Are we being overly strict with screen time?

[Cthmta]

Spending time with family this week and we’ve had several comments that we are overly uptight/precious about the amount of tv we let our just turned 4 year old watch. I feel like we are maybe a bit stricter than average but not overly so? Her daily routine is to watch a 10-15 minute show in the morning and then another in the evening before bed. So 20-30mins of tv per day. We also don’t let her have cartoons day to day so instead limit these to CBeebies/CBBC shows which aren’t animated. Once a month or so we will watch a Disney/Pixar film if it’s a rainy weekend. If we ever make any offhand comments about feeling a bit tired after several days in a row of childcare we now get told it’s because we don’t let her watch tv enough and we’re being martyrs, which is a bit annoying! Do most people let their 3/4 year old kids watch a lot more tv? Are we just making things unnecessarily hard for ourselves by not putting it on more especially over the winter when you’re stuck inside more? Our friends all have much older kids so not sure what is normal at this age!

Also, watch with them and talk about it.

At that age, the TV went on late afternoon, while I was preparing dinner for DS. I would also put his box of Duplo down too. I would pop in and out to make sure he was OK. That was the start of his bedtime routine. 30 mins of CBeebies, dinner, bath, In The Night Garden then bed. I didn't have a problem with him watching TV, but all the while he was happy without it, i avoided it during the main part of the day.

He was about 5 when he discovered the TV worked earlier in the day. I woke up one Saturday morning to find him watching something rather unsuitable 🤣🤣.

Yes I do think you are too strict - there is nothing wrong with family film nights, watching peppa pig, guessing who did it watching scooby doo or singing along to horrible history tunes! My kids didn’t watch TV all the time they played, went to the park, baked, visited friends, swam etc - but blimey poor kid let her have some down time!

Nothing nicer in winter than watching a family film with some snacks! The kids used to watch the films and want to talk about the characters or the plot or what we all thought would happen next, its not learning so to speak but its discussion/ conversation and a bit of fun - why is that restricted?

Childhood tv programmes are a fondly remembered part of childhood. My twenty somethings still remember them now.
It's risk v benefit isn't it? I'd say you've gone too far the other way.

I let my 4 year old watch as much as they want, but they won’t watch it all day just a few hours with a mixture of playing or have it on in the background . It’s great for after school it helps mine decompress from the day and relax it’s actually really helpful.

I don't think you're too strict. I think some of the previous comments sound melodramatic and defensive. We have the TV on for about 25 mins in the evening a few days a week so I can cook in peace. I'm not against screen time at all and I do think it can be really educational - Miss Rachel was great for speech when he was little - but I will limit it as much as I can while his brain is still developing. No skin off my nose how other parents do it - different children, circumstances, needs etc. I trust parents to know best and I don't judge.

However if you're feeling too tired and overwhelmed maybe relaxing the rules will be an overall net gain as you'll be more rested and more energetic and engaged with a bit of a break? Maybe that's what your family are trying to suggest?

We have less TV than you as it's only allowed when doing the food shop in the trolley once a week.
We might occasionally put it on in the week but not very often as behaviour changes for the worst if we have it on too much.

You're going to need to show me where I said it was "one or the other". I referred to "too much screen time".

I think most studies show screentime is harmful of done instead of other activiyies that are developmentally important like play or conversation for example. Screentime in itself isn't such a big issue if programmes are age appropriate.

Do as you please but ask yourself what's behind your decision?

We probably use a bit too much tbh but she loves nursery rhymes and songs (2 years old). She knows the words to loads of songs and all the hand actions. My family is quite musical so I don’t know if she has an aptitude for it naturally or if it’s cause I’ve always had nursery songs playing in the background. My point being I think there’s a time and a place and being choosy about what you put on.

Do they never get to watch movies? That's kind of sad! We love to sit down and watch a movie together on a Sunday afternoon.

We let them have it on when they want and to be honest they choose to play with toys more than they’re watching TV. I do have a rule that Netflix and Disney are for after 5pm though because some of the crap on Netflix is dreadful whereas CBeebies and CBBC stuff is largely fine, with some good educational stuff in the mix. I can live with them having the odd back to back binge of Operation Ouch or whatever, but I draw the line at endless Gabbys Dollshouse.

100% with you on this

As a child when ill I was stuck in the bedroom with books god it was cold in the winter. Not much TV when you were well so we were out most of the time.

As a mum a bit more TV suitable for my children was useful when they were ill. But they were mostly outdoors.

As a grandmother it's all streaming Disney mostly so a deliberate choice. You tube is banned in our family for the children, there's a good reason for this.

TV is a useful servant but a bad master.

Kids get antsy sitting still, so walks, parks, Etc are still important.

I don't think you're doing a bad thing, day to day, but I would loosen up in the holidays. And some cartoons are great, we're well past that stage but DS used to love Octonauts. He still has a great knowledge of sea creatures!

It always surprises me how pro screen time lots of people are when even 30 years ago it didn't exist in the same way.

30 years ago we had a TV and watched it every evening after homework before bedtime. Well over an hour a day

I'm 40 so 30 yes ago I was 10 and our TV was on more.or less all day. We're 5 very well adjusted adults with professional jobs, happy relationships and no addiction issues.

Screens are not the devil. Of course there's extremes of plonking kids in front of a screen all day, but you really don't need to be this uptight about it.

My six year old will have an hour of TV in the morning then we will play/do other things for a few hours then maybe another hour after lunch then play for a couple more hours then a bit more TV before we go upstairs and play/read/get ready for bed etc.

He gets plenty of time playing and going out and drawing, painting etc. And I spent loads of time playing with him and doing things.

It's pissing it down today and dark so he'll probably end up with a total of about three hours screen time but that's fine by me.

You're doing just fine OP. If it works well for you then stick with it. Don't worry about what others think.

You may need to change restrictions as they get older.

But in reality no one really needs tv, its just something we have got used to but isnt necessary.

Also, friends, visitors, MN dont live with you. Just because they do things differently, it doesnt mean that will be right for you.

Personally it seems like you're treating TV as a bad thing. I have nice childhood memories of relaxing in front of my favourite cartoons, enjoying Disney films etc, I bet you do too, don't we all like to unwind in front of screens?

You could definitely loosen up around it, as PPS have said, TV can also be very educational.

My theory is that I think you can tell if kids are watching TV too much if they start getting America accents!

Screen time isn't bad for kids per se but because of the way we engage with screens, it's much less good for brain development than other activities such as listening to stories (especially if read by a caregiver), listening to adults' conversation around them, or, when old enough, reading. Or any form of creative play.

So the issue with screens is one of opportunity cost - it isn't bad for kids, it's basically neutral - but it can end up taking up time that then isn't used for activities that are actually positive for language development etc.

Given this, I think limiting it is admirable and certainly not doing any harm.

I wasn't really allowed to watch TV much as a kid and I could read by the time I was 3 - just so I had something to do / a way to entertain myself! It hugely helped me when I got to school, and that academic success has had a positive effect on my whole life.

30 years ago.. 1993
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animated_television_series_of_1993

The Animals Of Farthing Wood

Animaniacs
Rockos Modern Life

The Nightmare Before Christmas was also released in 1993

The lion King came out in 1994..

It wasn't long after this that Dexter's Lab, Johnny Bravo, Powerpuff Girls etc were released.

There were some amazing shows in the 90s.

Keep going!!! I say... excellent parenting and your family should be cheering you on. I'm a secondary school teacher and have been for just over 10 years. The change in our young people over this past decade is terrifying. Attention span, patience, their ability to communicate and their willingness to get involved with activities that do not involve technology have all deteriorated. We were not made to live like this! I allow my 2 DS3 and DD2 to watch TV on a Sunday afternoon. We watch TV together and we try to watch either a film or a couple of Julia Donaldson episodes. I'm not an uptight parent... my children have a lot of freedom... when they are outside... but... screen time is unapologetically limited. The argument that children have had screens for years just doesn't sit well with me. Technology has changed. My son once watched an old episode of Thomas the Tank engine and promptly told me that it was very boring. The first time my 2 came across an advert also...! Confused. Screens today are designed to hold your attention and I believe that our young people are being adversely affected. My 2 do not miss what they have never had and they very rarely ask to put the TV on. Keep limiting screens. Get them outside. If it's raining, put a coat on.