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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay home tomorrow and not visit in laws

80 replies

Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 23:28

Plan tomorrow is very early start. Travelling for five hour to in-laws with DH and DC. I no longer want to go because…

  1. I’m getting my period and I’ve got gynaecology and digestive issues that mean I’ll have severe cramps, feel sick and faint, have loose stools and feel miserable and paranoid. IM peri meno.
  2. after a lovely day I just got home from dropping family home and DH had a go at me and I don’t want to be in his company. It’s stressful.
  3. I’m exhausted and could really use the two days to be by myself.
But DC will be gutted. Guilt is overwhelming. In-laws will expect me to present as fine. There will be no nurturing. I could be cheeky and ask to have a bath (would be so good for me’ but I know I’ll be judged as a princess and demanding.

would it BU to stay home alone (bloody bliss!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 23:29

I could suck it up for dc if that’s best.

OP posts:
NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 25/12/2023 23:29

Could your dh take your dc and give them a rest and allow them to see in laws?

Original poster
Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 23:30

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 25/12/2023 23:29

Could your dh take your dc and give them a rest and allow them to see in laws?

That’s what I’m wondering but it’s two nights and leaves DH with all the parenting.

OP posts:
TwentyThreeFifteen · 25/12/2023 23:33

You got to be with your family today, for the DC I’d battle on so they get a family visit with their other GPs.

crumblingschools · 25/12/2023 23:34

How old are DC? Is parenting generally shared?

Sophierx89 · 25/12/2023 23:34

Could you let your partner take your child to see their grandparents and you stay home and have some time to yourself? Just explain to him how you're feeling and that you aren't in the mood to be away from home in someone else's house and you don't want to ruin their fun x

Notfeelinghunkydory · 25/12/2023 23:35

Leaves DP with all the parenting?

And what's the problem with that? They are his kids!

1982mommaof4 · 25/12/2023 23:35

TwentyThreeFifteen · 25/12/2023 23:33

You got to be with your family today, for the DC I’d battle on so they get a family visit with their other GPs.

This

Overthebow · 25/12/2023 23:35

i think either your DH takes the DC and you stay at home, or you all go. I don’t think it would be far to cancel the DC going, especially as they want to go. Is it the car journey that’s the issue or being there?

Fizzadora · 25/12/2023 23:36

Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 23:30

That’s what I’m wondering but it’s two nights and leaves DH with all the parenting.

Show quote history

And???.
Sorry to be blunt OP but if you died he'd have to do all the parenting, all the time.

bellac11 · 25/12/2023 23:37

Why will your children be gutted?

Smartiepants79 · 25/12/2023 23:39

Are your kids particularly small and hard work? Any reason why a grown man can’t look after his own children with the support of his parents for a couple of days?
If it was me I’d still be going to my in-laws but they are lovely kind people who’d let me do as I wish to feel better and coddle me to death!
If you’re ill then DH goes with the kids by himself.

HamBone · 25/12/2023 23:42

Unless your children are very young, I don’t see why your DH can’t cope with them on his own. I’ve done 16 -hour drives (with an overnight hotel in the middle) with my two, from when they were about 5 & 8 and we’ve always been fine. A good audiobook or podcast is a must, we listened to the Harry Potter books!

Your in-laws will be delighted to see their GC and If you’re not feeling well, the break will restore you. 💐

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/12/2023 23:44

How old are the children?

Blumarine · 25/12/2023 23:51

It would be really mean to not visit your ILs at Christmas. Has your DH put himself out to spend time with your family? If so it would be horrid of you to not reciprocate. We all have to put up with shitty family visits at Christmas to please other people.

Plazzy · 25/12/2023 23:56

First, repair the argy-bargy with DH, even if it wasn't your fault. You have a bigger fish to fry. Then, tell him, I am ILL; I have cramps, diarrhoea, and feel like hell, I cannot do a 5-hour drive. So you have a choice: either stay home and look after me, or take the kids and look after them, I genuinely don't mind which. But I cannot be away from a toilet for that long.

YANBU, no way.

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/12/2023 23:58

Your family today, DH's tomorrow. Its a pretty standard deal and you are sounding like a demanding princess. You are being unreasonable.

Ju1ieAndrews · 25/12/2023 23:59

OP, if your DH had D&V, was in pain and had blood pouring out of his penis, would you ask him to drive 5 hours for a 2 day stay at your parents?

Why do we minimise women's pain and discomfort so much and insist on carrying on??

You are sick. Let DH take the kids to his parents whilst you stay home and rest. Any caring partner would want you to do that.

raspberrybeeret · 26/12/2023 00:02

Very poor form to cancel now. Won't your children be worried or upset if you suddenly stay home? Think you need to soldier on

MrsRuldolph · 26/12/2023 00:02

Plazzy · 25/12/2023 23:56

First, repair the argy-bargy with DH, even if it wasn't your fault. You have a bigger fish to fry. Then, tell him, I am ILL; I have cramps, diarrhoea, and feel like hell, I cannot do a 5-hour drive. So you have a choice: either stay home and look after me, or take the kids and look after them, I genuinely don't mind which. But I cannot be away from a toilet for that long.

YANBU, no way.

This 100%.

Clear the air, then make it clear you are not in a fit state to travel 5 hours without immediate access to a bathroom. He has a choice whether to go with the DC or stay home.

saraclara · 26/12/2023 00:05

If a woman had posted that, after they had spent Christmas with his family, her DH was refusing to go to her parents the next day, he would get slated on here. And if he said he wasn't feeling great he'd be accused of either man flu or making it up.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 26/12/2023 00:07

If you're not well enough to go then stay home and look after yourself. No one can physically drag you out the door. Your husband should be able to manage to take his own children to visit his parents.

Fourecks · 26/12/2023 00:07

Except OP has given a perfectly good reason why she doesn't want to go. OP, ignore the obtuse posters who are making out that having your family visit for a few hours is the same as you going to stay with someone for a few days.

NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT · 26/12/2023 00:11

That’s up to him if it’s too much he could just stay one night, his family would be there to help

Tinkerbyebye · 26/12/2023 00:13

Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 23:30

That’s what I’m wondering but it’s two nights and leaves DH with all the parenting.

Show quote history

Good, it won’t harm him to spend two days with his kids

i would just say I am to ill to travel, off you go