To be depressed at the waste over Xmas

[MerryMidwinter]

Only a few of us spending the day together so I made a rough list of what we food we wanted plus a few treats so we could all contribute to the shopping and cost which we’d agreed to. Typically it didn’t go to plan and I’m looking at all the piles of sweets and cake that we’ve ended up with plus things we have been given and it just feels so distasteful. I don’t want to eat it, some I will donate but a lot will end up being eaten for the sake of it or binned. We’re visiting other relatives today and there will be more of the same. It’s such a waste of money and I don’t know why we all do it.

Likewise presents, we don’t go overboard but I spent a few hundred £ and really thought about what I was buying but I’ve got a bag of things that mostly I don’t really need or want that I have to find space for or secretly donate. They’re well- meant and I appreciate the thought but I can’t bear extra ‘stuff’ and few of them are things I like or will use. I hate the thought of money being spent on me that could have been used for something else.

I know I sound very controlling - I can’t expect everyone’s eating/buying preferences to match mine - but I’ve had an awful year and when things aren’t good it tends to get me like this. I don’t like myself much for it, it feels very ungrateful but I just really hate all the waste, of money and everything else.

@maddiemookins16mum loving that typo😂😂😂

I actually feel quite depressed thinking about it. It's obsurd and getting worse, despite the fact we all know better. How do you make it stop? Ideally I'd say no to plastic, no to anything unethical, and stop all the ridiculous gift buying.

Plastic itself isn't so bad IF it's durable or reusable.
My ride on tractor was mainly plastic and it lasted me, db, 2 cousins!

no to anything unethical
Problem is there is NOTHING what's absolutely ethical by everyone's ethical standards. Or not tied to non-ethical business.

Well, people call it boring, but sticking to the 4-gift-rule (one each of read, need, want, wear) for the kids does make a huge difference. Every gift is appreciated, money and resources don't go to waste because so much more thought goes into them.

As for food, I have refused to buy turkey for years. It's duck or any other small game bird here, one type of potato, two types of vegetables (sprouts and spiced red cabbage) and other than a few bits of gingerbread or stollen, which are all fair game even before Christmas Day, there is no need for pudding.

Today was the last day I had leftovers to handle.

The kids don't feel they miss out at all and we spend out time with the new toys, playing board games, going for walks and watching movies. It's all very stress- and comsumption-free.

I think the OP said that the food won’t be wasted, it will end up being eaten for the sake of it, but who wants to do that.

I was hosting a get together on Friday and we had agreed on what each of us would bring. One friend then turned up with loads of extra food - I tried to make everyone take some away, but everyone said they had no room in their fridge/freezer. I live alone, and was going away for Christmas the next day. I froze what I could but some stuff had to be binned. I felt unreasonably annoyed - they are very generous, and I’m disliking myself for feeling resentful, but I wish they’d just stuck to the plan.

Christmas day isn't even 24 hours ago, do you not eat Christmas food after this day ? Isn't that the whole idea having lovely Christmas food before and after the day, lots of goodies for when you want them, some of our chocolate is dated 2025, I think that gives us enough time to eat it 😂

I have felt the same way in the past op so I know where you are coming from. We’ve cut back a lot this year though and it’s worked well. We don’t live in uk so our turkey was small (about the size of two medium sized chickens). We didn’t have Christmas cake or a tin of chocolates this year and no one has missed them. We also cut down on extraneous things like nuts and crystallised fruits. C

We also have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day spread on Christmas Day, which means everything gets used up while everyone is around.

For one meal this week we are just going to have cheese and biscuits and red wine and salad and grapes and that’s it.

Another meal will be soup made from turkey carcass.

For presents we all had one good quality piece of clothing and a book each and one “silly” or frivolous tiny thing for under €10 and no one was complaining.

Decorations we’ve had for twenty years and they get packed carefully back in roof on twelfth night.

It’s easier for us though because our children are adults now. We had full on Christmases when they were small and I think the wider family like to indulge the dc so it’s much harder to stop the influx of stuff cluttering up everywhere!

We buy very few gifts for outside family - I bought for my niece's au pair as we are visiting, the woman house sitting for me and my cousin. My kids I know what they would like and it's a few gifts of good quality rather than a pile of stuff.
Food - we are good at leftovers! I don't mind eating turkey for days, and this year we had covid in the house so a couple of guests dropped out so we had more leftover. But also having guests tonight so the veggies will be used. We don't have people bringing food.
We reuse our wrapping paper if it's a large enough piece, and always reuse bows. In fact I bought vintage paper off eBay which is used. I think one tries but a bit if excess is inevitable. Just try your best and with planning keep it to a minimum.

It's not like chocolates go off quickly. It isn't a requirement to eat it all in a day and a half.

Most cake will freeze. I would prioritise eating anything with the shortest sell by date.

We have more in the house than normal and more than I'd wish to eat today but I am not expecting to waste any of it.

I can't wait to tuck into my leftovers from yesterday. I think I enjoy the boxing day dinner more than Christmas dinner.

I can imagine if there is a lot of filler gifts, it can feel really wasteful. But charities do take these and they sell well.

We always work our way through the food. A lot can be stored. We are usually still eating our Christmas cake in March.

But yes, it's over consumption. But unfortunately our economy relies upon it.

No - think “how wonderful, I have so many nice things I can give to other people” and do it - don’t just virtue signal and wring your hands on Mumsnet!

The trick to not having a load of food waste is to not buy the stuff in the first place!

This is the year I think I finally cracked it.

That's how I feel about the presents my MIL bought my DD 16m. All (about 15) either way way to old like 6years + or way to young like a crawling ball for 6m. All light up and loud and insanely annoying. I know shows done it on purpose to try and piss me off but I'm just going to thank her and donate.

YANBU, I feel the same. I genuinely dislike receiving presents, I wish we could just do away with it (apart from for children). I've already listed an unwanted gift on Vinted, could you do the same? I actually feel less guilty doing this than keeping something I'm never going to use, as at least the item isn't going to waste.

Olio

I’m relieved to see so many people agreeing, not sure I’m virtue signalling though - I like nice presents and food as much as anyone but not to excess.

It’s just hard to deal with other people’s differing take on it. As I said we had a list for food to try and keep it sensible but people went off piste which they’re allowed to do but it means we haven’t got much in the way of lovely leftovers which I’d happily eat for the next few days (meat, veg etc) but a mountain of cake, sweets and things you only really want at Xmas. And I’m feeling the pinch of having bought the actual food when I could have done with sharing that cost.

Likewise I persuaded my wider family to do Secret Santa but one member still needed the attention and had made up bags of extra presents with yet more chocolate and other things nobody needed. There was also far more food than was necessary imo - the sausage rolls, cake and trifle were wheeled out just a few hours after a big roast and most of it went untouched because I’m not making myself feel unwell just to be polite and I refused to bring anything back.

I just find it all extremely depressing - nothing is a treat any more because there’s so much ‘stuff’ (food or gifts) and it’s all dressed up in the ‘because it’s Xmas’ ridiculousness. I’d be so happy with less but nicer things but people in my world - and it seems the wider one - don’t seem to want it.

PS I’ll definitely regift or donate where I can but there are several
personalised things among mine and DD’s gifts 🤦🏻😩, thoughtful but just not things we’ll ever use.

I just find it all extremely depressing - nothing is a treat any more because there’s so much ‘stuff’

I agree with this. When I was younger we only had 'posh' chocolates at Christmas, only cake for birthdays and Christmas etc. Now it seems that there's often junk food floating around none of it feels special anymore, Christmas is just another excuse for people to be greedy under the guise of its Christmas. I know I sound like a Grinch but I'm not, I love Christmas and it's nice to have foods you love for a few days; but the gluttony of some is vile. Overflowing trolleys, eating until they feel sick and clearing it away before a 'fresh start in Jan'.

I would say though keep cakes etc for parties or if you go to a friends for dinner or whatever- it's sometimes appreciated to take a small offering and means you aren't spending any extra. Chocolates also make nice gifts for teachers, tombola or whatever.

I think that’s a good point - we ate well when I was a child, but we didn’t eat snacks or chocolate, so Christmas food was always something special.

I love leftovers as much as anyone, but things like sausage rolls, sandwiches, frozen ‘party’ food that’s been cooked and can’t be refrozen end up in the bin. It depresses me to think this is happening all over the UK judging by the trolley loads I saw in supermarkets. It’s not ‘virtue signalling’ to be concerned about waste. We’ve already had someone on a local group complaining that the food waste bin isn’t big enough.

Too late for this year, but you can nake an epic pie from Christmas leftovers. Chop all the meat, stuffing, veg etc. Mix with leftover gravy, cranberry etc. Top with pastry, mash or leftover roast potatoes

Will you be hosting next year too?

It sounds like you have relatives who don't like coming empty handed. The one who went off piste with the Secret Santa is probably incorrigible so the best thing to do is pay as little attention as possible to the extras. But the rest, if they're going to bring foodstuffs anyway, is it possible to channel that urge into something for the dinner, stuff you actually like? Ask for a dessert or two, someone could bring a ham, even a nice home made stuffing.

I no longer buy stuff that isn't needed in the way of gifts. My boys are late teens now and I used to think that the present pile looked depressing as they got older due to them having a more expensive main present so I used to add to it with shite. So wasteful.
Food unfortunately has been an issue this year as I bought to cater for family on Christmas eve but ended up cancelling as I have covid. I can't freeze due to space. Its criminal to throw it away but some of it has expired 😕

You can always drop spare biscuits or chocs to your local hospital. The nurses I met yesterday pounced on them, saying "That's lunch!" and we're so grateful.

Were so grateful . . .