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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does it matter if you don't both like football?

165 replies

Tiffincake · 26/12/2023 21:10

My last partner didn't, however I know many men do. I don't support a team or go to any matches, but I will watch the World Cup, Euro etc.
However wondering if it's a dealbreaker that I'm not massively into football? It depends on the person I guess.. I know you don't have to have everything in common, but football is a way of life for many men. Has it ever been an issue for you?

OP posts:
JustAnotherMNUserPassing · 27/12/2023 20:38

I don't think it matters! My other half isn't a football fan but I am! He knows I would trade him in for Jack Grealish in a heartbeat Wink

SkySecret · 27/12/2023 20:40

I’ve never been in an LTR with anyone who loves football thankfully. I seem to manage to avoid them 🤣

I don’t see why it would matter though. I don’t mind watching things that DP is into, though admittedly that’s not as encompassing as football seems to be to some people…

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 20:41

JustAnotherMNUserPassing · 27/12/2023 20:38

I don't think it matters! My other half isn't a football fan but I am! He knows I would trade him in for Jack Grealish in a heartbeat Wink

He's safe because Jack only has eyes for me 🤷‍♀️

ForeveraBluebird · 27/12/2023 20:46

@HappyCamperTent , I’m not going to derail the ops thread , just to tell you that the attendance at Welsh football club games is a lot higher than club rugby.

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/12/2023 21:06

ElaineMBenes · 27/12/2023 19:36

Why is being a football fan a dealbreaker?

It’s not a dealbreaker for me to be with someone who is into it but it is something I feel I have to be quite robust about keeping in it’s place.

For some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 21:26

F*or some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.*

What a load of 🐂 💩! I no no one like this about any subject at all!

You sound totally mad!!!

ElaineMBenes · 27/12/2023 21:32

For some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

I know a lot of football fans. I don't know anyone who is like this!

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.

Again, I suspect this is very rare. I don't know any football fan who insists it's the only leisure activity permitted. That's just odd!
My DH is a season ticket holder and will make an effort to go to home games and watch away games but will not go/watch if something else comes up. That's pretty normal amongst his friends.

I think people tend to apply lazy stereotypes to football fans.

Dotjones · 27/12/2023 21:42

It depends, everything in moderation and all that. I think it can be good in a relationship for each partner to have an interest that they can do independently of the other. It's only a problem if their interest prevents them in engaging in the relationship to the extent which the other partner wants. IF a man was a season ticket holder and went to every home and away game, the youth matches, womens' football matches, then spent their spare evenings watching football on TV, betting on football, reading about football and playing eFootball on the PlayStation, that'd be a problem for me.

SisterhoodNotCisterhood · 27/12/2023 21:43

A football fan would actually be a turn off for me and I'd probably not pursue a relationship there. Just like I wouldn't want to date a heavy drinker, a gym addict and unemployed lifelong dole dosser or a preachy religious person. All examples are personality traits I don't find attractive. My husband is not into football but we do watch the World Cup. If he converted to a football fanatic then I'm afraid I'd not bother having anything to do with his obsession. I'd also make sure he knows the tv doesn't get taken over by him and the game all the time. He be told to keep his hobby out of family time (so fucking off to the football all day every single Saturday and Sunday wouldn't be okay either)

HappyCamperTent · 27/12/2023 21:43

ForeveraBluebird · 27/12/2023 20:46

@HappyCamperTent , I’m not going to derail the ops thread , just to tell you that the attendance at Welsh football club games is a lot higher than club rugby.

I dunno. I’ve lived in Wales for 40 years and I hate both!… I just know that most friends and family are obsessed with rugby and little to do with football

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 21:44

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 21:26

F*or some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.*

What a load of 🐂 💩! I no no one like this about any subject at all!

You sound totally mad!!!

Bold fail and

^i know no one

SweetFemaleAttitude · 27/12/2023 21:48

I hate football. Apart from being an absolute borefest, the money and corruption involved is vile.

When I first met my now DH, I made him aware, even though he will watch any sport with a ball involved and does support a football team.

It doesn't bother me at all him watching sports as long as it doesn't interfere too much with family life.

We've been together 21 years and it's never been a problem.

When we first met, he played in a Sunday league and a bit of five a side through the week, but it has honestly never been a problem. He doesn't play any more as we're old now and his knees can't take it 😂, but we found a balance that suits our family.

cynan · 27/12/2023 21:58

@HappyCamperTent his nationality is irrelevant. If he doesn't like football then I'm not into him. He can love rugby all he likes, it's a very different vibe to football. I wouldn't be interested. .

HappyCamperTent · 27/12/2023 22:06

cynan · 27/12/2023 21:58

@HappyCamperTent his nationality is irrelevant. If he doesn't like football then I'm not into him. He can love rugby all he likes, it's a very different vibe to football. I wouldn't be interested. .

I meant the fact that he was less likely to. But that’s been proven wrong by other posters 🤪

TulipTuesday · 27/12/2023 22:20

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2023 10:45

Nice how she managed to basically tell you your Dad was an arse in that little anecdote.

Living for a group of men running around a field after a ball, not his wife or family.

Think I'd prefer your dad thanks

Show quote history

I only mentioned my dad not caring about football cos it’s always assumed it’s the man who loves it in a family.

And believe me my mum had great reason to put me off ending up with someone like my dad. If your type is womanising, dodgy dealing geezers with unknown kids coming out of the wood work then knock yourself out 😄

My DH is passionate about football in all forms, not just watching or playing it. It’s not all about ‘men running around a field’ He gives so much to local kids through his coaching and has brought on many youngsters who would not have had the chance to play. One of his young female goalkeepers has recently signed to Man City.
I’ll stick to that type of man thanks.

BaffledOnceAgain · 27/12/2023 22:56

I'm a single mum to 2 teens who love football. I now play and coach as well as them both playing so football is hugely important in our house. I just finished a 2 year relationship with a man who didn't like football. It didn't occur to me that him not liking football would be an issue, as he was quite sporty, but he just didn't get it. I spend many hours a week at football so I need someone who is into it too.

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 22:57

BaffledOnceAgain · 27/12/2023 22:56

I'm a single mum to 2 teens who love football. I now play and coach as well as them both playing so football is hugely important in our house. I just finished a 2 year relationship with a man who didn't like football. It didn't occur to me that him not liking football would be an issue, as he was quite sporty, but he just didn't get it. I spend many hours a week at football so I need someone who is into it too.

I'm loving your involvement with your DS passion! Go team mum!

UsingChangeofName · 27/12/2023 23:32

ElaineMBenes · 27/12/2023 21:32

For some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

I know a lot of football fans. I don't know anyone who is like this!

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.

Again, I suspect this is very rare. I don't know any football fan who insists it's the only leisure activity permitted. That's just odd!
My DH is a season ticket holder and will make an effort to go to home games and watch away games but will not go/watch if something else comes up. That's pretty normal amongst his friends.

I think people tend to apply lazy stereotypes to football fans.

Have to agree with all this @ElaineMBenes

There is some real 1970s historical stereotyping on this thread Grin
I go to a lot of football, and also enjoy chatting about football with my ds particularly, but I also have lots of other interests and enjoy lots of other leisure activities. As do most people I know.

mrlistersgelfbride · 28/12/2023 00:32

My partner is obsessed with football and not always in a good way ie. There has been times in the past where he won't pay attention to DD when a match is on or a day's activities at the weekend has to work around the football, not the other way around which seems unfair! Also he's a season ticket holder and him attending home games often turn into 10 hour benders.

I do like football, I can hold my own in a conversation about it and I often watch and enjoy matches. I also enjoy the pundits on match of the day 😉
I've always gone out with men who like football so it's normal for me but I wouldn't miss it if it was taken away (apart from Euros and World Cup).

You definitely don't need to be into football to be with a man who is. It's more about respecting each other interests. If he goes to the football, all good as long as you do/attend your hobbies too.

mrlistersgelfbride · 28/12/2023 00:56

Goodlard · 27/12/2023 21:26

F*or some people it can be such an obsession that it comes to dominate family life to the exclusion of conversation about anything else or any other activities and I couldn’t live with that level of it.

Fine in small to moderate doses but intrusive, boring and rude when it’s the only leisure activity permitted. Living with someone who had to go to every game would be a dealbreaker.*

What a load of 🐂 💩! I no no one like this about any subject at all!

You sound totally mad!!!

Nope that poster is correct. Some people do take the football to ridiculous levels.
I know people who :

Dislike their family wearing certain colours for football reasons
Only date people who support their team
Have to go to every home match even when it it means they don't see their kids
Try and engineer social gatherings to a place that shows football. Trips to parks, kids parties, days out, all the most important consideration is will we be back for the football? How can I watch the football in this scenario?
Don't watch any other sport and football trumps what anyone else wants for watch
Go into terrible moods about football results
Basically ever waking moment seems to be something to do with it. Betting, watching the game, podcasts, YouTube highlights , facetiming friends and family about it, football chants on Spotify during the normal running of a day.

My partner and in laws have done all the above.

It never bothered me before we had DD as I'm laid back and was happy to do my own hobbies and see my own friends. It's not a great way for child to grow up though and can be very selfish and annoying.

Goodlard · 28/12/2023 01:12

@mrlistersgelfbride how many in a 1000?

CrapGoat · 28/12/2023 01:13

Me and an ex split up because of football, well not because of football per-se but of how she turned into a mindless drone where it was concerned, and treated me like crap over it. I became nothing to her where football was involved.

Goodlard · 28/12/2023 01:18

CrapGoat · 28/12/2023 01:13

Me and an ex split up because of football, well not because of football per-se but of how she turned into a mindless drone where it was concerned, and treated me like crap over it. I became nothing to her where football was involved.

If she turned into that person, then something was lacking in your relationship before that....

CrapGoat · 28/12/2023 01:32

@Goodlard maybe? It was odd. She turned into a totally different person over it. I don't like football, but there were a lot of days out involved in the club she played for. I stopped going after one time she was utterly vile to me all day, I hadn't a clue she even had that in her, to be like that. Real bullying tactics. I didn't mind watching her play in summer, as other spouse's would do, but even then she'd be 'off' with me all day-this was after she'd invited me, it wasn't as if I'd turned up unannounced or she had said not to come/not wanted me to come and I had

One time she said she'd take me for dinner after it and then we got into the car with her friend who drove us straight to the club, she'd changed her mind and decided we were all going to just have some drinks there to celebrate, and I said 'Well, no, I haven't eaten and am going to be sloshed if I drink alcohol on an empty stomach!' I made her take me to McDonalds and I hate McDonalds but it was the only thing nearby she'd just blatently forgotten about my needs because football. She'd never do that in any other scenario.

Before she began playing, she was kind, considerate, loving. It was like a personality transplant and very odd.

Goodlard · 28/12/2023 01:34

CrapGoat · 28/12/2023 01:32

@Goodlard maybe? It was odd. She turned into a totally different person over it. I don't like football, but there were a lot of days out involved in the club she played for. I stopped going after one time she was utterly vile to me all day, I hadn't a clue she even had that in her, to be like that. Real bullying tactics. I didn't mind watching her play in summer, as other spouse's would do, but even then she'd be 'off' with me all day-this was after she'd invited me, it wasn't as if I'd turned up unannounced or she had said not to come/not wanted me to come and I had

One time she said she'd take me for dinner after it and then we got into the car with her friend who drove us straight to the club, she'd changed her mind and decided we were all going to just have some drinks there to celebrate, and I said 'Well, no, I haven't eaten and am going to be sloshed if I drink alcohol on an empty stomach!' I made her take me to McDonalds and I hate McDonalds but it was the only thing nearby she'd just blatently forgotten about my needs because football. She'd never do that in any other scenario.

Before she began playing, she was kind, considerate, loving. It was like a personality transplant and very odd.

So football is a kind of drug.....