Are your kids allowed to get their own food?

[Wholetthepugsout]

Do you allow your younger children 4 upwards to go in the kitchen and into the fridge etc? Do they have to ask you first or do you just get all their food and they’re not allowed in the fridge/cupboards?

Honestly reading the replies I thought I was being overly strict and creating massive food issues!

Mine have always asked. They are now 20 and 18 and still ask. It was never intentional its just what they do and ask if they can have something or if I'm going to use in a meal sort of thing.

Mine is 4 and yes he can. Anything I want to limit is out of reach but yogurt, cheese and fruit all fair game.

He has school dinners so it isn't the end of the world if his evenings are snackier in my opinion.

Yes but then I only have one child. If I had more then it would definitely be on an individual and weekly rota basis . Children have an amazing skill of making all food just disappear in a puff of smoke when opening cupboard/fridge doors.

Mine are teens and they ask me, as does dh. How else can you keep track of meal planning?
I can’t remember when they started getting their own food though.

I think it may also come down to what you have in the house. Aside from a packet of biscuits lingering in the cupboard, we don't have anything that would be considered unhealthy. Also, if my kid chooses to snack close to dinner time, she will just eat less at dinner. I don't make a big deal out of it as I am also often not hungry enough for an evening meal and will just eat something small to get me going till bedtime.
I might have felt differently if we had cupboards full of crisps and chocolate but we don't tend to buy these things much.

Dd (10) and my dsc when I was with their dad have always been allowed to help themselves to whatever fruit or drink they want. Anything beyond that they need to ask first. I rarely say no but none of them are really snackers.

Dsc still raid my fridge when they call in! Although dss (now 20) does occasionally turn up with the ingredients of a roast and asks if I am busy cos dinner at his mum's was "shit". To my knowledge she isn't a bad cook but seems to think her kids survive on less than a new born mouse would eat.

Mine are both under 7, and need to ask before eating anything from the kitchen or cupboards.

Primarily because they instinctively seem to know when it's coming up to a mealtime, but tend to want to have a snack or toast just at that time. I've explained to them that they can have a snack after their meal if still hungry, but funny enough, they never do.

I keep popping back to this thread, it's really interesting.

For me, because I know my DC eat well at mealtimes and are not nutritionally deficient in any way, I think part of my no-snacking line is that I don't believe that hunger is something that immediately needs 'fixing' ‐it's fine to feel a bit hungry for a while if you know a meal is on the horizon. I don't want my DC to think that hunger is bad and needs to be avoided. It's just part of normal life. It's not as if they're starving.

DC1 in particular will turn to food for comfort and teen stress-relief, and needs support with riding out these feelings without 'eating her emotions'. If I had an open cupboards policy, there is a chance I wouldn't know how she's feeling as she'd bypass me and go straight for said cupboards.

It's OK to feel hungry, sad, stressed and bored. The answer is not in the cool glow of the fridge but in engagement and connection with ourselves and others.

@TheMotherSide - but what will they do in a few years as adults? They will have to at some point make their own decisions on food (and many other aspects of life).

Mine already knows if he’s hungry or not. If he’s hungry he call tell us or help himself, if he’s not he won’t snack that day. Some weeks he won’t snack for days, other weeks he’s hungrier as a growing child and will eat more. Same as an adult, there’s days I eat less, days more. As a child we could snack whenever we wanted, and as an adult dh and I very rarely snack at all.

I also think the message with helping yourself is that food is unlimited. Which it isn’t. Quite a few of us growing up pre 80’s will have experienced limited food. Shops were closed Sundays, half days and very early evening. Everyone had to meal plan really. Obviously it’s much nicer have endless choice and a full fridge but if that’s all you know, how can you appreciate the effort and resources that go into it?

The same with water. Obviously everyone helps themselves to tap water whenever they want. It’s only when you go somewhere without tap water you realise how bloody fantastic that is.

No asking in this house, everyone just helps themselves.

I hate the idea of food being controlled or restricted. They don't just eat and eat and none of us our overweight. Much better to teach them about healthy eating and general common sense such as no snacks once dinner is cooking.

No way, DTs aged 4 have to ask if they want snacks - for a couple of reasons

• it’s hard enough to get them to eat a proper meal at regular intervals and, if they had unfettered access to snacks, then they’d never eat a cooked meal.
• even with permission to have a snack they have a dreadful habit of taking something from the fridge, starting it then leaving it somewhere and asking for more fresh stuff - this encourages food/drink waste and is also expensive!

@lightisnotwhite - not really. We don’t live in uk, shops close 6pm weekdays, 12pm Saturdays, all day Sundays still. Ds knows there’s not unlimited food, if he eats the last banana he would have to have something else. Just because the food if there also doesn’t means he eats it all day. There’s a large dish of chocolate from Christmas, he’s hasn’t just stuffed the whole bowl, he’s eaten the odd piece and left the rest.

When I was a kid we wouldn't have dared help ourselves to anything, were given sufficient meals and that was that, we all had the same meal take it or leave it. Small amount of pocket money allowed us to buy a few small sweets after school, and that was it treat wise.
Now I'm of the opinion that it was not actually a bad thing, and am amazed that kids can now help themselves at any time, and that some tell their parents just what they want to eat at mealtimes so each one has different food. I don't understand why any of this is seen as a good thing? Kids growing up having whatever they want, whenever they want it, dictating to parent what to buy, what to cook, how does this not turn them into spoiled brats?

We have alway had large amounts of chocolate in the house as I eat loads of it, at least 100g a day, so it was a normal thing in our house to eat, many on here don't seem to eat it

Certainly not! We are financially comfortable so it's not about that. I offer three nutrionally balanced meals a day. Snacking, other than fruit is simply not allowed. Constant eating is how we have one third of primary school children suffering obesity. My parents believed that eating in between meals was American nonsense and I agree with them. I Don't buy snacks other than fruit. If my son requires more breakfast he is simply served more breakfast. He is a healthy weight and will remain as such while i manage the food in the house.

Nope. Mine are 9 and 12 and have ADHD so love the dopamine hit from food. They always ask and I usually say yes but will limit the chocolate and direct them to fruit or yogurt. They then serve themselves.

The food is easily reachable but they always ask. My eldest has been diagnosed with compulsive eating disorder- he's a healthy weight but that is because I keep a close eye on it. Now he is 12 he is better at regulating himself but still needs help.

They have to ask first (DDs 2&4)

Mine are grown up now but when they were small I used to keep some carrot sticks sliced up on the bottom shelf. They could always take fruit from the fruit bowl any time of day. After they were about 7 I'd leave tube yogurts on the bottom shelf too. Then baby gels. As they got to 9 or 10 they could just help themselves to anything except chocolate bars.

I used to leave a jug of weak juice in the fridge door they could help themselves to, before most fridges had water dispensers.