Late mum's husband has new partner - still living in mum's home

[stepparentdilemma2023]

Hi all

Bit of a backstory, my mum remarried a new guy (stepfather - SF) in 2018. They subsequently bought a house together, which mum paid about 80% and him about 20% of, that same year.

Mum sadly was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died relatively quickly in May 2022. SF received a third of her pension in the will, which already raised eyebrows among me and my brother (mum's only children), but mum's investment into the house was protected, so we still own her share.

Since mum died, SF has continued living in the house, which has increased in value quite dramatically since 2018. He has had one of his adult children, who is a bit of a tearaway, living there on off (in life, the adult child was not allowed to stay at the house by my mum as he had been involved in drug debt and had had a brick put through the window of his own mother's house, as well as being briefly kidnapped (!!) to pay off the debt).

We have maintained generally cordial relations with SF, and had arranged via WhatsApp to see him this Christmas when my brother noticed his WhatsApp picture was a photo of him and a new woman. When we eventually did go for our Christmas meetup yesterday at the house, his wedding ring was off, several photographs of mum had been taken down, and he confessed he had been seeing a new woman for a number of months.

Brother is very disappointed as previously SF had gone on about how mum was his soulmate, he'd never love another, etc... only to enter a relationship with someone new in just over a year.

I'm not sure how I feel, because I was never as close to SF in the first place, but I do know I think my mum would've been quite upset at how quickly (in the grand scheme of things) this had all come about.

FWIW, the new woman lives independently to him (as far as we know), is apparently quite wealthy (he's landed on his feet again!) and has two children of her own.

AIBU to now think that if SF has moved on with his life to the extent he is comfortable enough to take off his wedding ring and meet a new woman, that it is time we take back the house and sell?

My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.

Sorry it was a long one!

He's a fucker based on your psychic abilities?

“I am unclear as to the exact set up of the will”

This is madness! So for all you know, he has a life interest in her 80% anyway. Hopefully not!

People saying she's "rubbing her hands" at the idea of the money - why on earth should she and her brother be happy at the idea of having a bulk of their inheritance tied up by someone who only owns 20% of the asset? It's entirely fair that at some point they will no longer want to have their money stuck enabling an unrelated person to live in a house he can't afford alone.

Just to warn you if they were married it’s it’s likely he will have a life interest as that gives you an extremely valuable iht tax break on first death which you will also benefit from. Also as they are married your mum will have an obligation to “reasonably provide” for him which would not be throwing him out after 2 years. If unmarried more likely he would just have a right of occupation which would end after a specified time.

Definitely best to keep it friendly if possible as he as a spouse is in a strong position.

I know for a fact this is not the case, I am unclear as to mum's expression of wishes wrt him moving on with a new partner, for instance. That is what I am seeking clarity on

I think it's very reasonable to want to sell the house at this point. If he was still grieving I would probably wait a while, but he's moving on so it's time. They were only married 4 years and he has means of his own, so it isn't like you are throwing him out into the streets.

he should be looking at selling if you own the majority
18 months isnt so quick my dad moved on in a month-an d apparently we just had to except it-he was with another woman we were still grieving

also didnt get any of the house

You absolutely need to check what the will says. Most say that the spouse can remain in the house until they die, and if that’s the case you can’t do anything. Before you start asking him to move out / sell up you need to look at the will. I can’t believe you both haven’t considered what it says by now, surely that would be a priority knowing what the terms are?

How in the hell is OP being judged harshly for her and her brother wanting the money that their mother left to them?! It’s actually stranger to continue to let him live in this home rent free when he only owns a 20% stake and as OP rightfully pointed out if this man remarried, her and her brother could end up with nothing!! Her mother’s wishes need to be respected and her children should get their inheritance! If he is moving on best they untangle the financial commitments from each other. Clearly none of you being rude have had step parents!

Any decent man would have approached OP about her 80% share of the house, instead of moving in his druggie son.

You don't want to tell us what the will says?

As PP’s have advised, check the exact wording of your Mum’s will and then get legal advice.

If you and your brother own 80% of the house, your SF won’t really be surprised if you want to sell it at some point. He may decide to buy you out, which would be an easy transaction all round. Do check into the tax implications as well though.

Your comment was about the money not earning them interest. Considering it has increased in value significantly since 2018 (says OP) and is money they were not expecting as their mum was well until her unexpected diagnosis- it is hardly anything they have lost money or are losing money on. They've gained almost half the value of a house each. Property always increases better than money in a bank.

Why do you need to see an expression of wishes - which she might not have done - didn’t you ever talk to her?

Well OP until you know what the will says then this whole thread is academic. It doesn’t matter what people see as right or wrong. Your Mum will have decided, before she died, if she wanted you and your brother to have your inheritance asap, or if she wanted her widowed husband to be able to live there as long as he wanted. Until you know which it was, there is nothing you can do.

@CharmedCult yes he does have to maintain the house, have Bldgs and contents insurance, can sell house and buy another one. Surplus proceeds to be held in trust for beneficiaries and next house under same provisions etc

I doubt a will would go to those details, but guess some might. Who has a copy of the will? Your brother can surely just read it, it will say in it whether or not the spouse remains in the property until death. If it doesn’t mention any clauses like him finding a new partner (and I’d imagine it would say remarried if it did, not dating someone) then you don’t need a solicitor to look at it, as you can’t start putting conditions into a will 18 months later as her husband has met someone else. I think a year is a reasonable amount of time, life is for living and you should be happy he’s happy.

That's not what you said in your previous post.

They are likely protected if he remarries as mums half remains under mums will and won’t be affected by him remarrying or making a new Will. They will get mums share - the question is when - when the Dh dies or before.

I'm not sure it matters how much your mum or SF put into the house, they were married. Surely if one dies the house goes to the other?

It's none of your mother's business what he does when she's dead.

I agree actually, a decent man who is now moving on, would surely be wanting and fully expecting to sort out the finances/ownership around a house that he only owns 1/5th of, and make sure his deceased wife’s children got what is rightfully theirs.

I think that having a new woman staying over at the house he shared (mainly owned by the OP's mum) feels a bit harsh too! Pictures and ring removed within the year.

I would start the ball rolling on selling the house, tying up your mum’s estate so that you’re all moving on in your lives but leave the bit about the new woman out of it. Maybe he’d like to downsize ?

It is if she’s put stipulations in her will.