Late mum's husband has new partner - still living in mum's home

[stepparentdilemma2023]

Hi all

Bit of a backstory, my mum remarried a new guy (stepfather - SF) in 2018. They subsequently bought a house together, which mum paid about 80% and him about 20% of, that same year.

Mum sadly was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer and died relatively quickly in May 2022. SF received a third of her pension in the will, which already raised eyebrows among me and my brother (mum's only children), but mum's investment into the house was protected, so we still own her share.

Since mum died, SF has continued living in the house, which has increased in value quite dramatically since 2018. He has had one of his adult children, who is a bit of a tearaway, living there on off (in life, the adult child was not allowed to stay at the house by my mum as he had been involved in drug debt and had had a brick put through the window of his own mother's house, as well as being briefly kidnapped (!!) to pay off the debt).

We have maintained generally cordial relations with SF, and had arranged via WhatsApp to see him this Christmas when my brother noticed his WhatsApp picture was a photo of him and a new woman. When we eventually did go for our Christmas meetup yesterday at the house, his wedding ring was off, several photographs of mum had been taken down, and he confessed he had been seeing a new woman for a number of months.

Brother is very disappointed as previously SF had gone on about how mum was his soulmate, he'd never love another, etc... only to enter a relationship with someone new in just over a year.

I'm not sure how I feel, because I was never as close to SF in the first place, but I do know I think my mum would've been quite upset at how quickly (in the grand scheme of things) this had all come about.

FWIW, the new woman lives independently to him (as far as we know), is apparently quite wealthy (he's landed on his feet again!) and has two children of her own.

AIBU to now think that if SF has moved on with his life to the extent he is comfortable enough to take off his wedding ring and meet a new woman, that it is time we take back the house and sell?

My brother is getting married in 2025 and could do with some funds for that, and I have had a couple of my own financial issues this year so am now at a stage where the money would be hugely beneficial.

Sorry it was a long one!

Hold on two ticks . How EXACTLY has your mothers 'share' been protected. ?

You say your mother was married to your stepfather. In which case it is a marital asset that passes to her legally married spouse. Who put what percentage in is irrelevant in the same way that it is in a first marriage. There's no difference.

Unless you can confirm some type of trust or other legal protection was specifically put in place and you actually KNOW you are part owners.

People say a lot of things about 'what they are going to do' with regard to their Will. Many never do anything (in which case it's all his) , she made changes you weren't aware of prior to passing away .. or you are in fact in possession of a copy of the Will then clearly sets out how this property does NOT form part of matrimonial property.

@stepparentdilemma2023 do you actually know what arrangement was made by your Mum as to the status of the house?

Were they tenants in common or joint tenants? Preferably the first if she was sensible.

Did she state that he was allowed to live there after her death until his death? If so did she put stipulations on it? eg with mine it ends with a new partner moving in, a new wife, not being used as funds for another property. We also drew up statements regarding who would pay for maintenance, costs etc.

Your post doesn't make this clear.

Like others, I think it depends on what your mum put in her will. If she simply said you and your brother had an 80% share, I can’t see how you can force a sale. It’s your step father’s house too and I would assume he had a right to live in it until he chooses to sell or dies.

a similar situation occurred with my mum. Her dad remarried then died and his widow was entitled to stay in their home until she died. Only thing mum could do was ask for confirmation that buildings insurance was in place.

I feel like people here are being overly judgemental. The op's mum has died and she owns a huge part of the house.
If two people were getting divorced you wouldnt expect that one party could just keep the whole house indefinitely without buying the other people out. I don't think it's unreasonable to discuss

The will is the answer.

My dad lives in my parents house, he owns half and I now own half. The will says he can't sell unless we both agree, and I absolutely do not expect him to sell it unless he wants to. It might be half mine but I absolutely see it as his house.

He's my dad though. If he were a man my mum had been married to who was now in a serious relationship with someone else, I can well imagine feeling differently.

There are very few people who can afford to have an asset worth hundreds of thousands of pounds sat there not earning them even a single penny in interest or rent.

There is no shame whatsoever in wanting your money out of this OP.

What a revolting comment.

He sounds like a perfectly pleasant man.

Like a pp said, quite often, people who have had the happiest relationships move on most quickly after being bereaved.

You say your mother was married to your stepfather. In which case it is a marital asset that passes to her legally married spouse. Who put what percentage in is irrelevant in the same way that it is in a first marriage. There's no difference.

This is not correct! If you are joint tenants then you own in the % you paid in eg in this case 80 v 20%. In your will you stipulate what happens to that %.

You seem to be ignoring the questions asking what the will actually says.
Your mum may have left her 80% to be divided between you and your brother with SF having his original 20%, but it depends on the wording of that.
If she said he could remain in the house for his lifetime, you can not require him to move- whether you own 40% each or not.
Even if she did not give him the right to remain for the rest of his life, you would need a court order to force him to sell if he dies not wish to.
Your mother died almost 2 years ago and was terminally ill before that. It's none of your business whether he has fallen in love again, and what your mother would think is irrelevant.

OP is letting him live there rent-free! Hardly an action borne out of dislike.

OP, was there a will?

If yes, what are the terms? You can get a copy for a small fee after probate if you don't know.

For some reason, you seem to be avoiding answering this question.

You need to get your facts straight legally first before you approach him. Find out what your options are based on the will.

Also is 18 months soon to move on?! It sounds like a long time to me.

Thank you, this is the most sensible comment I have read all thread.

I am unclear as to the exact set up of the will, to answer questions that many have been asking, as I was based abroad when it was read and executed. I have put these questions to my brother who is having it looked over by a solicitor in the new year.

Hang on I think you’re being a bit harsh! As a mother if I passed away I would want my children left behind to have money to make their life easier.

They aren’t making him homeless and would give him the chance to buy them out but the OP says her brother is getting married the funds/ house their mum has left HER children could set OP and her brother up to live more comfortably and I’m sure the mother would want that otherwise the will would not have been written that way

I am glad you feel able to make value judgments online about an individual you have never met.

No-one here needs to meet you, we can see the money obsessed words you're typing. Even pointing out that he's 'fallen on his feet' because his girlfriend happens to be wealthy.

And raising your eyebrows because your mum left him some of her pension.

Awful behaviour and yet you're happy to second guess that your mum would be disappointed in him for moving on over a year and a half after she died?

Yep that fucker. Watch how quickly he changes when he finds out OP wants to sell the house.

They'll have much more in interest from property prices than they will from banks.

@stepparentdilemma2023 then you are shooting in the dark.

I would discuss having him buy you out. If SF can't afford it, the property will need to be sold. If your mother wanted SF to get the house, she would have willed it to him.
Instead she willed it to her children, meaning that she set up the situation where he would likely have to move when she passed. Follow her wishes.

Forget the girlfriend.

What did you actually plan to happen? Both your mum, and you?
Surely you discussed this, or she at least wrote an expression of wishes?

Surely none of you expected to just leave your 80% tied up until he died?

Are you already clear on your legal position?

Keep all mention of the girlfriend out of it. As you’ve only just found out, I’d wait a few weeks - though it’ll still be obvious! And then ask him what thoughts he’d had about buying you out. Let him suggest selling up. If I were you I might lie that I was planning to buy a house to give an emotion free reason to force his hand.

If your DMs will says that he can live there until such point as he cohabits, then you can have him removed, and offer to buy him out. But it will cost you lots in legal fees if he contests that.
If, however, your mums will doesn’t state that, then you’re going to struggle to force a sale. He is classed as the legal owner, owns 20% and is the resident. You ‘own’ 80%.
If you jointly own your property as tenants in common, when you die your share of the property will pass to your estate. If you have made a will, your share will be distributed in accordance with the wishes set out in your will, but if you have not made a will, your estate will be distributed in accordance with intestacy rules.
If you wish to sell the property following the death of your partner, as the property’s legal owner, you have the right to do this. You can appoint an additional trustee in place of the deceased owner to give a good receipt for purchase monies and enable the sale to proceed. This is known as overreaching.
It is worth noting that it is the remaining legal owners who have the right to conduct the sale of the property, not the beneficiaries of the deceased’s share.
If overreaching takes place, then on completion of the sale the surviving owner and additionally appointed trustee will hold the deceased’s share of the sale proceeds in a trust. These proceeds must be distributed in accordance with the deceased’s will or intestacy rules.
If the proceeds of the sale are not distributed correctly, the personal representatives or beneficiaries entitled to the deceased’s share can apply to the court under section 14 Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 for an order relating to the exercise of the trustees’ functions.
If you own your home as tenants in common, it is vital that you have a will, as this is the only way to ensure your share of the property is passed to the correct person of your choosing on your death

OP, I am shocked that so many people think you should be ok with SF moving on so quickly with a new relationship. I think that short length of time feels extremely disrespectful to your mum and I'm not surprised that it seems very soon to you and your brother. I also can't imagine that after the death of a spouse anyone is in a fit mental state to take on a new relationship in a healthy way for several years.

Someone asked if 5 years was ok, I'd say yes, 5 to 10 years would be more acceptable. I have been widowed and no way just a year later would I have been healed enough to want or be ready for a new relationship. I also could not imagine the pain it would have caused if my mother had entered a relationship a year after my father's death and I'm absolutely sure both husbands would have hated the idea.

As SF is clearly ready to move on, if I was you I wouldn't have any qualms about starting the discussion to set the ball rolling to sell the house if there are no provisions in the Will which allow him to stay there.

Not helpful if the OP needs that money now, not some unspecified date in the distant future.

What did your mom’s will say? If it said he had a life interest in the house, you can’t force a sale.

You can check the will today using the links I posted upthread - it takes 5 minutes. A solicitor will charge much more.

Honestly, until you have sight of the Will there is literally no point asking this question.

if your mum gave him a lifetime interest those were her wishes. it doesn’t matter whether you think he’s moved on too quickly or not.