To be depressed at the waste over Xmas

[MerryMidwinter]

Only a few of us spending the day together so I made a rough list of what we food we wanted plus a few treats so we could all contribute to the shopping and cost which we’d agreed to. Typically it didn’t go to plan and I’m looking at all the piles of sweets and cake that we’ve ended up with plus things we have been given and it just feels so distasteful. I don’t want to eat it, some I will donate but a lot will end up being eaten for the sake of it or binned. We’re visiting other relatives today and there will be more of the same. It’s such a waste of money and I don’t know why we all do it.

Likewise presents, we don’t go overboard but I spent a few hundred £ and really thought about what I was buying but I’ve got a bag of things that mostly I don’t really need or want that I have to find space for or secretly donate. They’re well- meant and I appreciate the thought but I can’t bear extra ‘stuff’ and few of them are things I like or will use. I hate the thought of money being spent on me that could have been used for something else.

I know I sound very controlling - I can’t expect everyone’s eating/buying preferences to match mine - but I’ve had an awful year and when things aren’t good it tends to get me like this. I don’t like myself much for it, it feels very ungrateful but I just really hate all the waste, of money and everything else.

We stopped doing this type of thing years ago as it felt excessive & there are less young children in the family now. No presents generally, occasionally secret Santa or we do an experience as a family instead. Food planned & used up as leftovers & people don’t bring food unless specifically asked.

I’ve learnt this lesson over the years. Now I only buy really good quality presents for my DM , DH and adult DC and absolutely no one else. We’ve had no food wasted this year, I bought a Yule log and some nice brownies but no chocolates or biscuits as I gave some to my adult DC in their stockings so they have some if they want them.
I said to my whole family we’re only buying food if it forms part of an actual meal, I don’t want random (normally fattening) stuff bought, we don’t have space for it and it may end up binned after Christmas.

Obv food bank or Olio is great but do people just not ration it out?

Kids got selection boxes, emptied into a bag and they can have one a day if they ask so not every day. Which means I'll just not buy chocolate for longer.
Biscuits, we'll open one box at a time and they'll get eaten prob by the adults instead of something else at supper. Interspersed with the cheese and crackers I bought that didn't get eaten.

We didn't even open the Christmas pudding. I may insist it's my birthday cake this week instead.

Not got lots of chocolates but again what we have, we'll just use as snacks or treats and it'll take us to Easter no doubt.

Fridge and freezer bits will be eaten based on dates and as part of main meals.

Maybe we just went Underboard so we've levelled out somewhere but none of us are very well.

Ooh there's panettone in the cupboard and those little German biscuits....

I get it. We don’t have much food waste as it was just ourselves. DD has ended up with more milk chocolate than she can eat, she and I like chocolate but not milk, so we usually sort it out and do brownies/ cakes until Easter. I’ve got a bottle I don’t like but I will be able to regift it.
I usually have a stash of Christmas food but it’s jars, packs, frozen - much easier to manage. Otherwise we are fine, but it’s just because we are not visiting family this year.

Hope you will be able to use up food for baking/ cooking and use gifts as presents or donations. That’s where google is coming handy with suggestions…

Similar in our house, I am careful all year and it’s been nice to have some treats. I told the DC their presents would be small ‘as I don’t want to get in debt over Christmas’ and they respected this, I want to set them a good example of being financially stable. We still had a lovely time. And I probably didn’t spend much more on food than usual, just added a few extra things not a trolley fill.

We’ve cut down enormously in the last few years. I am really careful what I buy. This came after I got a throat infection one year on Boxing Day. DH doesn’t really cook and just picked at things, I couldn’t eat, DD was a baby and some visitors we were due to have ghosted us. Had to throw piles of food away.

DH I also buy each other fewer better quality things. It much better since in laws have gone and we don’t exchange with BIL/SIL, as i felt forced to keep things for a certain amount of time before I got rid.

Do you decorate? It's both Christmas and the festival of the returning sun, set in the depths of winter to cheer us all up. It rained this year and my extended families still had fun and continue to do so. We celebrate till Epiphany and will do a large New Year party. Sat down with 18 to Christmas dinner, cooked by a team of us in various houses and brought, so no-one was overburdened. Included two under-fives, who behaved well throughout (as expected). We did a Secret Santa, which did not work out very well as at least one person was distinctly miffed at what they got, so not doing it again! Quiet Boxing Day. Today I and DH are at home and will eat a Christmas Day style dinner this afternoon (and then I will go bell ringing). Tomorrow two DGC are going rollerboarding and others (adults) are playing Kingmaker. New Year will be a murder mystery. I am sorry you do not much like Christmas. It does not have to be commercial and I and DH try hard not to make it so.

I love you. The only joyful message I have found so far (haven't gone through all thread yet), amongst a sea of misery. Why is everyone so miserable about having a good time, giving gifts, eating and drinking nice things and seeing friends and family? I love Christmas food before, during and after. The Christmas cake (really a Twelfth Cake) will last probably to the end of January. I have frozen desserts in portions. Will host on New Years' Eve, so what is in the fridge that can be frozen till then I will freeze. I hope you enjoy the chocolates!

I’ll admit (as I said in the OP) I’m a bit down due to a sad year but I’d think the same about waste even if that wasn’t the case. It’s not joyless to feel that way.

I did have a couple of lovely presents (from my DD) and we’ve enjoyed some nice food, not just on Xmas Day. I just don’t want to be eating Quality Street in February and trying to find a home for unwanted gifts but it makes me feel stressed and guilty because I know it’s well-intentioned.

I just don’t want to be eating Quality Street in February

This is where we fundamentally differ 😁

Seriously though, my kids have treat boxes all year round, they get a boost at Christmas - Easter - Halloween - cycle begins again. No treats get wasted. It is easier with young kids in the house though.

Loads of gifts for the kids, so maybe that means in March we'll dig out an unopened board game and have a lovely day playing that, and in June I'll discover DS hasn't read all of his new books so we'll choose one to start then.

All of our Christmas food gets eaten over the whole season, our tree stays up until 6th Jan = still Christmas!

It does sound like you've had a crappy year and that you're a bit disappointed in your gifts from others, which can be a bit of a downer. I'm sorry to hear that. Have you got New Year plans, or anything to look forward to?

Do you really never eat QS at any other time of the year? We have people bring them into work all year round and they're usually gone within a few days.

Perhaps next year, you could suggest that instead of presents people give you money in really creative ways? Like make notes into a bouquet or create a picture with coins etc. Those always go down a treat on the odd occasion I've had people ask for money and it doesn't feel impersonal that way.

Or make it an all-consumables challenge rather than stuff which just gathers dust. Perfume you like, posh creams, posh foods you've always wanted to try but would never buy yourself, hairdresser-quality products - the possibilities are endless.

That way, people still get to give you presents, but you know it will all be gone eventually.

Decide to have a smaller Christmas next year well in advance, let people know who will be visiting or giving presents.

We did years ago to avoid embarrassing a family member who was at the time with limited means, and it has proved a good thing to do.

I agree. I get particularly irritated by the vast amount of sweets, chocolates,biscuits that people bring as ‘treats’. I used to be left with bloody tons of boxes of chocolates which was a waste of money.
At Christmas time or hosting dinners other meals throughout the year I used to repeat ‘ please don’t bring chocolates’ - how bloody difficult is it to understand? 🤷‍♀️ But they arrive carrying chocolates!
If they wanted to be thoughtful they would bring handwash/ a candle/ a small bouquet of flowers - but tbh I am happy with no gift and don’t invite people to get gifts.
I think people don’t listen or leave it until the last minute and just grab a box of chocs en route. People are a PITA sometimes. lol. 😂. Rant over…

We are away for the week and bought exactly what we needed to eat and drink. We agreed small presents and I received a very interesting book. Secret Santa is a great way to do Xmas. We used to do that before the grandchildren were born. One present each - maximum £50. But i used to know one family where it was £10 each with a silly theme eg something for the holidays.

@Iamthatgenius well yes there’s a part of me that would really like to eat Quality Street every day! But my waistline says no and I try to enjoy things like that as a treat if I can not that it always works!

I’m aware I do sound both controlling and bah humbug - so much has been out of my control this year that I think I try to have some when I can and then it stresses me when it doesn’t work out. Here’s hoping for a better 2024.

Here’s hoping for a better 2024

I'll drink to that