To ask for your tips as I head for single parenthood

[NearlyHeadlessNick]

I'm getting my ducks in a row. I have 2 kids who are 5 and 3. Both will be resident with me. Both do swimming/dance and the eldest does scouts so clubs after school.

I work full time. Getting maintenance for the children shouldn't be problematic.
Both have lunches provided.

What are your organisational hacks or what helps your day to run logistically smoothly? I work from home a lot which helps. But I dread the thought of sole organisation of life and all that goes with it.

Did you live alone as an adult at any point? It's just like that, plus kids.

Always have a gold shiny coin for the tooth fairy. Always have change for school nonsense. Always have calool.

Declutter. Everything is then easier to tidy. Go to bed early

Keep a carton of longlife milk in the cupboard and bread in the freezer.
Deal with stuff as it comes in - letters from school etc. Keep a comprehensive calendar of pyjama/red/odd sock/fancy dress days.
Lower your standards.

Always empty the bin before it needs it. Bread in the freezer too.

Main meal earlier on, snack later.

Check if you can drop your hours UC may make up the shortfall and pay towards childcare. Child maintenance won't count as income.

More polo shirts for school than days, reduces laundry. They usually need fresh each day at that age.

Always have extra milk, bread, butter essentials, have back up essentials so you don't run out at night.

Consider an aupair or family member lodger, who can be an extra pair of hands. As in rent a room to someone you trust who will also support your parenting. (if possible).

Don't get a dog.learn how to do DIY

Make sure you have someone to chat to. It can be lonely if kids have a problem and you don't have a spouse to talk it over with.

Always be thinking six weeks ahead so you can be organised on your own terms.

If you can have your shop delivered via Amazon (fresh or Morrisons), you can often order it and have it delivered within 4 hours. No need to book a slot days in advance or find time to squeeze in a supermarket trip.

If you expect to have to do everything without any help or support from
your ex, then you are never disappointed or frustrated at being left having to do everything. That makes it easier!

Do things the way that works for you and your kids. You will come up with your own
ways that will look different to what you’ve done previously.

Make time for yourself. Even if it’s listening to an audiobook in the bath after the kids are in bed.

Have shopping slots booked
batch cook

Online food shopping, buy a pass so that delivery is covered.

Batch cook.
Keep a bag of change for tooth fairy, last minute take a pound for school shite etc

Give yourself a break. At least once a week leave the chores and life admin and go to bed/ have a bath etc.
If your ex is seeing the kids, have 2 of as many things as you can- we have (mainly) double uniform etc.
I wash nearly daily and try and meal plan, however beans on toast etc is fine.

I’ve found having weekly/daily routines around most things helpful - and various rip-off paper lists and tiny whiteboards on the fridge (I am forgetful!).
so i have

• a weekly-shopping list I add to whenever I think of something;
• a list of random to-dos (long term/short term), and every week or so I refresh it and do anything urgent (eg parking tickets
• a 7-day planner that I rip off afterwards - i use on busy weeks to make sure nothing slips
• a place where I stash random things that come in/mail to action, so I don’t lose

I try to make my washing up etc a relaxing moment for me with an audiobook whilst DC watch tv.

good luck and you’ve got this

It's often easier as you have one less man child to look after

Planning. Lots of planning.

Get a custody arrangement that works for your set up and make sure it's stuck to.

Have a good plumber, electrician and carpenter you can rely on. But buy a tool box and make sure you can use it.

And yes - bread and milk in the freezer at all times.

Make your bedroom an absolute haven, for you and them. It should be cosy, comfortable and convenient, so that you can all enjoy spending time there together. It's still our "safe space" 15 years later.

Lower expectations.

keep a sick bowl under each bed with baby wipes, old towel, calpol and change of pjs in. Ditto change of bedding.

kids don’t need bathing every night. Have 5 sets of uniform and get them all ready at the weekend for the week ahead.

Individually wrapped pain au chocolates and a carton of orange juice by the kids bed with an iPad will get you an hours lie in when you are exhausted.

plan your holiday childcare in advance and always have a plan B just in case it falls through.

if you forget the tooth fairy, then they also do digital uploads to Roblox accounts (learnt this one during Covid!)

You will be okay, promise

And when you do have child free time, do things that bring you joy. Not chores (unless they bring you joy). Even just going for a coffee on my own with a book still feels like a treat.

When it comes to primary school, remember the old army saying: never volunteer. These people do not value your time.

Online shops

if all the planning advice puts you off… I have ADHD and I’m shite a planning. But I know how to make the best of things. How to get a last minute delivery of food, how to turn a ‘shit we’ve run out of X’ into a good thing, how to use the 15 min wash cycle in the washing machine and get stuff dried rapidly.

You CAN do it. If I can do it, you definitely can. Everything doesn’t have to be gold plated. But it can be approached with a smile and it’s all ok.

If there is any conceivable way that you can afford a cleaner in your budget then do that.

It is so so hard to prioritise cleaning when you’re a working single mum so having someone clean once a week makes a huge difference to everything!