive membership for a cultural centre in the nearest major city by my parents.

That's very generous.

However, I work full time , and have small children who take up all my time at the weekend.

To visit this centre I will need to do it at a weekend, pay for train fare and sort out something for kids activities to make it worth the travel.

Therefore I can only see myself managing it once or twice. Which would make it very expensive per visit.

Part of me wants to say something, about the fact its really generous but when on earth do they think I will use it. They don't do childcare, and that's fine but it's not like I can say look after the kids whilst I go.

But I just don't feel.able to say anything.

I’d take dc of all ages to an art gallery.

Would it be possible to have a conversation with them and gently explain why you will probably be unable to use the gift? Maybe they could get a refund and you could use the money for something more practical?

If you normally stay at your folks when you visit, just book a stay in with them. When you get there, tell them you plan to visit the centre, and isn't it wonderful that they picked this place as the kids can stay with them. If they protest, ask what they assumed you would do with the children.

I think that those people who suggested that my parents actually probably want me to carve out time.for me are right.

But actually it does just feel.like one.more job to organise. If I had any spare time I'd like to sleep or maybe a massage.

Our jobs are just so busy that actually at the weekends I don't want to go off by myself, I want to see the children as I.dont see.them much during the week.

Refund is not an.option.

I'm not going to say anything and I'm going to try and plan.a few weekends when I can go.

And I do.take my children to art galleries. If I take them though I will have to pay for their tickets and train fares and makes it an expensive day out.

It's a year. Book for January so you've used it once then hopefully you'll get to grab another couple of chances. Over the holidays kids activities are generally off (at least they are here) so that's maybe another chance.

I’m glad you cleared that up, so that people will stop piling on your husband.

So, I will reiterate- can’t your kids take one weekend off their activities every so often? You deserve a life too.

Pethaps cl the cultural centre and explain. Maybe they will giclve you the partial cost of it. Worth a try!

I wouldn't say anything if getting a refund or transferring it to someone else isn't an option. People get gifts they don't like/won't use all the time. This isn't really any different.

Why don't you bring the kids with you?

For them it was probably gifted as they didn't know what else to get you
They didn't think of logistics or care about them.
If you use it once or twice then so be it

If you love the gallery, then your Dh can cope a few weekends throughout the year. Otherwise, ask your parents to see if they can get a refund. I know what you mean, tho, if someone gave me free tickets to somewhere in London (I live a 20 minute train ride away), I’d never use them, weekends are just too full on.

Hey @Dishwashersaurous I have read your updates but not all the other posts so apologise if I am saying what others have said.

Annual leave all used for childcare - I hear you on that, I really do.

BUT weekends back to back with things - no, I think you can and in fact should make some time.

If there really is no time to clean in the week, then just let it slide for a week. DH can do the batch cooking (does that really take all afternoon?) while you go to the art gallery. This is assuming btw that you would like to go. If not, maybe there is something else you would like to do and for which you should maybe free up the time?

Or the DC can miss their football training or gymnastics lesson once in a wonder. The world won't end.

How about this weekend? Kids sport is probably not going on. How far away is the gallery? Is it feasible to get there (say half an hour) spend two hours there, have a coffee, and then come home? Total time out of the house, approx four hours? So from 1pm to 5pm? That's surely possible. If it is not, I think you need to take a look at what's going on.

I have three DC and yes, when they were younger I did spend a lot of time running about with them. But I still made time to do things I liked. Even an hour here and there of a weekday evening or at the weekend. It's important.

I think you should go. I also thought you were a single mom posting, but you have a husband. You can all go together, or he can easily manage a day with the kids.

You have all year, and it sounds like it's something that will be good for you. Give you some time away to do something by yourself.

Your DH can surely manage to do laundry and cook if necessary.

It will take at least an hour and a half and an expensive train to get there, so three hours travelling minimum. So even if I'm only in there for an hour or so that's a chunk of the day.

I don't think I'm unusual in this life stage of having very little spare time and money to do other things , except Work and normal life.

If I take the children I.will have to pay extra for them and also train tickets.

I'm not going to say anything and I will try and use it.

And I do go out with friends but it's in the evenings after work, not during the day.

ah OK apologies 90 mins on the train is a lot. I took it from your OP @Dishwashersaurous that it was not very far away. Can you not drive? or would that not be any quicker?

Wow, yes - I'd been assuming more in the maximum half-hour range or so for travelling to your nearest major city. That does change it quite a bit.

Complete aside but purchase a friends and family railcard, 30% off for you and kids travel for £1 each.

Useful for other things if not the art gallery.

If you don't say anything you could find yourself in the exact same position next Christmas.

Just say it was a lovely gift but it would require expensive travel, childcare arrangements, time pressures etc that mean it won't be used and that it would make you feel better if they could get their money back as you hate wasting it.

That's a perfectly reasonable conversation to have when people have brought you something expensive that you didn't want and won't use!