Are your kids allowed to get their own food?

[Wholetthepugsout]

Do you allow your younger children 4 upwards to go in the kitchen and into the fridge etc? Do they have to ask you first or do you just get all their food and they’re not allowed in the fridge/cupboards?

It's probably a phase and he's about to have a growth spurt.
Anyone who says their young kids can have whatever, whenever, is either lying or have v odd kids who absolutely never decide they want a banana/yoghurt/crackers 5 minutes before dinner.

@TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening 😅 I was beginning to worry that I had a little terror on my hands. He’s always been an amazing eater (very lucky with that, I know!) and has barely ever turned his nose up at anything in his life - except when he had covid and everything “tasted wrong” 😅 But the sheer volume of food he can put away is ridiculous 😳

Mine (6 and 3) have to ask. Sometimes they want a snack right before a meal. Sometimes they want chocolate when they've already had enough sugar for the day. They ask and I make the appropriate choice (wait for your dinner or yes these are your choices of what you can have).

Mine are 6 and 8 and ask. If not they would eat way too much.

Yes. Ds is 3.5 years and has been able to help himself since about 18 months. Obviously depends on what he wants whether he needs help. But he has been able to reach a low snack drawer which has had age appropriate stuff in from barely crawling.
He just pushes his Tripp trapp chair to counter to reach fruit bowl or fridge (berries/ cheese/ his cup of milk)

I believe in free access. Because he’s always had it he never feels the need to raid cupboards or snack constantly. Sometimes he will help himself to a satsuma or a biscuit or similar, other times he will just say he wants toast or some dried granola (needs help getting lid open), or yogurt and I will go and get it for him. But I would be happy for him to get these himself when older and able to. If he says im getting a snack and it’s 5 mins to dinner I will just tell him

Yes but she’s quite lazy so doesn’t really. I am try to make my 5 year old more independent so if she says hungry wants a snack I tell her to check the cupboard/fridge, every single time comes back saying nothing there. So inevitably I take her and run through a mum approved list. If she was less lazy she would just grab and run. My sisters son has had to be put on an ask first basis though as he literally cannot be filled. Always wants healthy but bat shit things like eating 5 apples 2 punnets of strawberries and 7 slices of toast inside 30 mins in the kitchen have meant she’s had to curb and direct more - he’s 9.

Mine are teenagers now but they could always help themselves. However, we don't typically have sweets, crisps, biscuits and cakes in the house so what they had the choice of was fruit or things to make a sandwich so reasonably healthy options. They laugh at me now because we are a 'ingredients only' household.

They could get their own breakfast without asking, from very young. Now they're pre-teen, and I expect them to get their own lunch at the weekends generally.

Snacks they'll generally ask me - although I've repeatedly told them they're always allowed fruit, I think they're always hoping I'll say yes to something else first so tend to ask rather than just grab a banana.

Mine were more or less allowed free access but they would ask by way of saying 'Just getting a yoghurt/lolly/crisps' etc. with an enquiring lilt to their words.

They were never over-eaters, unlike the grandchildren who seem to graze all day!

No I don’t because they would eat all day long they are always asking for snacks and sometimes don’t eat thier meals because of this

DD is 5 and asks. Mostly because she can't really reach anything in the kitchen without help. I don't say no though, unless it's almost dinner time (and even then I'll let her have a wedge of pepper, cucumber or carrot to munch on while she waits if she wants).

Mine has to ask. Sometimes it’s too close to dinner or they’ve already had a snack and don’t need more. Usually I give some guidance on which snack. My ds is ND and likes to chew things, so we also have those chewable necklaces. He doesn’t regulate and I find tbh a lot of children need guidance on it, although some don’t.

yes they always have been

I feel like we’re really unusual reading all these comments - I had no idea!

We have three meals a day then the DC have one ‘snack time’ at the same time each day, to bridge the gap between lunch and dinner. That’s it. DC are 8 and 10 and never ask for food, and no random snacking other than this ‘snack time’, when they are allowed to get their snack, but they usually wait for me. It works for us.

Nope, and it won't change until they are older teens.
We teach them to eat at meal times only, a snack being a meal in itself that's taken at the table etc.
If they are hungry, they ask and we adapt the meal time or the quantities depending on the situation.

DS1 (age 3.5) is identical to this down to the centiles and all. We have to be very careful with him and there is not a snowballs chance in hell we’ll be giving him unfettered access to snacks, even if fruit/veg/cheese/crackers (all of which he loves and would chose over sweet things) when he turns 4. Of course they are all healthy things but number of calories matter too.

Mine are young adults now but no they always had to ask until teens really. The fruit bowl was always available but they’d always ask when very young- couldn’t reach it for a start. I made all their meals so wasn’t any need to go in to the fridge/cupboards .

Mine have to ask and they are 12 & 14.
My youngest is overweight and would eat all day
If she was allowed. I would probably let my oldest have free access if she was an only child.

Like with everything else, they need teaching. My kid still occasionally leaves plates near the sink. As soon as I spot it, I ask her to clear and wash up after herself. 9 out of 10 times she will do it without reminders now but it did take some time to get there.

15yo yes.

5yo has to ask but I would generally say yes, especially if it's fruit, yoghurt etc. If he's asked then he can go and get it himself. They can't reach the snack cupboard but they can reach fruit and the fridge and freezer.

Fridge, counter top, and bottom cupboard yes (7 and nearly 4).

Top cupboard they can't reach so they have to ask (this is handily where all the unhealthy treats are).

However, both my older kids are more "eat to live", they wouldn't be constantly seeking out food, they have to be persuaded to eat when they are getting hangry TBH.

At 4 they had to ask.

Now they are older (10 & 11), they can access the fruit bowl and their snack cupboard independently. 11 year old will cook simple things (jacket potatoes, scrambled egg, pasta dishes) independently if everyone else is going to be late home or he wants something different to eat.

We have dialogue, not so much a ‘have to ask’ but we discuss timing and what’s available. For example the 13 year old May say ‘anyone mind if I finish the yogurt?’ and I may say ‘if your hungry it’s ages until tea, want to have a bit more or- could you start dinner off and I’ll finish it when I’m done typing this…’. I give some guidance too, like suggesting they’ve already eaten x today, why not have something else- two have a tendency to binge the same things. I may ask they don’t eat certain things, like ‘I’m using the bacon for dinner- you can cook a bacon sandwich if you’re willing to go get more before dinner’.

It was just me and DS so it was easy to control food in and out. If DS ate it all ( bread, cheese etc) he’d know there was no more until the next weeks shopping. Mostly we had ingredients but always had fruit and some favourite biscuits for DS ( I don’t eat them).
He eats very healthily and he’s now late teens. Cooks for himself and doesn’t do fast food.