to fire my au pair after she went through my handbag?

[Rosbo]

walked in on my swedish au pair in my bedroom yesterday going through my handbag. she said she was looking for keys to the food cupboard...but the key for that is not in my handbag and i'm sure she would know this. she has been working for us for 6 months so far and all has been good, the dc's love her. this is the first time anything like this has happened. should i fire her? dh thinks i shouldn't.

OK, you could set a trap - leave your handbag lying about (of course taking out anything you really don't want your au pair to see), the say to your au pair you are going out, memorise where everything is in your bag, see if anything in it has been disturbed when you come back.

good idea tigermoth

trust has gone

There's no point in setting a trap to see if she goes in your handbag because we already know she does

Do you really want to resort to these methods - in your own home? TBH I would sack her.

What about previous references? Were they OK?

& TBH, I agree, a nanny sounds like a much better option for your situation, on many levels.

I'd chuck both the husband and the au pair.

oh lordy its not domestic-whodunnit!its bloody obvious the au pair had her mits in the handbag - no cunning plan penfold is going to change that

and husband not wanting you to chuck handbag-raiding au pair after he boinked the last one.

they're lucky they have you, because they'd both be out on their keysters if they were around me.

lol at expat

but tend to agree

Am I just being weak?
And maybe I should just chuck 'em both?

agree that if you are considering setting traps, then trust has left he building, and is on a plane to the carribean....

you need to trust people alone in the house with your children and your personal possessions.

and your husband.

bit of a no brainer for me, i'm afraid

rosbo, sorry you are going through this additional stress, not your fault

get shot of the light fingered au pair
this is your home
you can legitimately call the shots

don't make any hasty career decisions based on the actions of some dodgy girl

give your self a pat on the back for the stuff you have dealt with. this whole thing is unfairly impacting on you

imo, it is detrimental to happy home harmony to keep this au pair

why don't you just lock them both in the food cupboard and have done with it?

Cheers for the support, donnie.

Tell dh you are considering sacking the aupair summarily. Clock his reaction. Don't do anything for a few days, don't breathe a further word to aupair. Then clock HER actions (eg does she refresh her profile on a website, start packing, moving things out of the house.

If she even lets on in the slightest that she knows her head is on the chopping block, there can only be one source of leak. Both go. Otherwise, just she goes.

Rosbo, sorry, I may have worded my post so it sounded like I was having a dig in some way- I absolutely wasn't! you're entitled to keep your handbag wherever you want in your own house without worry of people going through it (curious toddlers aside)

What I meant was, if you were in your house she had no reason to be going in your handbag whatsoever, she should have found you and asked you about the key. And if you were out without your handbag she should have either waited for you to get back or called your mobile, assuming you have one. I can't see a valid or good reason for her ever going in your handbag if you were home, it just sounds very dodgy.

Difficult situation, sorry you're having to go through it. I wonder if you'll ever get to the real reason she was going through your bag?

blueshoes seems to have a cunning plan there. It seems plain to me that although you've got 'past' the affair you still don't trust him. Do what you need to for your peace of mind.

from now on I am looking to blueshoes for advice.

I was suspiscious on page one about DH but didn't want to say and now I am to read he has cheated on you.

What do you want to do? Can you trust her again? Have you talked about it since? Why does he not want her sacker?

Right well after everyones advice, I've spoken to my husband, we're going to chuck out the au pair tonight. His reaction was suprised but he seemed alright with it.
She'll be gone by next week, I think a weeks notice is okay.
We'll pay for her flights home if she wants.

Then, I'll see how the land lies with DH.

Do you have to pay for her flight home? Awfully generous since she has broken your trust.

When are you going to tell her? What about you tell her to go asap and you pay her notice?

Excellent decision Rosbo... and good that your DH agreed with no fuss.

Sure, a weeks notice is ok, but do you trust her around the kids after she has been sacked?

I would pay her the one week notice, and put her on an airplane pronto, or let the ticket be in lieu of pay.

Snap, QS.

The hubby is hardly going to make a fuss is he?

frankly i would give her notice and pay required and terminate immediately.No more hanging about.is she from an agy or did you employ her