Are your kids allowed to get their own food?

[Wholetthepugsout]

Do you allow your younger children 4 upwards to go in the kitchen and into the fridge etc? Do they have to ask you first or do you just get all their food and they’re not allowed in the fridge/cupboards?

My son is 10 and allowed to help himself - has been since about age 4. I think sometimes, limiting access to food can make kids eat more when they are given more freedom.

He will usually get fruit/cheese/crackers, sometimes crisps or one of his sweet treats. I buy sensible amounts of crisps/sweets and he knows that once gone, that's it until the next shop. He actually doesn't eat many crisps/sweets - he'd far rather something else like cheese. Drinks he does himself- water/milk/lemon squash usually as I don't often buy fizzy drinks.
He is able to get his own cereal in the morning too.

It works well - I am fortunate that he is an excellent eater. Always eats the main meals cooked, eats veg etc. He is very tall for his age and skinny (like his dad) and does eat quite a lot but I don't worry as he is perfectly healthy and a healthy weight (probably on the lower side for his height).

Apparently my husband was the same as a kid - his mum used to joke that he had one meal a day that started when he woke up and ended when he went to bed 😂 despite this, he has been very slim all his life.

My oldest 3 (ranging from 7-12) don’t have to ask. The youngest one is only 2 and can’t reach anything for herself, so she has to ask because of that. The older kids have basically helped themselves from the time they could reach the fridge, fruit bowl, and necessary cupboard snacks. I grew up in a household where there was a lot of control around food, so I’ve been determined to be the exact opposite. Whether I’ve made the right choice we will see in time…. So far so good.

I should add - we rarely have anything other than water or milk, so they aren’t drinking juices and soft drink at all. I think it’s VERY easy for kids to drink excessive amount of calories, but 2 of mine would benefit from putting on a little weight anyhow. It’s more around wanting them to prioritise water intake.

Interesting question - my 7 year old and 4 year old do ask, we have never particularly had this as a rule, it's just what they do naturally. And snacks are all out of sight so they don't think to help themselves.

Except for fruit which is in a bowl on the table - the little one is always helping himself to apples.

Yes they can just get food when they're hungry. Sometimes if it's late at night and they've had dinner, I'll tell them that the kitchen is now closed. They're a bit older now.

I might tell them to lay off the snacks if we're going to be having dinner soon.

I read a good idea a while ago about a "yes box". You can have a box in the kitchen that you can stock up with healthy snacks and drinks that they can always dip into. I thought that was a good idea.

Glad to see more answers like this today. I was very surprised yesterday to see how many people yesterday felt that 4 year olds could make reasoned decisions about just eating whatever they want, when they want - let alone how they reach things.....

@UsingChangeofName - but they don’t just snack all day. My 3.5 year old is all to snack whenever really, unless just before meal, and I’m not that strict about chocolate either. But because it’s always been unrestricted he isn’t obsessed with it. Some days he will get several snacks if he’s hungry, but other days he doesn’t snack at all.
His chocolate Santa from Christmas he hasn’t touched yet and it’s just sitting on the side.

No, when my dc were younger they had to ask. I don't remember ever setting that as an overt rule though. That's just what they did.

I think children vary a lot on self control - my 4 year old frequently only eats a small part of a chocolate bar and saves the rest for later, my 7 year old could and has eaten himself to the point of being sick, he needs clear boundaries with food

mine don't have to ask, but they're supposed to tell if we're running low on something. Also not to leave a mess

My children are adults now.
They were all allowed to help themselves to snacks, fruit, crisps, yoghurt etc from as soon as they could.

I notice my grandchildren are the same.

Unless dinner is imminent and they are trying to make themselves a sandwich, then let them eat when they're hungry.

If you are fed properly you don't need to snack.

@VivaVivaa Exactly the same here! Mine would pick fruit/veg/cheese/crackers over sweet stuff too but I worry about the volume and portion sizes he wants so I do try to be careful.
We sit down for all meals together, eat the same healthy home cooked meals, snacks (max 2 per day) are had at the table so he isn’t eating when playing etc. I don’t restrict any foods particularly - although we didn’t introduce any sugar until he was able to ask for it himself (much to my family’s disgust 😅😂.

DS is adult now but he had to ask especially when he was younger or he might have taken something I was planning to use for lunches, I wouldn't want to go to work and all the bananas or grapes were gone which I wanted for lunch

My grandma grew up that way in the depression in the states in the 1930's. Because of that we would get in trouble if we asked. She said if you want something get it but do not ask. I'm the same way.

No, they got meals at appropriate times and snacks as deemed necessary, I didn't encourage indiscriminate snacking but they could always ask of course

No, they got meals at appropriate times and snacks as deemed necessary, I didn't encourage indiscriminate snacking but they could always ask of course

Yes they can get food whenever they like.

Are children scoffing fruit and yogurt all day, it's not very good for their teeth

I think some people are mixing up cause and effect. If your child is good at self control you don't need to control their access. If they haven't got self control they need the extra help to chose appropriately.

Mine ask.
They would eat all the fruit, biscuits, bread, cheese, yoghurt, cereal etc otherwise and not then want to eat their dinner.
I am conscious of them eating healthily so that means moderation, they aren't able to self moderate (as we had about a year of free access and they ate all the snacks and no dinner).
Some kids aren't so greedy but mine are!

I was thinking this reading some of the replies.

Unfortunately, allowing free access to healthy snacks does not mean your child will develop amazing self control. Proof of this is my DC1, who used to happily fetch himself cups of water and healthy snacks (in moderation!) from his little snack cupboard aged 2, but as he got older he started comfort eating so we had to bring in restrictions. Children are not born knowing how to make sensible food choices.

In my house we have set rules about how many snacks the dcs are allowed per day (2 pieces of fruit, 2 biscuits and 1 item from bread bin) , so they can help themselves to those without having to ask first. If they're still hungry then they have to ask.

DS is nearly 9. He always asks me I never say no.

Mine (12 and 5) have to ask, and they can't have whatever they want, I give options that they can choose from. Most* children don't make the best decisions about healthy eating and need guidance.

*I'm sure there's some marvellous unicorn children that only ever choose healthy options at a decent distance from mealtimes, in appropriate amounts

Mine are older now but were always allowed
to help themselves. Now the youngest is 16 even her friends help
themselves when they come over, I love that they feel that comfortable (and I’ve always said help yourself)

Thanks - this is my gripe. I think I’d allow them to help themself more if they cleaned up after themselves better. Drive me nuts