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AIBU?

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Original poster

4 year old keeps saying ' fucking shit ' and ' shit '

94 replies

whitenedd · 28/12/2023 21:22

Not ideal.

We try not to swear, clearly we have not been careful enough.

How do we get her to stop ?

She thinks it's funny now and we've given her a reaction ' saying OH NO YOU can't say that ' ' those are bad words '. At one point she replied ' but you say it, don't you mummy '. I said those are bad words and mummy shouldn't say them, no one should say them.

Any advice on how to take the novelty out of it all for her ?

I feel terrible.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 28/12/2023 21:45

Ignore it.

When I had children I was determined to never swear around them (also that they'd never have dummies and I'd raise them to never answer back 🤣🤣) so I substituted words.

One day I said oh bollards! In exasperation and my son said "you mean bollocks".

He was in the last year of junior school at the time so I can only assume he'd been well educated by his peers!

My point is that you will never ever stop them hearing these words. What you need to do is remove their 'power' and that includes the fun of your reaction as well as teaching them over time what language is and is not acceptable in your home.

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 21:46

anarchicparadise · 28/12/2023 21:44

Oh fuck off.

Show quote history

😆

YouTookMyUsername · 28/12/2023 21:47

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

Meh, not that big a deal, unless it's said in a sexual context imo.

Tell them it's an rude/adult word, not for children to say. And that even when you (adult) say it, it's not good.

LunaTheCat · 28/12/2023 21:48

Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 21:29

Say "you don't fucking swear in this fucking house because otherwise people will think you're a fucking shitty shit face"

🤣🤣

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:49

Meh, not that big a deal, unless it's said in a sexual context imo

And so long as not AT someone (particularly in front of kids). I swear like a sailor, but you'll never see me calling my husband a fucking bastard in an argument/disagreement, even if alone (in my head maybe...).

Goldbar · 28/12/2023 21:55

I just tell my 6yo (and have since they were 3/4) that some words are rude and not very nice so we should try not to use them. And remind others who use them (daddy) that they're not nice. And we particularly try not to use them in front of teachers, since teachers are very nice and might be shocked. Unlikely, I know, but my DC loves their teacher and would be devastated to upset them.

ChangeNameLikeIChangeSocks · 28/12/2023 21:55

I sympathise. I eliminated all of that from my vocabulary when pregnant and now am hyper aware that it is very hard to avoid, even in family films - e.g. "crap" in shrek.

SteadyEddi · 28/12/2023 21:58

Ignore it and create then regularly use a new word. Flipping heck or blooming Nora. After a while she will copy this new word

YouTookMyUsername · 28/12/2023 22:00

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:49

Meh, not that big a deal, unless it's said in a sexual context imo

And so long as not AT someone (particularly in front of kids). I swear like a sailor, but you'll never see me calling my husband a fucking bastard in an argument/disagreement, even if alone (in my head maybe...).

Yeah agreed

Mrstwiddle · 28/12/2023 22:02

My parents never swore in front of me, and I swore once (only once!) in front of my mum. My grown up child doesn't swear in front of us. I do think it's really unpleasant to hear grownups swearing in conversation with their children.

AdoraBell · 28/12/2023 22:04

Stop reacting.

DH once said Cunt when a bloke walked into him while was carrying our 2 yr old DD. It took a while to stop her saying it but ignoring did work.

mumsytoon · 28/12/2023 22:10

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

This. Awful. Can't blame the child, when the mother is speaking like this.

Theunamedcat · 28/12/2023 22:17

If they say it at school they will most likely get punished for it

I cant say i swore much around my children my (adult) daughter swears like a trooper my teenage son does not (even around his friends he is teased about it) my youngest tries to but he does get told off for it he was taught in nursery by a new starter the new starter spent a lot of time in the thinking chair over behaviour issues

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 28/12/2023 22:17

I swear a lot and my DS(6) has never copied. However recently he said for fucks sake when I dropped my tea, which was quite funny. I explained to him that it's an adult word, but if he feels the need to swear he can say rats, biscuits or heck. We agreed on fart but only in the house.

Goldbar · 28/12/2023 22:25

I'm not particularly bothered about the school angle of it. Yes, if they swear at school, they will be picked up on it, but then a whole lot of behaviour goes at home that wouldn't be allowed at school and it's a useful lesson for kids to learn that they need to moderate their behaviour in certain situations.

Sodullincomparison · 28/12/2023 22:42

Our DD5 is aware of swearwords and giggles when she says something remotely like a naughty word.

she got in the car last month and said “oh it really is pissing down”

my head spun towards DH whose language this definitely is and he looked horrified like he was in trouble. DD was oblivious as she hadn’t clocked this was a naughty word.

we ignore in the moment but discuss later on about what’s appropriate and what isn’t. If I laughed or got annoyed she would see this as a great button to press repeatedly.

lopertee · 28/12/2023 22:43

I used to just say it is adult words rather than bad words. So although I can use them, little children may not. My daughter is not a big swearer. But tbh there's a lot worse things to be worrying about, swearing has never been a priority of mine.

LorlieS · 28/12/2023 22:45

My 3 yo daughter has two teenager brothers (13 and 16). The other day she went up to our lovely little kitten and said, at the top of her voice: "Hello you fat bastard!" 😲 🫢

Goldbar · 28/12/2023 22:48

LorlieS · 28/12/2023 22:45

My 3 yo daughter has two teenager brothers (13 and 16). The other day she went up to our lovely little kitten and said, at the top of her voice: "Hello you fat bastard!" 😲 🫢

😂.

NosieRosie · 28/12/2023 22:52

Vinrouge4 · 28/12/2023 21:36

I’m shocked that people feel the need to swear like this. Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language.

I know. When the Dc starts school and the parent is called in to see the teacher about the child swearing, no doubt the teacher will be seen as the wicked witch for daring to tell the parent they are out of order.

I always feel very sad for DC whose parents use foul language around them. There’s no need. I feel it’s very disrespectful to dc. I never swore in front of my dc or my parents. It is easily doable to refrain from using foul language in front of those you hold dearest.

Summasolstice · 28/12/2023 22:59

I always swear. My 9 year old doesn’t because she knows that society frowns on it. Couldn’t really give a fuck though

Mumof118 · 28/12/2023 23:24

It reminds me of that YouTube video
”There’s a fucking goat outside”
”It’s just a goat”
“No, it’s a fucking goat!”

Anyway, ignore and then stop swearing in front of her is the best way forward.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/12/2023 23:28

qpalbfy · 28/12/2023 21:30

I personally wouldn't just ignore it because to me that's condoning it, I wouldn't ignore it if she drew on the wall or hit a sibling. I'd tell her off as I would any other undesirable behaviour, first time warning to explain why she shouldn't of course, but after that, consequences. Family/house dependent as to what consequences, but be consistent with how you treat any other misbehaviour.

Totally agree

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/12/2023 23:29

Mumof118 · 28/12/2023 23:24

It reminds me of that YouTube video
”There’s a fucking goat outside”
”It’s just a goat”
“No, it’s a fucking goat!”

Anyway, ignore and then stop swearing in front of her is the best way forward.

I saved that on Instagram and watch it frequently,makes me laugh every time 🤣

Alargeoneplease89 · 28/12/2023 23:30

My SIL washed my brother's mouth out with soap and water at that age, never said it again 😂