Good evening everyone. Long time reader, but new poster. I feel like a horrible mother, and would love some opinions on my situation. Feel free to be as honest as you want.
I am married to a wonderful man, I'll call "William" here for the past 7 years. William has a 9yo daughter and I have a 19yo son. Together, we have 4yo twins.
My son lives with us full time, so does my daughter. The difference is that my son's father is very much involved while my SD's mother is absent.
She has always known who her mother is, but hasn't seen her in 4 years now. SD used to call me by my name, but recently she started calling me mum. I am very happy with it, she even wrote me a beautiful letter asking me to adopt her in the future.
The issue is that my son isn't happy with it. He keeps having arguments with me about how I am not her mother, and that I am betraying him. He goes " I don't call William dad so why would she called you mum". I keep explaining to him that she feels left out that everyone calls me mum in the house apart from her ( That's what she said to me.)
But , for the past week, he stopped talking to and threatens to never see me or his siblings again if I let my stepdaughter call me mum.
I refuse to tell her to not call me what she wants. She has been there since the day I have met my husband. Am I a horrible mother to not take into account my son's expectations/needs?
AIBU?
To let my step daughter call me "mum" ?
Lospecesenelrio · 28/12/2023 21:38
Am I being unreasonable?
1788 votes. Final results.
POLLRedHelenB · 28/12/2023 21:42
But you're not her mum. Could she call you mum and then your name? Having said that , it's not up to your son to decide.
CheeseWisely · 28/12/2023 21:46
Is there some other mitigating reason that a 19 year old young Man would be jealous of a 7 year old girl who doesn't have her own Mum around?? I can't wrap my head around it otherwise.
Like a PP assuming it's not SEN or ND that is having an effect here I'd be telling him to grow up, frankly.
RedHelenB · 28/12/2023 21:42
But you're not her mum. Could she call you mum and then your name? Having said that , it's not up to your son to decide.
FloofCloud · 28/12/2023 21:48
I think mum is too much as there's more than you and her involved. Why not pick another name like mama or something familiar around your own name (so
juju if you're Julie etc ... but solely for her?) or anything that can be portrayed as you being a little different in your relationship? Just tomkeep your own child/children supported too and her own mother really is her mum
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PutinSmellsPassItOn · 28/12/2023 21:45
I'd tell him to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a bellend. He's 19 not 10. Absolutely no excuse for behaving like that.
FloofCloud · 28/12/2023 21:48
I think mum is too much as there's more than you and her involved. Why not pick another name like mama or something familiar around your own name (so
juju if you're Julie etc ... but solely for her?) or anything that can be portrayed as you being a little different in your relationship? Just tomkeep your own child/children supported too and her own mother really is her mum
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