To think it's wrong to make a child wet themself?

[WoIsMe]

A friend's partner was driving on the motorway when their 7yo daughter needed the loo. I don't know how close the nearest service station was or why they couldn't pull over on to the hard shoulder for a wild wee, but the partner told the girl to wee in her car seat, i.e. to deliberately wet herself. My friend found out about it today and is very upset about the incident. I can understand a child having an accident in the car, although maybe not so much at age 7, but it seems very strange to me. So, AIBU to think it's wrong to make a child wet themself in the car?

The hard shoulder isn't for wees. It's a dangerous place not a wee stop.

You can't pull over on to the hard shoulder to have a wee, it's inordinately dangerous!!!

However, if there was an opportunity to pull into a rest stop, clearly that would have been the preferred option.

Pulling over on to the hard shoulder (and there might not have been one at all, given how prevalent 'smart motorways' are is extremely dangerous and should only been done in cases of great emergency.

There might not have been a services for a long time, either.

It's not great, but perhaps there wasn't another option? Pulling onto the hardhsoulder for a non-emergency is really dangerous and there may not have been time to get to the services.

I suppose a lot depends on context. If there was nowhere safe to stop (not the hard shoulder) and it was more of a “we can’t find where to stop and if you’re desperate, don’t feel bad if you can’t hold it” type scenario then whatever. If the person deliberately didn’t bother to try finding somewhere to stop / didn’t reassure the child / did it as some sort of punishment then it’s wildly fucked up and cruel.

NEVER EVER stop on the hard shoulder unless an emergency (which needing a wee isn't!) as it's a ridiculously dangerous place.

The hard shoulder is extremely dangerous - witnessed first hand in NHS. So may people have lost their lives or have had life changing injuries from being on the hard shoulder. I personally always get in lane 2 when driving past someone on the hard shoulder, to give them extra space. Should only be used in extreme last resort

As others have said you can’t just pull over on the hard shoulder to wee. Way too dangerous (and illegal!)

if he drove past a service station then he was unreasonable. If there was no other option then there was no other option.

OP there isn't enough info on your post about how unreasonable or not the driver is.

Though I agree with the others that you don't stop on the hard shoulder to have a wee.

You can’t stop on the hard shoulder, no. But he should have pulled in to any services that might be available if there was one at all coming up.

So depends if there was one really!! Or if he could have come off the motorway and found somewhere for a wee - wild or not.

You have half a third hand story with bits missing.

But stopping on the hard shoulder for a wee is not appropriate 1 in 10 motorway accidents involve vehicles on the hard shoulder.

Do you really think the driver wanted their car to stink of wee? And to have the job of trying to clean it up?

It depends on context. Clearly you aren’t aware how dangerous it is to stop on the hard shoulder. I’d rather have a car seat / car to clean out than risk stopping.

Maybe they were no where near a services and he was right not to pull on to the hard shoulder (even is one was available)

Maybe he was giving her permission to go, knowing it can be painful and cause problems trying to hold it I , or she thought she’d get into trouble

As others have alredy explained, no way to the hard shoulder.
Aged 7 DS would have been told we would stop as soon as we could - ie next services - but he needed to hold it til then. If the next services were a ing way (I seem to think there is a particularly barren patch on the A1), we'd have left the motorway, and found a layby for a wild wee.

All things considered I’d rather have a wet, intact child who needed a bath than risk their life and mine.

This.

The only safe place is a service station.

I will never forget watching a TV programme about a 3 and 4 year old who were killed in the hard shoulder because the parents had pulled over because one of the children said they were unwell. It’s always stuck with me.

That said if he drove past service stations purposefully to not let her go to the loo then that is cruel.

We've had to tell our son that it would be OK to wet himself when on the motorway and we couldn't get to the next services in time. He cried a lot. We both felt absolutely shit. But it's over and done and no long term consequences - whereas stopping on the hard shoulder for a wee is both illegal and dangerous so not worth the risk.

If I wasn't able to get to a service station in the next few minutes, I can imagine telling a child desperate for a wee who was distracting me just to let it go. There isn't a lot you can do in that situation when you need to focus on driving.

Agree with all previous posters that the hard shoulder is dangerous and not for a wee.

If the driver just refused to stop at the services that's out of order.

Stopping on the hard shoulder for a wee is obviously insane. But if there was no services for miles, why didn't he just take the next exit and find a safe spot for a wild wee? Most motorways have an exit at least every 15 miles or so IME, and most 7yos can hold a wee for 15 or 20 minutes. Were they stuck in a traffic jam and couldn't get to an exit?

How to tell everyone you never drive on a motorway without ......

Sometimes you simply can't get to a loo stop in time, not ideal but it is what it is. Are you sure you have the whole story?

Are you nuts?

Do you know what the hard shoulder is for? And how dangerous it is to stop on one unless you really, really have to?

There's just not enough context here. Children can be very black and white in how they re tell a story. There might not have been a safe place to stop. That's not the same as an adult telling a child to just urinate on a car seat, which no adult would do by choice knowing they'd have to get the car professionally washed and valeted after.

I think it's illegal as well as dangerous to stop on the hard shoulder unless it's an emergency. Which needing a wee is not.
Years ago I was in a car with friends and one felt sick suddenly so the driver pulled onto the hard shoulder. (We were young and stupid and genuinely didn't realise).
The police happened to drive past and stopped and gave us (especially the driver) such a telling off. They let us go luckily but I've never pulled over on the hard shoulder in my life because of that day! (Obviously I would in a true emergency or breakdown).

Love a third hand story with no real context or information.

You don’t pull over in the hard shoulder for a “wild wee”. It’s too dangerous, not worth the risk.