Are we being overly strict with screen time?

[Cthmta]

Spending time with family this week and we’ve had several comments that we are overly uptight/precious about the amount of tv we let our just turned 4 year old watch. I feel like we are maybe a bit stricter than average but not overly so? Her daily routine is to watch a 10-15 minute show in the morning and then another in the evening before bed. So 20-30mins of tv per day. We also don’t let her have cartoons day to day so instead limit these to CBeebies/CBBC shows which aren’t animated. Once a month or so we will watch a Disney/Pixar film if it’s a rainy weekend. If we ever make any offhand comments about feeling a bit tired after several days in a row of childcare we now get told it’s because we don’t let her watch tv enough and we’re being martyrs, which is a bit annoying! Do most people let their 3/4 year old kids watch a lot more tv? Are we just making things unnecessarily hard for ourselves by not putting it on more especially over the winter when you’re stuck inside more? Our friends all have much older kids so not sure what is normal at this age!

Definitely extremely strict. A film once a month is nuts. Twelve films allowed a year??

Most children certainly watch a considerable amount more TV or gadget screens than yours, but that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. If your child is happy, and you are happy, there isn't really a problem is there. I really wouldn't give it any more thought than that.

Way too strict!

I get it, I was pretty much the same when DS was very small, I hated to see tiny babies propped in front of a screen (still do!). However, by 4 most children are in some sort of a routine of nursery or even school and need a little bit more down time.

We never had the tv on in the morning - actually our kitchen was upstairs and the TV downstairs now I think about it so it wasn't a conscious decision - but say we'd been out doing stuff and I needed to get on with something in the house, by 4 then I'd let DS watch TV. Or if he came back from nursery absolutely shattered. Or I was shattered.

I mean, it's up to you but I don't think a little easing of the boundary would do any harm.

The prejudice against cartoons is bonkers though. Cartoons are ace. And CBeebies' output is world-class.

I'm pretty strict with screen time but I allow more than that and especially over the holidays.
I'm more strict with tablet, gaming and phone use rather than tv. There are some excellent shows and my dc have loved all the wildlife and space documentaries. We watch films fairly regularly.
There's nothing wrong with what you're doing though.

I too don't get the cartoons ban. Re time, it's pretty much each to their own, but you probably don't need to have such exact timings. Some days it could be none, others double that, depending on the day.

What do you get out of so tightly controlling screens to this extent?

Lots of tv shows for children are very educational.

Our TV is on all the time but my boys hardly watch it, they run around and play and dip in and out. I think by restricting the tv so strictly you’re making it into a “big thing” that is going to make them feel really happy and warm for the brief times they are allowed to watch. When they need a pick me up when they’re older they’ll go straight to the tv, and probably end up watching more than in a household where it wasn’t a big deal.

Why are you limiting her screen time?
Is there something kind of background issue going on?

I also found that my DS watches more TV than that in Reception. They often have it on at the end of the day so the kids chill out before home time.

I personally am not too strict on tv- except it’s mainly cbeebies and little tablet time- a communal tv whilst they colour or play is fine imo.

but every parent is allowed to enforce their own boundaries- some are stricter with food, for me I’m strict with bedtimes (no coming into my bed, lights off at a decent hour). Each to their own

I’m a child psychologist and deal with this stuff every day. I think everything in moderation is a good approach and perhaps you’re a bit strict. However, those saying that there are no negative impacts of screen time are unfortunately wrong - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10353947/

It’s much more complicated than any time in front of a screen is bad though. Some programmes are very high paced with lots of flashing, screen changes etc designed to constantly keep a child’s attention (cocomelon being a prime offender of this). This means that some children then struggle with more slow paced stuff, such as sitting listening to a story at school. There are slower paced programmes which don’t have this impact, eg Sesame Street has actually been shown to have a positive impact on cognitive score. However, screens in all day every day do have an impact so it’s right to limit. A rule we try and use at home is shared screens, not individual screens, so trying to watch things together where we can. I also tend to choose older programmes or things like bluey which aren’t very high paced. Trash truck on Netflix is meant to be very good for that.

It does bother me slightly that every other guideline, many parents seem to take very seriously on here, such as no weaning before 6 months. Yet guidelines around screen time are just ignored or seen as wrong, when those that work with kids will tell you that their attention and ability to play independently are worse than ever. You’ve also got individual differences - some kids will be super sensitive to even just a bit of tv whereas others can watch hours and it has no impact. I know myself that if I get drawn into tiktok or YouTube my ability to watch longer programmes gets worse and I have to force my self to read because I’m not getting the constant ‘hits’ from short video, that’s what some kids tv and YouTube does.

My kids watch tv and they’ve watched a fair bit over the holidays, I certainly wouldn’t restrict when in other peoples houses. However I’m stricter on individual screens such as games, and controversially YouTube is banned. However, we all make our own choices!

Oh also, if you do have the TV on, switch on the subtitles!!! It helps them learn to read.

Anything done so rigidly and strictly will cause an issue in the end. You need to learn to lighten up a bit, you’ll struggle being so strict with different things as your DC gets older and it will cause conflict where there needn’t be any.

more tv won’t do your DC any harm. I think at 4 dd1 could say loads of words in Spanish thanks to watching Dora the explorer. I didn’t limit tv when at home really, but did plenty of activities so they were glued to it all day. Both my older teens are doing well and tv did them no harm at all. What exactly do you think will happen to your DC if you relax a little and allow more tv?

What harm do you think will come to her when watching a bit more or watching cartoons? I’ve never heard anything so odd.

How much screen time do you allow yourself OP?

I agree that you do sound too strict. TV isn't the end of world IMHO and while I did limit it the early days, have come to realise it does indeed make life easier.

My second child was a real cartoon junkie - in hindsight I guess we should have been a little stricter. He’s at university now, got top A levels in his school, so no harm done. My brother and SIL won’t let their 18 month old watch any TV and it makes their life a lot harder travelling regularly on planes to see family overseas

a kid not allowed to watch much tv and no cartoons with a movie once a month is miserable. Kids learn loads from tv. They also learn loads from other screens, inc tablets and games. Yes none should be extensive and only that daily.

I can’t grasp why anyone would do this, can you explain why op? Is it some religious cult thing?

They also use it as a teaching aid.

My DD is watching Number blocks yet again for the umpteenth time as they are showing it in school.

@AliceinSlumberland
That's really interesting.

@Reugny That's awful to know; I don't know that DS has watched Numberblocks at school but he absolutely loves it and it has helped him so much with his numeracy but I wasn't sure how much it was 'school approved' or was potentially going to interfere with the way they teach maths. I think it's absolutely brilliant too (plus alphablocks)

Watch the research on CBeebies programming?

All the research seems to be on stuff you can easily avoid in the UK unless you specifically seek them out.

Your family can see/hear that you’re tired and offering a solution. If you stop saying you’re tired, they may stop making suggestions!

Great idea to restrict screen time, but no need to tell family the specific timings. It makes you sound rigid and controlling. Some days your child probably won’t watch any TV and other days (cold/dark/holidays) they may watch more. Sticking to a rigid time and amount each day will be exhausting for you. And some TV, as others have said, can be really beneficial. My daughter has learned so much about medicine from Operation Ouch.

@AliceinSlumberland Really interesting thank you. Unfortunately most will ignore that research down to sheer laziness.