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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to fire my au pair after she went through my handbag?

105 replies

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:09

walked in on my swedish au pair in my bedroom yesterday going through my handbag. she said she was looking for keys to the food cupboard...but the key for that is not in my handbag and i'm sure she would know this. she has been working for us for 6 months so far and all has been good, the dc's love her. this is the first time anything like this has happened. should i fire her? dh thinks i shouldn't.

OP posts:

harman · 16/03/2008 16:12

Message withdrawn

clam · 16/03/2008 16:13

Maybe not quite yet, but I'd watch her like a hawk. And keep my bedroom door firmly shut (or locked??) and my handbag well out of sight.

bethoo · 16/03/2008 16:13

personally i would but then that is me.

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:15

Do you believe her?

Even if she is telling the truth you don't go in anyone's handbag without their express permission.

Make it clear you won't tolerate that.

Obviously your DH doesn't want her fired - hassel to lok for another au pair.

Original poster

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:15

harman, the food cupboard has a lock but is left open pretty much always. that is what is so suspicious about it!

OP posts:

jura · 16/03/2008 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WigWamBam · 16/03/2008 16:17

I'd get rid as well. No-one should go in your handbag without your permission.

S1ur · 16/03/2008 16:20

No sheesh, she's a good worker for six months and has some rights. Do you consider this as gross misconduct? Because she didn't actually steal or endanger anyone, she offered you an explanation and deserves a little respect, if you don't believe her then you should at least give her a formal written warning first.

But hold on, key to food cupbosrd

Ah a wind up, penny drops.

In that case, you shouldn't fire her you should put her in your stocks.

Cadmum · 16/03/2008 16:20

Was the cupboard locked at the time? It seems a rather unusual arrangement but if she had hungry children to feed and was desperate to find keys...
I guess that I would chose to look in your handbag before I chose to let your children go hungry.
Maybe I am missing something?

TheAntiFlounce · 16/03/2008 16:21

W hy do you have a lock on your food cupboard?

FWIW, I would give her a written warning and warn her she is on her last chance.

ruty · 16/03/2008 16:22

why on earth would you have a lock on your food cupboard? For what purpose?

S1ur · 16/03/2008 16:22

Really? not a wind up?

huh. okaay. still inappropriate to fire for this imo, I would suggest you carefully and clearly re-establish boundaries of appropriate behaviour and give warning. In writing.

Original poster

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:22

the cupboard was not locked, it was hanging outside like it usually is, with all the other keys. it is never locked, the one time we've locked it whilst shes lived with us is before ds's birthday because they kept nicking chocolate off the cake

OP posts:

ruty · 16/03/2008 16:26

how odd then that she was going through your bag. I would be a bit worried.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2008 16:28

she has to go- if your gut feeling is why was she footering about in my bag and it makes you uneasy then she walks.implicit in having another person in your family home is total trust the kids will grow to like a new au-pair

i would not like this one bit

hecate · 16/03/2008 16:28

If the cupboard was open - did she want to lock it?
I would give her a formal warning, and keep an eye on her.
And for those of you who are amazed by the idea of locking things -- sometimes folks do need to keep things locked - I used to have to keep all external doors amd windows locked plus kitchen and bathroom doors locked and all keys in my pocket as I have 2 kids with autism and my place was like fort knox or they'd get up in the night and trash it, or sneak off in the day while I was busy with the other one. So sometimes people have reasons you know!!

morningpaper · 16/03/2008 16:29

She might have been looking for a tampon or something and was embarassed? Or a condom? Maybe she had a man under the bed?!

Or some change and just panicked when you caught her?

Or she just might have had a moment of surpreme nosiness - don't we all sometimes?!

If you've got no other concerns, I would re-establish boundaries (your bedroom should be out of bounds maybe?) but not fire her.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2008 16:31

doesnt flipin matter if she was looking for the holy grail-she had her mitts in someone else's (actually) her employers handbag. out of order

ruty · 16/03/2008 16:34

if she knew you were in surely she would have asked you for the keys?

EiWishFor3MoreEasterEggs · 16/03/2008 16:34

i would definitely be suspicious. if she had no good reason to go in your handbag then i would clearly warn her maybe with a written warning and make sure she knows she acted inappropriately. i wouldnt fire her TBH but i would keep a close eye on her from now on.
xx ei xx

Original poster

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:35

Yeah, think I might have to fire her then
before this incident, i thought she was so lovely.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 16/03/2008 16:37

shame this happened, but you need absolute unequivocal trust in au-pair.doubts are toxic

Pannacotta · 16/03/2008 16:40

CAnt you have a frank discussion with her along the lines that you know she knows the keys arent kept in your handbag, was there something else she was looking for, is there a problem etc?
I'd give her proper chance to explain herself and perhaps take a view.
Dont think I would sack her on this alone (not that I've ever had an au pair) but I would be very careful and get some boundaries set up asap - your bedroom and handbag def out of bounds!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 16/03/2008 16:42

Where were you at the time, without your handbag? If you were home/about to be home why couldn't she have asked you where the key was instead of invading your privacy?

What's your gut feeling? do you think she was trying to steal from you, or just having a nose?

Original poster

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:42

Pannacotta, I think I might have a chat with her...maybe she is having financial problems or something, though I think we pay her reasonably enough

OP posts:

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