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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are we being overly strict with screen time?

98 replies

Cthmta · 28/12/2023 09:47

Spending time with family this week and we’ve had several comments that we are overly uptight/precious about the amount of tv we let our just turned 4 year old watch. I feel like we are maybe a bit stricter than average but not overly so? Her daily routine is to watch a 10-15 minute show in the morning and then another in the evening before bed. So 20-30mins of tv per day. We also don’t let her have cartoons day to day so instead limit these to CBeebies/CBBC shows which aren’t animated. Once a month or so we will watch a Disney/Pixar film if it’s a rainy weekend. If we ever make any offhand comments about feeling a bit tired after several days in a row of childcare we now get told it’s because we don’t let her watch tv enough and we’re being martyrs, which is a bit annoying! Do most people let their 3/4 year old kids watch a lot more tv? Are we just making things unnecessarily hard for ourselves by not putting it on more especially over the winter when you’re stuck inside more? Our friends all have much older kids so not sure what is normal at this age!

OP posts:

JMSA · 28/12/2023 09:48

You definitely need to lighten up

Bingobatman · 28/12/2023 09:49

Yes I imagine most kids watch more but if you’re managing to keep her screen time down and she’s happy doing other things then that’s a good thing.

Daisies12 · 28/12/2023 09:49

Yes. There’s really limited evidence for the negative effects of screens for kids. You’ll have far more negative effects from being so uptight and rigid. Just chill out

mynameiscalypso · 28/12/2023 09:51

What's wrong with cartoons? I love things like Go Jetters and Octonauts.

Appleblum · 28/12/2023 09:53

I think what you're doing is good! When my kids were that age I let them choose an episode of cartoon each but they get to watch it together, so that's about 40 mins per day. On weekends they got to choose 1 extra episode together.

WonderingWanda · 28/12/2023 09:55

I don't see a problem with it day to day if she's happy but how did this come up? Were you very rigid about it over Christmas? I tend to throw rules about screen time out of the window when we are couped up indoors like if everyone is ill or its Christmas.

Missingmybabysomuch · 28/12/2023 09:56

It always surprises me how pro screen time lots of people are when even 30 years ago it didn't exist in the same way. There were no on demand, no tablets, no dedicated kids tv channels and literally it switched off at 6pm 🤷 kids survived for generations without being needlessly attached to screens. If you are keeping your 4 year old happy and occupied with limited screen time then it sounds like you are doing just fine and should keep doing you. But yes, if there is a day when you're all knackered or under the weather and need respite then I think that's fine too (that's when the Andy Pandy vhs would come out when I was little 😄)
As with most things parent wise - you do you. Don't worry about other people. We all have different priorities, some are more bothered about diet or fresh air or exercise or screen time or whatever. But if its working for you then that's the important thing.

Liquoricetoffee · 28/12/2023 09:56

If it helps, I wish we were more like you. My just turned 4 year old watches a couple of hours a day at least and it’s hard going back to less once you’ve offered more!

Babyblackbear78 · 28/12/2023 09:56

My dc both had unlimited screen time. Now they’re 18 and 23 have tv’s in their room but never turn them on!

Howbizzare22 · 28/12/2023 09:58

Massively, massively over strict. I feel a bit sorry for the kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

KissTheRains · 28/12/2023 09:58

Screens don't cause harm, unhealthy habits around screens cause harm, restrictions so tight counts as an unhealthy habit imo.

The more you say no, the more they'll say want.

Now I'm not saying plonk kid in front of a screen 20 hours a day, that would also be an unhealthy habit, teaching them there's a time and place is the better option.

So if it's raining outside and you've no other activities planned indoors then cartoons, films and kids YouTube etc for a couple ours is fine.

The test for me has and will always be their reaction if I say 'turn it Off'
If they kick off a d refuse and get upset, they've had too much.
If they simply turn it off without fuss, that's about what I want.

CoatOfArms · 28/12/2023 09:58

I understand why you would want to limit TV time. I don't understand why animated TV shows are so much worse than other sorts of shows though.

Em94 · 28/12/2023 09:58

I think screen time on iPads and screen time on the tv is a bit different and personally let my children watch Netflix/Disney/cartoons on the tv sat on the couch as much as they like.
But iPads/YouTube are limited to certain times of day as I think they get addicted and it has a big impact on behaviour

BabyYoshke · 28/12/2023 09:59

I think it’s great that you’re doing without loads of TV. Less TV means more interaction with the real world. It’s none of anyone else’s business. People who judge you are telling on themselves.

SausageCasseroles · 28/12/2023 09:59

Yes

Some of the cbeebies cartoons are brilliant. Theyre mostly educational
Mine learnt numbers with the help of number Blocks.

And I absolutely love Bluey (can't remember what service that's on)

We're not pro having it on all day, and were seem as strict, but we werent this strict. We do tend to turn it on for something specific.
But an evening/afternoon a week watching a few episodes of something (movies were too long for us for a while) is fine
And it's the perfect age for cartoons!

WaitingfortheTardis · 28/12/2023 10:00

I think there's being sensible about not having too much tv time and then there's sticking too rigidly to set rules. If on some days it ends up being more it isn't the end of the world. I also wouldn't worry about cartoons, they can be great for getting their imaginations going. I also remember dd learning lot about sea life thanks to Octonauts and that's an interest she still has now.

Trieditall · 28/12/2023 10:01

What’s the point in 20 minutes?

Sommerled · 28/12/2023 10:01

Why no cartoons? My DC is a walking encyclopedia on marine creatures thanks to Octonauts and could give David Attenborough a run for his money!

WandaWonder · 28/12/2023 10:01

We tried not to have it on too much but also it was a way for our child to interact with others at nursery then school, and we didn't really have set rules as I find that stifling

If we felt a behaviour was something we needed to act on or something else we dealt with it there and then

I just felt we were raising a child not an army sergent in training

And no we did not have any philosophy or some set anything we just changed what we needed to

Singleandproud · 28/12/2023 10:01

I think anything managed so strictly is probably not ideal. I try to think how many of the choices I make are because she is my PFB (Precious First Born) and think how many choices I would still make if she had older siblings and try and strike balance in the middle.

At Christmas and spending time with others I would certainly allow more even if we went back to our normal routine when we returned home or back to normal, non-holiday schedule. I think (like adults) children get annoyed when their TV watching is interrupted suddenly but if you have boundaries and clear expectations so give warnings before telling them it's time to change activity after X programme you shouldn't have issues

TV is also what you make of it, sitting down watching together is always going to be better than plonking them in front of the TV alone (although there is a time and place for that too). You can then have conversations about what they've seen, link visits to the zoo/aquarium etc to TV shows to give hem context.

Lots of children's TV shows are educational, Cbeebies is for 3-8 year olds I think and CBBC more for 6-12 year olds so use that to guide your choices. Octonauts is fantastic all of the sea creatures are real and it's very educational.

SoIRejoined · 28/12/2023 10:03

You are doing nothing wrong, at that age children should be having lots of physical activity as well as doing art type activities to prepare them for writing. While I don't think there's anything wrong with TV, large amounts of time watching TV means kids are missing out on other activities which they need to develop.

I would maybe allow a bit more as she gets older, but I think the people criticising are just feeling defensive because they are lax about screen time.

sandyhappypeople · 28/12/2023 10:06

So she watches non animated programmes for 30 mins a day, and only watches cartoons once a month?

them yes I’d definitely say you’re in the overly strict category and you’re family are right in saying you seem to be martyring yourselves when you moan about being tired.

if you were my family member I’d worry about your strictness over such a trivial thing, and wonder what else you control so rigidly, how did it come about?

CattingAbout · 28/12/2023 10:07

I think limits are a good thing day to day, but like pp I don't understand the no cartoons thing at all, and if I was flagging with the childcare over the holidays I'd definitely relax it a bit otherwise that is being a martyr.

s4usagefingers · 28/12/2023 10:08

I’ve not had a TV until a couple of years ago. Since my son came along we have him watching tv and the tablet. Everything is OK in moderation. We will often sit down together and it becomes more of a social time. I draw the line to TV in the bedroom though. I should add that I’ve not turned out any better than anyone who owns a TV other than having less to talk about in the office.

Moccasin · 28/12/2023 10:09

Most people will tell you to lighten up or you’re too strict, but even if there is no evidence that too much TV is bad for kids, it doesn’t mean they need to watch more.
We don’t have TV on at all during the day, but 8 y/o watches 15-30 mins in the evening, then a film at weekends. Sure he would watch more if we had TV on or offered it, but as it is he doesn’t ask or expect to watch any more than that, and is instead happy to read or play.
So if more TV than your kid currently watches is not necessary, then don’t feel pressured to put it on just because visitors or MN tell you that you should.

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