Husband joined gym without discussing it

[Christmasisover]

AIBU to be hurt/upset about this?

Husband joined the gym without telling me. Not only did he not tell me but he's been saying he 'needs to go sign up' yet I found gym cards in his bag today. To me this isn't a case of just doing something without discussing it. It is a blatant lie. He said he's been a member for over a month and he wasn't even sorry when I said I'm hurt that he'd lied to me. His response was very much - so what?

I wasn't looking in his bag btw and he doesn't seem annoyed at the fact that I'd found them. My toddler emptied his backpack and they fell out! On one hand he's been telling me how we need to save and we've massively cut back on spending yet he has taken it upon himself to sign up to a gym that costs £60 a month. I don't even get time to get my hair cut as I don't get time to myself without the kids or house chores etc. I find it really annoying that not only has he lied to me but the man who claims he has no time to do anything at home is now expecting to have time to use a gym that's half an hour away from home and half an hour away from work.

@Christmasisover it seems to me from reading your posts that yanbu to be upset at your dh because:

a. Hypocrisy: he has told you to cut back on spending money on this or that to save money but he isn’t applying it to himself.

b. He is unavailable much of the time and keeps telling you he is too busy to be involved in family life. Therefore he is leaving the bulk of family responsibilities to you which doesn’t leave you any time or opportunity outside of your work commitments and family responsibilities to have any time for yourself or your self care. So, he is selfish.

c. Deception. He has been lying about not having a gym membership when he does in fact have one. Which is incredibly disrespectful.

No one deserves to be treated like that. And for those accusing you of being a martyr because you simply don’t go out and have a hobby or get your haircut, wtf! What do they expect you to do? ‘Hey kids dad’s not back yet but mum needs to have a hobby so you just look after yourself until one of us gets back home, byeee.’

Good parents wouldn’t do that to their young children. If the kids are older and responsible enough to be left at home alone then she could do that on occasion but not all the time.

He is a parent and needs to spend time with his family. And just because he is a man doesn’t entitle him to neglect his family.

Some people are missing the point.

The DH is the one who has insisted on household economies recently including cancelling subscriptions to things that were being used.

The gym is 30 minutes away from work and home and he is already out of the house a lot.

When asked about joining he has basically fed OP a huge amount of flannel including saying he has never been - yeah right who doesn't go in their first month of membership.

Agree with some other posters I would be demanding my £60 a month and 10 hrs childfree per week to do what I want.

Tightness towards others and generosity to oneself is very unattractive.

Unless you don't have money to pay the bills/finances and he doesn't do his fair share with children etc this is absolutely not your business