To ask for your tips as I head for single parenthood

[NearlyHeadlessNick]

I'm getting my ducks in a row. I have 2 kids who are 5 and 3. Both will be resident with me. Both do swimming/dance and the eldest does scouts so clubs after school.

I work full time. Getting maintenance for the children shouldn't be problematic.
Both have lunches provided.

What are your organisational hacks or what helps your day to run logistically smoothly? I work from home a lot which helps. But I dread the thought of sole organisation of life and all that goes with it.

Make a point of taking photos with you in too - ask a friend to take them or set a timer. Looking back I have tonnes of photos of ds that I have taken but barely any with both of us in x

Ask the school for spares out of lost property

Also: people are often kinder than you imagine. Ask for help if you need it.

My teenager’s rugby coaches are so lovely about giving him lifts (I don’t have a car, and have a 3 year old who has bedtime during training). The nursery staff are so lovely and kind - and they absolutely know that I have no help (they know his father has never done a drop off or a pick up ever). My work are really accommodating, and people do recognise that I’m not being difficult when I say I have literally no one else who can pick up DS.

You can do it. You and the children will be OK. Great even. It does get easier as they get bigger. The structure of lessons and activities actually can help - you sort of just get on with it.

I've loads of bank accounts, car insurance, Christmas, birthdays, January/Summer. Some months I can't put anything at all in but I try to. I've also bought things like waffle makers and a panini press. It feels very 'treat' like but is much cheaper than going out.

If you can afford one, a cheap robot vacuum cleaner is so helpful. Mine was less than £300 and it mops as well as vacuums.

It makes it much easier when you just have to clear stuff and then you can let the robot get on with cleaning the floors.

You still have to do the bloody stairs, but it’s so much easier when you can leave the robot to it and get on with other things. You can set it while you’re out too, and come back to a hooverd floor.

Keep your work and home diary synced on your phone via outlook if that's applicable to you.

I have everything I need to check/add/move schedule wise in one place for me, the kids and work so just one version of the truth!!

Empty the bin before it needs it. Get a thermos mug for your tea. Buy treats and hide them, popping out should be avoided.

Find a decent handyman that doesn’t mind taking on small jobs.

Teach the kids as much independence as you can - eg. 5 year old takes plate to the dishwasher/sink, puts their clothes in the laundry basket etc. It’s sometimes easier to do it yourself but it will pay off later.

Also after i have added appointments to the diary I take a photo of the paperwork and save to an album in photos so I always have the docs on me

Start buying things for Christmas etc now. Slowly is so much less stressful.

I came to say exactly the same!

for me, exDH said he’d help with things but in practice, didn’t bother to move his arse.

so once I knew it was on me it was easier.

you find your groove. Prep uniform for the week ahead, get online grocery shopping delivered, deal with school stuff the days it comes in!

Don't be hard on yourself if things don't go to plan or you're not organised enough! Sometimes you can just go with the flow. Choose your friends wisely! Get out as often as possible, even if it's just the park. Also, remember to feel proud of yourself. 🥰

Loads of good ones covered here.
Mine is setting the breakfast table before I go to bed- sometimes kids go down first and I get a lovely peaceful shower.

I love these ideas everyone, thank you.

@Wildhorses2244 I have a weekly cleaner at the moment and I intend on doing all I can to keep her around! I don't eat meat/expensive food or alcohol really so I definitely make savings there.

I'm going to get meal plans sorted. I'm thinking maybe a monthly rolling meal plan.

I have my shopping delivered which is handy and staying.

I love the idea of sorting weekly uniform - I hate the Scrabble around for a clean polo shirt.

I have started the kids on putting their things straight into the wash basket, mainly because I was fed up of pulling tiny pants out of inside out trousers off the floor 🙄

I have today ordered a tumble dryer to make laundry easier.

I have brought a diary for the purposes of bringing together my work and home diaries/to do lists/school dates.

That you should trust yourself that you'll be great at it.

Thank you @NearlyHeadlessNick , I've been doing this on my own a while and commented earlier but I've learned a lot from other posts. Sometimes the solution is under your nose is what I'll take away from this including laundry! All the best x

Have 5 days clothes ironed & ready to go on a Sunday night.
Refuel your car on a Sunday too.
Food shop once a week, freeze separate 'meals' and take one meal out each morning before you go to work so it is defrosted & ready to cook at 6pm.
Book holiday clubs as soon as bookings open - usually 12 weeks ahead.
Put the first wash in on Friday evening
Keep a pot of £1 coins for non-uniform days etc
Keep emergency pizza & garlic bread in the freezer for when you really are too tired. Occasional beige food won't kill them.
Pair with another single parent to cover emergency pickups & dropoffs
Accept that your house won't be show home perfect but much happier

I found life as a single parent was actually easier - faster decision making and if I do something, at least I know it has been done. And oddly, much less expensive because things are well planned.

Can I just say that I'm a single mum of 2, and I have never ever had 5 days' worth of uniform ready on a Sunday night, and I haven't ironed anything in 13 years (which coincidentally is the age of my eldest). My DSes learn great lessons in initiative and self reliance by desperately scrabbling for clean clothes on the airer 5 minutes before they have to be out the door. Works for us, and I'm sure they'll make great husbands and fathers😆

Expect this has already been said but I'm a single parent of 12 years now. The best thing about it is control. The bulk of the work is around organisation and the hardest part is isolation.

My tips would be especially at those ages is doing everything you possibly can the night before as I expect they still need significant prompting and supervision in the mornings. As they are on dinners already everything you need can be packed in the car the night before. Including activity stuff.

Breakfast always always laid out and no choices given.

Meal plan obsessively and shop once a week max. Always have uht milk in the cupboard (especially on return from holiday). Keep some back up meals in the cupboard like pasta bake stuff.

Plan the meals around the days so like if you get back late on a swimming day it's a quick meal.

Activity kit has designated bags and is washed and repacked straight away.

3 and 5 year olds go to loads of birthday parties. Have a generic gift bag with small toys etc ready for parties. Ditto birthday cards and wrapping paper.

Use the calendar on your phone as much as you can and record invitations or events as soon as you are told and set reminders.

If you are going out for more than half an hour take a drink and a snack. Always.

Try and pre empt things being needed. So for example make the kids try on their wellies in September so you can buy them before it's torrential rain. You get the idea.

On a slightly different note one of the hardest things for me was getting the rage when essential items weren't sent back from dad's house. Either don't send them at all or buy duplicates if this starts becoming an issue. I have argued with my exh so much over this kind of thing which looking back could have been avoided. It was 100% their fault but you are stuck with co parenting and my best advice is let it go as much as you can. Apply this to them dicking you around about plans too. If you buy tickets to an event when you think kids will be with their dad - arrange a back up sitter.

Make time for yourself/something you like. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

As you work from home, have someone you can meet for a coffee / a walk occasionally, or you risk becoming part of the furniture.

Always have Calpol, Ibuprofen and adult equivalent in the house. And puppy pads/dick bowls etc under the bed for sickness.

A plan for how to manage if one needs A&E during the night - who can you trust to drop the other one with on the way.

Agree with pp not volunteering yourself onto the PTA or any of the after school club things.

Find some other single parents/farmers wives/others with absent husbands to do holiday activities/go camping with.

Make sure you've got up to date emergency contacts on your phone incase you're ill when out with the kids.

Always have some easy food options for if hlute too ill to cook and they need quick feeding.

Have lots of fun while they are little, and make sure you enjoy them. Don't let the hard times win - soon they will be big and in a blink of an eye they will be grown.

Keep some diary/record of the days, and plan fun stuff for the holidays. Even if they are cheap and cheerful trips to the park.

They remember the days out and the fun, not the material stuff. The baking the cookies, Christmas crafts and picnics in the park.

I think one of the hardest things about being a single parent is when you’re ill and there is no one available to help. If you have a good support network that might not be an issue for you. However, even with family and friends sometimes they’ve got things going on and might not be available to help. Or maybe they’re sick too.

I had such a severe flu that I really don’t know how I managed. I could barely keep myself awake.

Snuggled up on the couch with dc and binge watched tv with them. I slept but set an alarm/timer to wake me up after an hour or two so I could make sure dc were ok, provide food, drink etc.

I learned from that to make sure that when I cook dinner to cook more than we will eat to put leftovers in Tupperware containers and freeze them (label them with what it is and the date). And when you are ill or too tired to cook you have some ready made meals to put in the microwave.

I bought a chest freezer and it has been great. I also make sure that I have icy poles (I’m not sure what you call them in the UK) for when dc are sick.

Agree in writing what precisely maintenance covers and doesn’t cover and how you will split other costs. Even if things are amicable now, kids get more expensive as they grow and if/when new partners come along they will have opinions about finances.

Easy to get lost in admin so build a routine for looking after yourself and your health.

Budget below your means and keep a slush fund for emergencies. Aim to build up a month as instant access savings and put as much away in an isa as you can.

Go over your accounts and balances daily until you instinctively know what’s in your funds at all times.

Diarise everything - know when big bills are due, MOT, house insurance, utilities etc

Get the best deals, swap supermarket, use loyalty points, get meerkat for best insurances and then cheaper cinema tickets, get on airtime, etc etc.

Learn how to do stuff yourself and have a good basic toolkit in the house. YouTube it before calling out a costly professional.

Teach your kids about money. If your ex or family don’t cover this, take your kids shopping for your and eachother bday and Xmas presents - when they are small get them to pick it out with you, when they are bigger send them down the high street.

most important thing I’ve had to learn is to ask for help. Don’t take the piss but if your best friends husband is a plumber, ask in exchange for looking after their kids one day or similar. Also, research (mine) shows that if you ask a man if you can borrow his power tool to hang a shelf, that man will immediately offer to hang the shelf 😂

Use the school second hand sales or Facebook group where possible. Same for all those hobbies.

Get the kids involved in tidying up after themselves and as they grow, help fold and put away clothes, put away the shopping, empty dishwasher, etc so it’s not all on you.

Yes to the toast and milk tips above and to add to that, have a great pancake recipe to hand.

Finally, decide your tolerance levels. Do your kids need the tidiest house on the street Saturday morning or do they need to be with you snuggled up in the sofa with a movie.

You sound well on with the organisation side of things. You’ll be fine.
Sometimes the hardest thing is simply that you’re flying solo and don’t have another person to chip in. With the practicalities in hand (which you seem to have) I’d focus on building your support networks.
You’ll need friends, we all so,, but more so when you are parenting solo. Reach out, have coffee dates, invite people over, whatever connects you, because those friendships will become a lifeline.

Such great advice here. Depending on how reliable ex partner is, aim to have someone available for occasional babysitting when needed. It could be a family member/ friend that you can either help out in another way or paid babysitter.