Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fire my au pair after she went through my handbag?

105 replies

Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:09

walked in on my swedish au pair in my bedroom yesterday going through my handbag. she said she was looking for keys to the food cupboard...but the key for that is not in my handbag and i'm sure she would know this. she has been working for us for 6 months so far and all has been good, the dc's love her. this is the first time anything like this has happened. should i fire her? dh thinks i shouldn't.

OP posts:
Flynnie · 16/03/2008 16:42

If anyone was caught looking through their bosses handbag in any other environment it would be completely unacceptable. If you cant trust her.....

scottishmummy · 16/03/2008 16:43

for me though i would always harbour suspicion onwards. that level of doubt in your own home -not nice

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:46

If you really don't want to fire her as you think she is good for the kids tell her she is going to be sacked unless she tells you the truth about what she was doing in your bag. Risky but what else can you do?

LittleBella · 16/03/2008 16:47

No yanbu. Handbags are sacrosanct, everyone knows that. If they don't they've got no boundaries. She'll be test-driving your husband next. Get rid.

scottishmummy · 16/03/2008 16:48

bella test drive - whats that involeve?oh plenty clutch control -eugh

Rosbo sack your au pair

Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:49

My husband cheated one me with the last au pair.
I forgave him.

Should I just stop getting au pairs and stop working

OP posts:
chelsygirl · 16/03/2008 16:54

keep working and get rid of the husband

tigermoth · 16/03/2008 16:56

I would be worried about identity theft and that could be very serious. Perhaps she was trying to find out your bank details from a cheque book and card. I am not saying she herself is after this info - perhaps she had a friend or boyfriend who told her to do it. Have you had any missed mail recently? Is your au pair there when the post arrived?

OK it could be innocent - an on the spur need for some small change or a moment of curiosity as others have said, but it would seriously dent my trust in her.

I think you need to ask her what she was doing and see what she says.

If you decide you can still trust her, you must lock up your room and if I were you, I'd keep all personal paperwork away from her as well.

3NAB · 16/03/2008 16:57

My husband cheated one me with the last au pair.
I forgave him.

That is why he doesn't want you to sack her??

ruty · 16/03/2008 16:57

he cheated on you with the au pair? Good Grief.

Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 16:59

Well we always lock the study at night cos of burglars, is usually open during the day though. Don't recall us missing any post recently. Yep, shes there when the post arrives, she blooming lives with us!

Couldn't get rid of DH, we struggled through that 3 years ago and are a bit stronger now.

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 16/03/2008 17:01

could the cupboard door have stuck a bit so she thought it was locked? if you have a key for it, I don't see that it's particularly unreasonable to think it might be in your handbag, and it's such a crap excuse I think it may be genuine.

if the aim was identity theft then post would be going missing.

Smurfs · 16/03/2008 17:03

Good Lord so many locks where do you live Johannesburg?

Freckle · 16/03/2008 17:07

Has she ever been in your room before? Does she know that it's off-limits?

I think virtually every woman on the planet knows that going through another person's handbag is an absolute no-no. Food cupboard key is clearly a lie as (a) the door wasn't locked and she presumably had no reason to want to lock it and (b) the key was where it was normally kept.

She was being dishonest whichever way you look at it. And that, for me, would be a killer blow to the relationship. She would have to go because the trust has gone.

I'd also be a tad worried that your dh doesn't want her to be sacked, given his history.

tigermoth · 16/03/2008 17:10

I'd definitely keep the study door locked, and your handbag in it, just in case.

You sound like you feel ok about her underneath. And senorapostrophie makes a good point - she gave such a crap excuse, it might just be genuine.

Give her a chance if you feel satisfied with everything, but certainly not a second chance.

Pannacotta · 16/03/2008 17:12

Oh dear, your DH's past behaviour is not a good omen, given he is not wanting to sack her, I had presumed it was because she was good with your kids.
I do agree with Freckle that women (ought to) know that handhags are sacrosanct, I was perhaps feeling in a generous mood in my previous post, but now I'm not so sure.
Rosbo could you get a nanny instead? Think there might be less issues like this with a nanny....

Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 17:13

everything is just going wrong

OP posts:
Smurfs · 16/03/2008 17:16

Sorry if going over old ground but why do you have a lock on the food cupboard?

Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 17:20

we never do lock it, except about twice since we moved in seven years ago.
I guess the previous owners felt they needed to lock their food away

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 17:22

And, Jamesandthegiantbanana, I was in my house, so left my handbag in my bedroom like a lot of woman do

OP posts:
fairyfly · 16/03/2008 17:24

He is not shagging this one is he? As going in a handbag could be something to do with finding your mobile etc.....

Smurfs · 16/03/2008 17:27

Firstly if I was in your shoes I would;

Remove lock on food cupboard.

Have a stern word with her about what is appropriate and what most certainly isn't. Then give her a warning.

Might it be worth chatting to DH and seeing what his slant is on this and why he thinks she should stay. Did you already have suspicions that they were up to something?

(Apologies I am trying to word this delicately)

QuintessentialShadows · 16/03/2008 17:28

I am as suspicious as to what your ap needed in your handbag, as I am to your dh not wanting her sacked.

It is not the first time that men and ap's get frisky.

I would sack her for two reasons:

  1. She was in your handbag
  2. Dh wants to keep her despite her going through your handbag
Original poster
Rosbo · 16/03/2008 17:28

Oh god.
I don't know.
Any tips on how I could find out?
Other than like read his texts and stuff, which TBH I do anyway...

OP posts:
themoon66 · 16/03/2008 17:33

Oh sack her... just the handbag thing alone is enough.