Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's wrong to make a child wet themself?

95 replies

WoIsMe · 26/12/2023 16:22

A friend's partner was driving on the motorway when their 7yo daughter needed the loo. I don't know how close the nearest service station was or why they couldn't pull over on to the hard shoulder for a wild wee, but the partner told the girl to wee in her car seat, i.e. to deliberately wet herself. My friend found out about it today and is very upset about the incident. I can understand a child having an accident in the car, although maybe not so much at age 7, but it seems very strange to me. So, AIBU to think it's wrong to make a child wet themself in the car?

OP posts:
LuvSmallDogs · 26/12/2023 17:31

I can see how a frustrated parent with nowhere to pull over, might tell a whinging child (who they tried to get to go to the toilet earlier) "Well you can either hold on until I find somewhere or wet yourself!" because let's face it, that's what it boils down to.

RandomButtons · 26/12/2023 17:38

If the child isn’t old enough to wait until the next junction/service station then they need to be in pull ups.

It would be idiotic to stop on hard shoulder for a wee. Much safer for the child to wet herself despite that being grim.

WhatsInStoreFor2024 · 26/12/2023 17:54

Surely a child of that age would be able to hold on.... no matter how desperate they are, waiting another ten minutes or so would surely be doable!

DarkForces · 26/12/2023 18:05

Stopping on a hard shoulder is really dangerous. It's much better to allow your child to wet themselves if they can't wait for the next services.

WhatsInStoreFor2024 · 26/12/2023 18:07

I don't think a child that age would just wet themselves...they would fidget,whinge and cry. I'd have to get off at next exit as wouldn't be able to concentrate

They would have to wait. No hard shoulder stop, not an option

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/12/2023 18:13

Insane

Xmasblues · 26/12/2023 18:19

I assume the service station was far away and the child was getting upset saying that it was coming out.

So the parent said something like - don’t worry about it, if you wee in the seat we can clean it later.

I know I would tell my child to not worry about weeing in the seat if I was in a similar position.

mathanxiety · 26/12/2023 18:41

That was a horrible - even downright abusive - thing to do. There is always an alternative to making a child wet him or herself.

You have to care enough about the comfort and dignity of the child to accomplish any of the alternatives, though, and it would help if you weren't a sociopath too.

They were on a motorway, not a trek through the bloody Gobi Desert.

VisionsOfSplendour · 26/12/2023 18:49

mathanxiety · 26/12/2023 18:41

That was a horrible - even downright abusive - thing to do. There is always an alternative to making a child wet him or herself.

You have to care enough about the comfort and dignity of the child to accomplish any of the alternatives, though, and it would help if you weren't a sociopath too.

They were on a motorway, not a trek through the bloody Gobi Desert.

We dont know the whole story, what if the child had waited until the very last minute and the next junction was 15 miles away

What are the alternatives?

mathanxiety · 26/12/2023 18:49

AnotherOldBag · 26/12/2023 16:59

Stopping on the hard shoulder for a wee is obviously insane. But if there was no services for miles, why didn't he just take the next exit and find a safe spot for a wild wee? Most motorways have an exit at least every 15 miles or so IME, and most 7yos can hold a wee for 15 or 20 minutes. Were they stuck in a traffic jam and couldn't get to an exit?

Yes to this ^

Sugarfree23 · 26/12/2023 18:59

mathanxiety · 26/12/2023 18:41

That was a horrible - even downright abusive - thing to do. There is always an alternative to making a child wet him or herself.

You have to care enough about the comfort and dignity of the child to accomplish any of the alternatives, though, and it would help if you weren't a sociopath too.

They were on a motorway, not a trek through the bloody Gobi Desert.

Do you honestly think the Dad wants his car stinking of piss???
Or wants the faff of trying to clean a carseat and his car and an uncomfortable child.

Something is missing in the story.

Original poster
WoIsMe · 26/12/2023 19:33

Okay so you can't pull over on the hard shoulder for a wee but that's missing the point of my post. My question was about telling a child to deliberately wet themselves, not about how to finding somewhere for them to use the loo. I've been driving my kids up and down motorways for 20 years and they've never had to, or been told to, piss themselves in the car.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 26/12/2023 19:46

WoIsMe · 26/12/2023 19:33

Okay so you can't pull over on the hard shoulder for a wee but that's missing the point of my post. My question was about telling a child to deliberately wet themselves, not about how to finding somewhere for them to use the loo. I've been driving my kids up and down motorways for 20 years and they've never had to, or been told to, piss themselves in the car.

You gave the options of pissing themselves in the car seat or on the hard shoulder. The car is better. If they can wait for a toilet that's great

Original poster
WoIsMe · 26/12/2023 19:49

No I didn't. All I know is that my friend's daughter was told to wet herself in the car. I don't know why there were no other options. The little girl doesn't have any bladder or continence issues. My friend is very unhappy about the whole thing which is why I wanted to ask whether it was unreasonable.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 26/12/2023 19:53

Presumably there was too long between services so she couldn't wait. Not sure why I'm giving your 'friend's partner' more grace than you are. You clearly don't like them very much. Maybe she should ask them?

Dotjones · 26/12/2023 19:56

I don't know why there were no other options.

Well that's the problem because without knowing the facts it's impossible to advise whether they were unreasonable or not.

If they were approaching the services and the driver didn't want to stop for 5 minutes, they were unreasonable. If they were stuck in traffic or were miles from the next services or exit where they could pull off, they weren't.

DonnaBanana · 26/12/2023 20:06

Everyone I’ve know who ever stopped on the hard shoulder has been hit or had an accident while doing so, it’s one of the most statistically dangerous places in the country

Dwappy · 26/12/2023 20:06

I think unless you know the full dialogue you can't tell exactly what happened.

"I need a wee"
"Just go in the seat now I'm not stopping"

Is very different to

"I'm desperate for a wee!! I have to go right now!!"
"We can't stop now you'll need to wait 5/10 mins until we can turn off"
"I can't wait!!!! I need to go right now!!"
"Well in that case you'll just have to go in the seat because I can't stop anywhere right now!"

Both versions could be interpreted as being told to just go in the seat. One just makes the adult look much more unreasonable than the other.

Sugarfree23 · 26/12/2023 20:37

Op what do you think the drivers motivation was?
Keeping in mind, even if the couldn't be assed to stop they'd still need to clean it up.

porridgeisbae · 26/12/2023 20:54

We would always have stopped by the side of the road if we couldn't wait. I never knew of anyone who had deliberate car-peeing instead as an option for them or any passenger. Imagine trying to get it out afterwards.

NotARealWookiie · 26/12/2023 21:15

This isn’t really something we can answer without context.

VisionsOfSplendour · 26/12/2023 21:24

porridgeisbae · 26/12/2023 20:54

We would always have stopped by the side of the road if we couldn't wait. I never knew of anyone who had deliberate car-peeing instead as an option for them or any passenger. Imagine trying to get it out afterwards.

Even on a motorway? That's extremely dangerous, did you really put your children in that situation?

malmi · 26/12/2023 21:24

porridgeisbae · 26/12/2023 20:54

We would always have stopped by the side of the road if we couldn't wait. I never knew of anyone who had deliberate car-peeing instead as an option for them or any passenger. Imagine trying to get it out afterwards.

Risk your kids' lives cos you can't be arsed cleaning the car seat

porridgeisbae · 26/12/2023 21:35

I don't have kids but I don't know anyone who wouldn't do the stop by the side of the road thing in a wee 'emergency.'

Sirzy · 26/12/2023 21:40

porridgeisbae · 26/12/2023 21:35

I don't have kids but I don't know anyone who wouldn't do the stop by the side of the road thing in a wee 'emergency.'

I would stop at the side of a normal road if I could safely do so. I would never stop on the hard shoulder of the motorway for a wee stop. It’s dangerous and it’s illegal.

but too many drivers seem to think stopping with your hazard lights on somehow keeps you safe!

Swipe left for the next trending thread