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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She used to fox hunt?!

274 replies

Boxingdayhunts · 26/12/2023 22:29

name change urgh

long story short - over Xmas got talking about newspiece about Boxing Day ‘trail hunts’. Got shock of my life when family member (married in not blood) revealed she had on occasion when younger joined hunts. actual fox hunts.

this is something I feel strongly about. I would never have thought this about her.

aibu to feel shocked, disappointed, and look a little differently at her now?

OP posts:
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6
NigelHarmansNewWife · 26/12/2023 22:32

You don't give any context other than "when younger". She may have participated with older family members and since then formed her own view it's not something she wants to do (banned or not).

Ponderingwindow · 26/12/2023 22:34

Context matters immensely

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 22:36

Well it’s a strong part of culture in some parts of the country, so I’d imagine it would just have been normal life to her if that’s how she grew up.

Not everyone has the same experience of life, but if you want to judge her for that, crack on.

Glarptip · 26/12/2023 22:36

Yes, you're a ting shocked about nothing.

Glarptip · 26/12/2023 22:36

acting

YeahRatFans · 26/12/2023 22:37

I hunted when younger, it was just part of growing up in the countryside. I expect she just went as a family group without even thinking about it

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 26/12/2023 22:37

She doesn't hunt now and you haven't said she expressed pro hunting views so I'd say YABU on that basis.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 26/12/2023 22:39

Many years ago when I was tiny our family friends hunted. Even when one lost an eye from a bullet they continued.. If I knew them now I would stay away..

new0936 · 26/12/2023 22:39

I think you're overreacting a little.

As pp pointed out she may have gone when you get and changed perspective.

An alternative view (from experience knowing people who hunt) is they are not there for "the hunt" they're there for the riding, galloping and jumping you don't get on a normal hack or cross country ride,
the social life, the balls, drinks, meets etc.

Friends of mine who I don't judge btw will speak of their days out focussing on the riding, the friends they meet there, none of my friends who have partaken were even remotely interested in if they caught a fox.

Grimchmas · 26/12/2023 22:39

Horse owners used to go hunting for the riding, it was only the hunt employees who were interested in getting foxes killed. YABU to hold it against her.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/12/2023 22:39

What are you looking for here… to rally a MN pitchfork and torch brigade?

None of us presumably know her, you haven’t given any real context, I’m assuming she didn’t show up to dinner with a horn and blood on her face.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 22:39

When younger, it was totally normal, tiny tots going out on their ponies with parents. I’d want to know her feelings now and was she very young?

ClottedCreamScone · 26/12/2023 22:40

It’s hard when people you love (or even just like) participate in things you feel very strongly (and negatively) about.

I’ve had to make my peace in a very similar way because I’m a vegetarian and have very strong negative feelings about eating meat (I think it’s much worse than fox hunting, and I hate that too!). But most of my family are meat eaters. And I have to recognise that it’s not my business, and that everyone has their own moral standards when it comes to the treatment of animals, and I can’t insist on everyone feeling the way I do. I still love my family despite disagreeing with them on this important issue.

I guess I’m saying you don’t have to agree with what she did or condone it, but part of getting along in the world is accepting the things you can’t change about other people and looking past it as best you can.

Cherryana · 26/12/2023 22:40

So it’s going to depend on what she thinks now.

I remember when I was 13 I really wanted to go (never did) because it seemed so exciting and because of the books I had read (Jill’s Gymkana etc) but by 17, I had matured and formed an opinion on how cruel it was and actually thought about the Fox and not just myself.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 26/12/2023 22:41

I agree with PPs. I knew plenty of people growing up who hunted because it was just what their families did. You've not given any context as to her age or current views on it.

DollyDaydreamW · 26/12/2023 22:41

My mum took us fox hunting when we were children. I would NEVER go to a hunt now, not at any point where I had any autonomy over my life. I was young! I had no choice! We lived rurally and it was normal back then.

It's best to find out the full context (and their opinion of hunting now, as a fully formed adult) before deciding how you truly feel about them as a person.

Interestingly I am much lower contact with my mum these days, turns out we have a lot of different outlooks on what is right and wrong in life. But also, I'm a meat eater, so am I the world's biggest hypocrite? Probably. My sibling still lives near there, still kills animals himself, still sees no issue in it.

Prometheus · 26/12/2023 22:42

Totally normal if you grow up in the countryside in Devon and Cornwall and are into horse riding. Kids and families go along for the ride. Those with no horses go for the walk and to see the hunt off.

ItsMyPartyParty · 26/12/2023 22:42

I suspect you don’t appreciate how much the riding part of it is a hugely ingrained part of culture in many areas. The fox bit is irrelevant to most people. Which, of course, is naive and blinkered, as many of us are when we participate in traditions. But the vast majority of people who have gone fox hunting in their lifetime have no blood lust or any such ridiculous thing, it’s just the done thing.

Did she express a view on how she feels about it?

LaPalmaLlama · 26/12/2023 22:42

Honestly, if you eat meat you’re complicit in a lot worse so let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that.

Flickersy · 26/12/2023 22:43

Unless she's dragging you along or regaling you with the days events at the dining table while covered in blood, you're being ridiculous.

She used to do something you don't agree with. She no longer does it.

It's not the big deal you think.

flowerchild2000 · 26/12/2023 22:43

I was forced into hunting as a child. It's not really a choice "when younger."

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/12/2023 22:45

I remember being allowed out of the classroom at school to watch the hunt go across the fields, absolutely loved it. Many moons ago and part of living in the country. Things are different now and feelings change over time.

Cotswoldbee · 26/12/2023 22:46

Growing up in the country, hunting was something that was always there. The Boxing Day meet was something for the social calendar as and huge numbers of people would turn out to watch and horse riders young and old were present.
I think maybe you are off track with this one.

ClareBlue · 26/12/2023 22:46

You've probably done things that she might be shocked, disappointed and look differently at you if she knew.
Surely it's what she does now that's important. Why be so sanctimonious about it.

Bearpawk · 26/12/2023 22:46

Lots of people were raised doing stuff like this; me included. Doesn't mean I agree with it now.

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