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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old keeps saying ' fucking shit ' and ' shit '

94 replies

whitenedd · 28/12/2023 21:22

Not ideal.

We try not to swear, clearly we have not been careful enough.

How do we get her to stop ?

She thinks it's funny now and we've given her a reaction ' saying OH NO YOU can't say that ' ' those are bad words '. At one point she replied ' but you say it, don't you mummy '. I said those are bad words and mummy shouldn't say them, no one should say them.

Any advice on how to take the novelty out of it all for her ?

I feel terrible.

OP posts:
Alaperchoine · 29/12/2023 07:30

😂😂

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 29/12/2023 09:02

AhBiscuits · 29/12/2023 07:14

People who are just sweary and can't help it, do you swear when talking to clients / customers at work? If you're a teacher, do you swear in front of your class?
Everyone is capable of using appropriate language for the situation and I think it is awful to see people swearing in front of their small children. There is no need. There is nothing funny or cute about a 4 year old saying fuck.

No, because when I'm at work I'm in a uniform and a professional environment. At home I'm comfortable.

cinematographersparty · 29/12/2023 09:36

Dynamoat · 28/12/2023 21:29

Say "you don't fucking swear in this fucking house because otherwise people will think you're a fucking shitty shit face"

😂

YouTookMyUsername · 29/12/2023 09:39

HeddaGarbled · 29/12/2023 00:11

Who uses the word fuck in front of children? You can hardly tell your children it’s wrong if you are using the same language

Absolutely. Call me a pearl-clutcher (some of you will) but what on earth do you expect if you use that sort of language in front of a 4 year old? Good luck with the “adult word” hypocrisy, like that’ll work 🙄

I used to work with teenagers training to work in childcare settings and it was one of the first things they had to learn: they need to moderate their language when with children. If 16 year-olds can do it, adults certainly can.

The adult word hypocrisy works for us.

We've never had a swearing incident (and yet there's people here who say they never swear and their children pick it up).

You can be swear and also moderate your language.

I don't need to say 'get the fucking bread and make yourself a shit sandwich'.

But I might swear if I bump myself. Or if I'm talking about something with my partner that is annoying.

Such pearl clutching, must be exhausting

Whattheheckcarer · 29/12/2023 09:41

Say another word and pretend it's a swear word, hopefully she'll repeat that.

Faceache45 · 29/12/2023 09:42

Totally ignore it. No reaction at all. Don't acknowledge it just internally cringe. My DC was shouting dickhead everytime we joined the motorway. Daddy and his road rage. She stopped after a while.

AnnaMagnani · 29/12/2023 09:46

Ignore. My DM has a nice story of when I first learned the word bugger.

Apparently I worked myself into a frenzy desperately trying to get a reaction out of her before giving up. She thought it was hilarious and kept having to sneak off to laugh.

Didn't bother swearing again at home for 20 years.

HeddaGarbled · 29/12/2023 11:09

Well it took a page before I got the ‘pearl clutching’ insult, though the ‘frothing’ was immediate.

I wonder if there’s a correlation between people who think casual use of “fuck” in front of 4 year-old children is fine, and people who can’t have a discussion without being rude to people who disagree with them.

Flyhigher · 29/12/2023 11:35

Say shoot rather than shit.

YouTookMyUsername · 29/12/2023 12:25

HeddaGarbled · 29/12/2023 11:09

Well it took a page before I got the ‘pearl clutching’ insult, though the ‘frothing’ was immediate.

I wonder if there’s a correlation between people who think casual use of “fuck” in front of 4 year-old children is fine, and people who can’t have a discussion without being rude to people who disagree with them.

Pearl clutching.

What's the big deal? Maybe you can explain.

OneTC · 29/12/2023 12:48

As a family we swore a bit in front of kids but told them it was because we had driving licences and they too could start to swear when they got theirs. It was surprisingly effective Grin

Abouttimemum · 29/12/2023 12:52

Just ignore it. My 4yo current faves are butt crack and ballsack. He finds them hilarious. I have no clue where he gets it from as DH and I don’t wander around saying such things (we are much more likely to be saying shit and fuck).

school I guess

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 29/12/2023 13:33

Ignore but you replace a phrase for it, so drop something and say 'Sugar Puffs' or anything really, so they think thats the next phrase to add to their vocabulary!!

RosaBaby2 · 30/12/2023 18:09

Abouttimemum · 29/12/2023 12:52

Just ignore it. My 4yo current faves are butt crack and ballsack. He finds them hilarious. I have no clue where he gets it from as DH and I don’t wander around saying such things (we are much more likely to be saying shit and fuck).

school I guess

😂😂😂

SandandSky · 30/12/2023 19:50

NosieRosie · 28/12/2023 22:52

I know. When the Dc starts school and the parent is called in to see the teacher about the child swearing, no doubt the teacher will be seen as the wicked witch for daring to tell the parent they are out of order.

I always feel very sad for DC whose parents use foul language around them. There’s no need. I feel it’s very disrespectful to dc. I never swore in front of my dc or my parents. It is easily doable to refrain from using foul language in front of those you hold dearest.

Show quote history

Not all kids learn it from their parents though, or from being in a house where swearing is the norm.

I’m not much of a swearer anyway but do make the effort to avoid it in front of my children.

DC5 said “oh shit!” yesterday when something made them jump in a film and I asked where they heard it…

Ghostbusters.

I also have a DSis who swears like a trooper and occasionally they let it slip by accident. Or my kids hear other people swearing in the street.

I am not saying I condone swearing in front of kids. Neither do I condone people judging parents as terrible people because they might have accidentally said a “bad” word in front of their kid who they live and don’t want it repeated

ChangeNameLikeIChangeSocks · 05/01/2024 16:44

SandandSky · 30/12/2023 19:50

Not all kids learn it from their parents though, or from being in a house where swearing is the norm.

I’m not much of a swearer anyway but do make the effort to avoid it in front of my children.

DC5 said “oh shit!” yesterday when something made them jump in a film and I asked where they heard it…

Ghostbusters.

I also have a DSis who swears like a trooper and occasionally they let it slip by accident. Or my kids hear other people swearing in the street.

I am not saying I condone swearing in front of kids. Neither do I condone people judging parents as terrible people because they might have accidentally said a “bad” word in front of their kid who they live and don’t want it repeated

Edited
Show quote history

Just to point out, the original Ghostbusters film from 1984 is a 12. It was upgraded in 2011 because of sex references, but even a PG rating would indicate potential bad language.

NosieRosie · 06/01/2024 01:10

Kids learn what they live. Why would any parent allow their young to D.C. to watch a film that they know contains foul language?

As a teacher I feel sorry for the 7 year olds in my class who think the foul language, they have learnt from their “cool” parents, to be “Normal vocabulary”. The children soon learn that what they have learned from their parents will not be tolerated in a social setting. It’s the kids that suffer from their parental teachings. What chance do these kids have in life when their social skills are scuppered from an early age simply because their parents are unable to present themselves as a good role model.

The children who behave according to societal norms will always gain adult approval. Nobody takes easily to a child with a foul mouth.

What parent would willingly invite a foul mouthed child for a play date? I find it extremely sad when a foul mouthed child is excluded from a class birthday party. There again, I can totally understand why.

I’ve had parents questioning why their child hasn’t been invited to a birthday party of a child in their class. They have no idea why - but are proud to announce that they take no issue with their 5 year old using the f word. After all “fuck” is just a word. Right? Until it becomes obvious “fuck” isn’t a word that will be tolerated from a child. It’s always the child that suffers from the ignorance from his/hef parents. I always feel very sad for the child when they realise they have been a social outcast throughout their childhood simply because their parents(s) are clueless.

ImustLearn2Cook · 06/01/2024 11:38

My dd as a toddler only heard swear words from our very loud neighbours. We lived in a small block of flats. Her bedroom window faced the carport. One group of neighbours hung out in the carport drinking, smoking, socialising and behaving quite badly. Such a relief when we finally moved.

I stand by my approach to not make a big deal of her experimenting with swear words based on my understanding of child development.

And as for parents who swear in front of their children occasionally or often, it is their home. Home is where you can relax and be yourself. Also, not everyone finds swearing offensive. I don’t find swearing offensive.

Fortunately, I have never witnessed a child being ostracised for using swear words.

I always feel a bit sad for kids who unfortunately have a judgmental, incompetent, prejudiced, arrogant teacher who shows contempt towards parents, contempt for young children still learning and a lack of understanding of child development.

LakieLady · 06/01/2024 13:25

LorlieS · 28/12/2023 22:45

My 3 yo daughter has two teenager brothers (13 and 16). The other day she went up to our lovely little kitten and said, at the top of her voice: "Hello you fat bastard!" 😲 🫢

Lol'ing a this! Partly because I used to have a massive cat, who was affectionately known as Fat Bastard.

I'm a potty mouth from a long line of potty mouths. I can only have been about 4 when I was told that I must never, ever say "fuck" or any variant thereof in front of Grandma, Auntie Eileen or at school, because some people think it's very rude.

And I never did.

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