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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old keeps saying ' fucking shit ' and ' shit '

94 replies

whitenedd · 28/12/2023 21:22

Not ideal.

We try not to swear, clearly we have not been careful enough.

How do we get her to stop ?

She thinks it's funny now and we've given her a reaction ' saying OH NO YOU can't say that ' ' those are bad words '. At one point she replied ' but you say it, don't you mummy '. I said those are bad words and mummy shouldn't say them, no one should say them.

Any advice on how to take the novelty out of it all for her ?

I feel terrible.

OP posts:
Mumof2NDers · 28/12/2023 21:23

Totally ignore it!
Any reaction is a reaction.
she’ll soon stop when it isn’t having the desired effect. X

00100001 · 28/12/2023 21:25

Just ignore it...

If she gets no reaction it will lose its fun.

44PumpLane · 28/12/2023 21:25

Children are very much of the "do as I do" persuasion, so if you're serious about your child not swearing then stop swearing in front of them for starters.

Secondly give zero reaction, ignore ignore ignore.

They will soon forget what the word is.

Eta: that first paragraph wasn't meant to be judgy, apologies if it came off that way!

muchalover · 28/12/2023 21:27

Ignore. The most underused and powerful option in your parenting tool box.

YourNameGoesHere · 28/12/2023 21:27

1000% just ignore her. She's doing it because she gets a reaction and taking that away makes it pointless for her to do it.

MyDogsPaws · 28/12/2023 21:28

Do not react to it, they don’t know they aren’t supposed to use those words to just make a big effort to model some alternative words quite clearly and frequently for a few weeks and they will probably stop.

Hopingforbetterluck · 28/12/2023 21:28

Just ignore and she’ll soon give up. At least I hope so……..My nearly 4 year old keeps saying “bugger” when something goes wrong and then giving me a cheeky side eye looking for a reaction 🙈. I blame DH as I never use that word.

DoAWheelie · 28/12/2023 21:28

The only thing you can do is fully ignore it and have no reaction at all. Pretend she didn't speak at all. She's doing it to see what the reaction is and when there stops being one she'll get bored and try something else.

The world is a big experiment at that age and they try everything just to see what happens. If you punish her for it she learns that it's a way to make people angry and might continue doing it when she wants that result from people.

Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 21:29

Say "you don't fucking swear in this fucking house because otherwise people will think you're a fucking shitty shit face"

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:30

I personally wouldn't just ignore it because to me that's condoning it, I wouldn't ignore it if she drew on the wall or hit a sibling. I'd tell her off as I would any other undesirable behaviour, first time warning to explain why she shouldn't of course, but after that, consequences. Family/house dependent as to what consequences, but be consistent with how you treat any other misbehaviour.

2Old2Tango · 28/12/2023 21:30

Ignore her and make much more effort to not swear yourself. Find some other words to use instead and she'll soon copy those.

Hummusanddipdip · 28/12/2023 21:31

Ds knows swear words , because dh is really bad at managing his language. However, from the off, its always been known as "daddy language" and it can upset some people so we don't use it.
It has worked and failed. Its worked when I've sworn in front of him because I got told off for using "daddy language" but also failed as he has sworn in public and laughed because a randomer started laughing...

Honestly its just words and yes they offend some people, so I'd shut her down everytime and say that she needs to not use those words as they upset people.

pinoco · 28/12/2023 21:33

I'm in the ignore it camp.

I tell my children that in general society swear words are viewed as bad, hence why you're not allowed to say them at school. However, I don't really mind the odd 'shit' if something is dropped, etc. We all do it!

nutbrownhare15 · 28/12/2023 21:35

Ignore it. Never say it in front of her again. Worked on my two year old, anyway.

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

Northsideoftheriver · 28/12/2023 21:36

My four year old learned a few new words at school recently.
He said piss off and looked at me to guage my reaction.
Ignore, and ignore some more.
They do look for your reaction, it's just a shame when they wait until it's a quiet bit during a carol concert and shout fat bum really loudly. DS was swiftly scooped up and removed from his audience, no words spoken.

00100001 · 28/12/2023 21:37

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:30

I personally wouldn't just ignore it because to me that's condoning it, I wouldn't ignore it if she drew on the wall or hit a sibling. I'd tell her off as I would any other undesirable behaviour, first time warning to explain why she shouldn't of course, but after that, consequences. Family/house dependent as to what consequences, but be consistent with how you treat any other misbehaviour.

What's the consequence you suggest?

Lougle · 28/12/2023 21:37

My DM reportedly said "oh you can say that, but you must never say blueberries". A nice diversion that was successful.

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:38

@00100001 like I said that's dependent on the household, I'm not suggesting consequences for you, I'm sure you have consequences for misbehaviour in your house? Be consistent with whatever it is you do in your house that feels proportionate for you.

00100001 · 28/12/2023 21:38

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

Loads of people swear all over the place. I was in a cafe today and some lad said "haha ha she can fuck off" and whilst walking down the street some woman was talking to her phone and said "oh just piss off with it".

Not just parents to blame.

nutbrownhare15 · 28/12/2023 21:38

This will help the words stick in her mind and also be totally unfair. She is just copying the words she has heard from her parents. They've already 'condoned' it by saying it themselves! Ignore it and she'll forget all about it.

nutbrownhare15 · 28/12/2023 21:39

Sorry was replying to the post about consequences

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:43

@nutbrownhare15 see in our house swearing is like alcohol, it's something you can do when you're older. Ignoring it is condoning a child swearing in my view, I don't think children should swear. Mine are teens now, and they have never once sworn in front of me, of course I don't know how they talk to their friends, but they don't swear in front of me, in front family and I've never seen them swear on their phones. I was raised exactly the same, sweary parents, but never dared swear in front of them (when I was younger).

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 21:44

Ignore her as above posters have said.

I can hear my mum already lol if i said this at her age.
ME) fucxing shxt
MUM)shouts your acting like one say it again and your`ll have a sore ear.
ME) shock face.
MUM) copying peoples rude words are we do not copy me.
ME) yes mum sorry mum.
MUM) good fuxk off play with barbie.
ME) never say it in mums ear shot again,

anarchicparadise · 28/12/2023 21:44

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

Oh fuck off.

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