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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be depressed at the waste over Xmas

91 replies

MerryMidwinter · 26/12/2023 07:22

Only a few of us spending the day together so I made a rough list of what we food we wanted plus a few treats so we could all contribute to the shopping and cost which we’d agreed to. Typically it didn’t go to plan and I’m looking at all the piles of sweets and cake that we’ve ended up with plus things we have been given and it just feels so distasteful. I don’t want to eat it, some I will donate but a lot will end up being eaten for the sake of it or binned. We’re visiting other relatives today and there will be more of the same. It’s such a waste of money and I don’t know why we all do it.

Likewise presents, we don’t go overboard but I spent a few hundred £ and really thought about what I was buying but I’ve got a bag of things that mostly I don’t really need or want that I have to find space for or secretly donate. They’re well- meant and I appreciate the thought but I can’t bear extra ‘stuff’ and few of them are things I like or will use. I hate the thought of money being spent on me that could have been used for something else.

I know I sound very controlling - I can’t expect everyone’s eating/buying preferences to match mine - but I’ve had an awful year and when things aren’t good it tends to get me like this. I don’t like myself much for it, it feels very ungrateful but I just really hate all the waste, of money and everything else.

OP posts:
malificent7 · 26/12/2023 07:34

I do get it op. I feel the same. Regarding food ...can you freeze it?
Regarding gifts...donate to charity.
I have said to the adults in my circle no gifts.

MassageForLife · 26/12/2023 07:41

If you have food that you don't want to go to waste, try posting it on the app olio, or see if there's a community food project in your area. It's likely that someone will be grateful for it!

And who's to say that the thoughtful presents (a few hundred pounds should like a lot to me) aren't being regarded by the recipients in the same way that the guys you received are by you?

If you don't want your Christmases to be like this - you have the power to make a change. Tell people that you have decided that you think the exchange of gifts ends up being wasteful and you would rather go back to having a simpler Christmas next year, spending time with family and friends rather than spending money. Plenty of people have done that.

Chilicabbage · 26/12/2023 07:41

We have very strong "Do not bring any food unless specified" and sent extras back with people who didn't listen. They did next time. So no waste here.
Luckily even presents get all use, because my family go for pracyical thing, but my mum did have collection of random shower gels etc from someone from extended family...

AlisonDonut · 26/12/2023 07:43

I stopped behaving like this years ago.

We have no extra food, we bought one pannetone and a box of liqueurs, and i made stuffing balls. The pannetone will last for puddings all week.

No presents, we usually buy something for the house or garden in the sales if we need it. There is nothing I need from someone else that I couldn't have got myself.

No charity wants everyone else's crap gifts, so next year do something about it.

Honestly, watching all the build up and disappointment, unless you are religious, is it really all worth it? Do people really need all this crap in their lives?

Summerhillsquare · 26/12/2023 07:44

Me too. The environmental damage all the waste does appals me. We've just been blinded by sales and marketing into mindlessly consuming. And the misery over the 'right' presents as evidenced on many threads here. Hands over our ears going la la la.

stepintochristmas1 · 26/12/2023 07:52

I guess part of me thinks producing all this stuff gave those who work in production a lot of overtime in the run up to Christmas so that is a plus . Also those working in retail hopefully earned overtime hopefully in their Dec . wage packets .
A good Dec. can save a lot of companies . But you need to think carefully what you want to do with the stuff you don't want so that others can benefit from it also rather than tossing in the bin .

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2023 07:54

We feel similarly to you about excess and waste. Not a single toiletries gift set was given at our house yesterday because nobody likes them and would rather have one product they actually use.

How much communication was there with your friends or family about what useful presents would be? It doesn't have to mean specifying exact links unless you want to, but giving some more detailed guidance might avoid getting gifts that won't get used.

notsub · 26/12/2023 07:57

Yes, this year I was doing pretty well in terms of buying/cooking the right amount but then we got sent a cheese hamper and some other food gifts.

God knows how we will eat all the cheese and I'm pondering who I can give the biscuits to because I don't eat them. Maybe MIL will take them off my hands.

MassageForLife · 26/12/2023 08:00

notsub · 26/12/2023 07:57

Yes, this year I was doing pretty well in terms of buying/cooking the right amount but then we got sent a cheese hamper and some other food gifts.

God knows how we will eat all the cheese and I'm pondering who I can give the biscuits to because I don't eat them. Maybe MIL will take them off my hands.

If you have space in your freezer, hard and semi-hard cheeses freeze well.

AuntieMarys · 26/12/2023 08:04

I'll be sending dh to work tomorrow with an unopened tin of Heroes. I purposely cut down this year as we had so much left over last year...I don't host and never make a Xmas dinner...but its so easy to get caught up in the frenzy.
Much better planning this year

PictureFrameWindow · 26/12/2023 08:04

We did okay this year in terms of gifts since we stayed home and people sent us small gifts by post.,When we go to grandparents for Christmas they buy insane filler presents (13 one year by Mil alone). I bought the majority of things from Vinted or eBay, and plenty of practical presents too.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 08:05

Plan better next year

MintJulia · 26/12/2023 08:07

I know you are right but on the other hand, in our house at least.....

It's once a year.

In most houses this year there will have been some thought to what is actually needed - due to economic reality

I have a fridge full of food and shortly, I will be on my own, but nothing will go to waste. I won't need to shop again until new year. Everything will be used, turned into curry or soup etc and frozen. By the end I'll have spent an extra £50 over my normal weekly spend (for two).

I am very careful all year, and it's lovely to relax, just for once to have an excess. People have always had winter celebrations to get them through the winter grim, going back thousands of years.

I managed to buy the right presents for my teen (a feat in itself) but still buying things he either needed or that he will use all year. Nothing will be wasted except the wrapping paper.

Presents for me were books, running kit that I'd specifically asked for, a game to share with my teen, gardening tools, wine, items that I would have bought anyway. And a beautiful carved wooden squirrel, chosen by my ds. No plastic tat.

The time together with family when we are all so busy, is healthy and precious, so I refuse to feel guilty about it.

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 26/12/2023 08:08

I’m like you, I think, where my worries come out as controlling and ungrateful, but it’s so hard with relatives who are brought up with the “you must have something to open” mentality. And, crucially, I don’t think it’s the thought that counts if there has been no thought.

so, for me…

Strict “no presents” rule where I can dictate it. Though I over cater it’s always with a plan on what I can do with the leftovers (today is jacket potatoes with coronation chicken and cauliflower cheese).

Meanwhile my mum was sulking that her 97 year old FIL had forgotten her present yesterday (and she was driving him back to his house, and he had one for her, he’d just forgotten to pick up that bag, and did I mention he was 97 and has no physical care or help.. 🙄). she’s the sort of person who likes “stuff” and goes for quantity over quality.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 26/12/2023 08:09

There are 10 of us here for the three days our guests are staying. We over-catered with some things, and have absolutely tons of food, but none of it will be wasted. Anything that's leftover will be eaten in the coming days, especially as we have more guests arriving for NY and staying several days. Dh is making a huge turkey curry tonight and the rest of it will be frozen. As for presents, we all do wishlists, so nobody gets unwanted things. I never feel we waste stuff at Christmas tbh.

RatatouillePie · 26/12/2023 08:11

We waste nothing.

Left over Turkey and veg will make soup and frozen in portions.

Pudding stuff can be frozen.

Cheese will keep for ages.

Wine mmmmmmm

AlisonDonut · 26/12/2023 08:33

notsub · 26/12/2023 07:57

Yes, this year I was doing pretty well in terms of buying/cooking the right amount but then we got sent a cheese hamper and some other food gifts.

God knows how we will eat all the cheese and I'm pondering who I can give the biscuits to because I don't eat them. Maybe MIL will take them off my hands.

The year we got a cheese hamper from my OH's work was glorious. I made all sorts. A completely off the wall unexpected treat. It lasted weeks and weeks.

I'd never in a million years buy one.

EverySporkIsSacred · 26/12/2023 08:36

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 26/12/2023 08:08

I’m like you, I think, where my worries come out as controlling and ungrateful, but it’s so hard with relatives who are brought up with the “you must have something to open” mentality. And, crucially, I don’t think it’s the thought that counts if there has been no thought.

so, for me…

Strict “no presents” rule where I can dictate it. Though I over cater it’s always with a plan on what I can do with the leftovers (today is jacket potatoes with coronation chicken and cauliflower cheese).

Meanwhile my mum was sulking that her 97 year old FIL had forgotten her present yesterday (and she was driving him back to his house, and he had one for her, he’d just forgotten to pick up that bag, and did I mention he was 97 and has no physical care or help.. 🙄). she’s the sort of person who likes “stuff” and goes for quantity over quality.

Yes the "you must have something to open" brigade are flipping irritating. I would happily agree to visiting without gift exchange but no matter how many times I say "there's nothing I want" they continue asking, then you realise they will buy you crap you really hate unless you make a list but are then left guessing what the heck they want and are left to buy some wasteful tat to reciprocate with. All very wasteful and very annoying.

HardcoreLadyType · 26/12/2023 08:45

I agree that there is a lot of waste at Christmas, and it is really something you can only partly control.

What annoys me is corporate gifts. Every year, one client gives me a particular kind of flavoured gin. I do like it, but I don’t get through a bottle in a year, so I now have a few unopened bottles of it. I tried to give this year’s away for a charity raffle, but they already had enough things. (I expect I can give it away sometime in the new year, though.)

This is just one example, but these gifts are almost always alcohol or chocolate. They are not personal gifts, given with affection or love. I find them a bit upsetting, really. More so than a friend or relative trying, but getting it a bit wrong, which, at least, has the advantage of sentiment.

TheMotherSide · 26/12/2023 08:58

I totally get it. You are not being unreasonable. Consumption in the run up to Christmas super-charges the kind of resource smash-and-grab that is totally unsustainable for the planet.

How about you think of the extra food as just energy? Change your diet until its gone? We overestimated our capacity for cheeseboard-eating, so will just swap dinner for cheeseboard a few times in the coming weeks until it's gone? Not much variety and likely to get a bit samey, but I might as well eat a dinner of 600 calories cheese and crackers 🙄as some other meal of the same calorific value.
I'm making soup from the leftovers today and sticking in the freezer while the vegetables are still OK. Christmas lunch mush soup. Not brilliant, but it won't be wasted.

The sweets our colleagues and neighbours bought us are going in my boot and will be redelivered to work over the next few months.
The wrapping paper will be folded up and reused next year. We don't mind if last year's cellotape is still on there, it's only us who sees it.

Next year, make a firm pact to limit gifts to X number per person and agree there will be no surprises. The members of your household get to specify precisely what they wish for, knowing they'll get exactly that. Then there's no room for misjudging and buying something that isn't needed and loved.

Also agree that pre-loved, second hand options for stated items are the go-to, first preference where possible. There is so much stuff in the world that there is always someone selling exactly what you are looking for second hand.

You know your gut feeling is spot on about this.

Janieforever · 26/12/2023 09:00

As much as no one would disagree with you, you say you had a bad year and when that happens you get like this. Is this maybe not just about waste but the fact you’re unhappy in general and looking for something to focus that unhappiness on?

britnay · 26/12/2023 09:05

We had loads of boxes of sweets and chocolates gifted to our children from friends and neighbours. Far too much for them. We let them keep a few and donated the rest to our local free fridge. Hopefully someone who can't afford it can have a little treat now.

cuckyplunt · 26/12/2023 09:05

Every one of those things has been made by someone, who has been paid and been able to put food on their own table because of that.
So much stuff is an environmental disaster, but there are too many people in the world and they all need to eat. If we all start eating only artisanal bread made from our own home grown flour and only buying from charity shops, millions will starve.
None of this stuff is easy!

DelilahBucket · 26/12/2023 09:09

We didn't buy any sweets or chocolates this year. Leftover food from yesterday is deliberate, no cooking has to be done today or tomorrow because of this. We bought a small dessert that provides two servings each, yesterday and today. It was actually lovely to find this year that I didn't have to play Tetris in the fridge to put the leftovers in.
My family do a secret Santa with wishlists so we get what we want. Only one gift this year that is unwanted, from someone who doesn't know me very well. The sentiment was there but it's toiletries and I can't use them.

headcheffer · 26/12/2023 09:11

I do get it and often feel the same. I try to view some of it as an extra way I can contribute to those in need. .

Toiletries go in the beauty bank in boots.
Baby stuff (clothes etc) goes to the baby bank drop off in town.
Extra food goes to the food bank or on Olio.
Unwanted gifts go the charity shop.

I freeze whatever I can, turn leftovers into nice freezer meals for January and chuck all the kids chocolate coins (they were given several bags each this year!!) in a big jar. We use them for treats in packed lunches on days out etc for months and months, and in baking.

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