How is it possible to find a husband when men treat women so badly?

[GlitterGlobe30]

How is it possible to date a man and get to the stage of getting engaged and married when men treat women so poorly?

Men tell sexist jokes and put women down all the time. They let the woman do all the cleaning and cooking and childcare meanwhile all men do is work. Men watch porn and bring the violent behaviours they watch to the bedroom. Men think they're better than women. Men view us merely as sex objects.

The list goes on and on and I've experienced all these things in my relationships with men. How on earth is it possible to find a man to marry when this is how men treat us?

For people who say this is not all men, I've been dating and in relationships with men for 13 years and yet to date a man who doesn't at least hit one of the points listed above! And that's far too many men whether I'm "picking the right ones" or not.

Thanks in advance for any words of advice - I'm at the end of my tether and starting to plan for being single forever 😕

Well, thankfully I picked an absolute gem!! ❤️

Perhaps you want the perfect man to be all the things mentioned in this video clip (Smack the Pony)?

OP, you have been very unfortunate and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. There is no crime in being single if that is what you decide.

And keep having standards.

Sorry forgot the link

all the women saying the men in their lives are not like this. unless they are your partner you can't be sure what they are like behind closed doors.

Also @Howbizzare22 I presume you're happily single, as you call other people smug on a thread answering OP question... maybe you can give OP some tips

That’s actually very funny. I did mean statistically simply because he’s a man though! If you’ve found a good loyal honest man though you’re lucky-they’re in the minority I believe! Good for you. Maybe I need to do a programming course too! 😄

I do think people in general need a mindset shift.
For all I said about my husband and finding nice men my default position was not to 'need' a man. A man, if found, someone who improves my life would be a good thing. Otherwise, no.
Certainly I was determined to not be the maidservant of the house like my poor mother.

But it's interesting that OP talks about getting 'engaged and married'. These days many men will do the 'honour' of knocking up a woman, living together etc but will they marry her? No sirree!

it's just a piece of paper they say but somehow they refuse to sign it.

Ah come on it was liiiitle bit smug though to say you’re going off to cuddle your man who isn’t anything like the awful men OP has met! And If you read my post through you’ll see I said that it was in jest 😁

Many are indeed like that, but not all. They are out there, but the goods ones are usually taken, for good reasons.

Or the women

@Winterday1991

Exactly. Porn for example. How would you know if your mates husband watches porn? Most men don’t tell everyone that.

My friend said the same thing the other way around how can i find a date/partner/wife when men are always wrong.

Well, maybe a statistics course.
There are studies showing all manners of things, men more likely to cheat, women more, 50/50. Although more have the first conclusion. It all depends on the methodology, definition of cheating and survey respondents chosen. And their honesty.

Men probably have more opportunity especially if the woman does most of the childcare etc. But not all cheating needs physical presence.

My exH was rather like that OP, but my current partner is not at all. I was incredibly lucky to find him because I agree a lot of men come across as appalling these days.

You don't seem to like men OP and the world doesn't owe you a relationship so stay single.

I don't like cats; my solution? I don't have a cat.

IMO, if they have a decent family with a dad they respect and mom they adore and they tend to turn out ok. Say what you like, but the older I get, the more I understand they need to be socialised like dogs

This is why I am 'done' when it comes to men. I've been divorced for 24 years and in that time,I have had 4 relationships,one of them long term (5 years),all the others were a year or less. After my last relationship broke up (the long term one) 6 years ago,I came to the conclusion that ultimately men just want the same things from a woman in a relationship. Sex,money,and being looked after. I just couldn't be doing with it any more. I have various health issues and have enough trouble looking after myself sometimes,never mind someone else expecting me to do their laundry,cook their meals and be ready for sex whenever they want it. Suffice to say,I have been much happier and more relaxed over the last 6 years.

I’ve had two long term husbands, am a boomer, and had boyfriends when younger. I’ve never found men to be like this.

Perhaps some women have just been unlucky.

I think there's some men like you're describing but the vast majority aren't like that.

Of course you could also find women who are gold diggers, who are looking for a man to control and who use sex and their moods as a way to manipulate: do as I say and I'll sleep with you, don't and I'll be in a mood all day. Doesn't mean all women are like that

It's a bit like drug use. Either you think everyone is like that, or noone is.

And when it comes to "every man is at least one of these things" - well, I imagine a lot fall into one category, but not all of them are irredeemable as a result.

For example - housework. If they've only ever seen women do housework etc, then that's a habit that can be broken - especially if enough women say no thanks!

I grew up with a lovely dad and have chosen a lovely husband as a result. My dad spent Christmas running around getting me cushions to make breastfeeding comfortable, and passing me muslins that I'd dropped. Driving around stray neighbours in the heavy rain.

It's NOT all men, and I think we lose something by not understanding that there IS a difference in toxic male behaviours. (I have worked with male young offenders, so I'm not exactly speaking out of my arse here...)