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Original poster

To be hurt by Xmas present

119 replies

SisSuffragette · 25/12/2023 22:23

My husband of 11 years has bought me something entirely inappropriate. It's not this but for example if I was teetotal for 8 years and he bought me an expensive bottle of congac.
I got him quite good presents and got the kids to choose him something too.

I just really feel overlooked and unappreciated.
I'm upset that he got something that goes against my beliefs. He acknowledged that the item doesn't align with my morals but thought it was 'beautiful'.
I have let him know I'll be taking part back (the other part is non returnable)

Am I being unreasonable

OP posts:
anyolddinosaur · 26/12/2023 06:53

Vegan "pearls" are available, they are made from glass.

It's something I've never thought about before as pearls are so expensive - but unless you are very rich the pearls he has bought you are likely to be fake anyway. Have you checked?.

Spottywombat · 26/12/2023 06:58

You don't shear lambs.

Wool is as about as ethical as anything reliant on animals can be. It's a kindness to the sheep & I would judge a farmer who left their sheep unshorn badly.

Get upset by fishing, how pigs are kept, how chickens are kept, Icelandic horse blood harvesting, all sorts of bad things...

But wool from sheep is a cost to the farmer, done for the welfare of the sheep.

goldenstar9 · 26/12/2023 07:03

Oysters have a small heart and internal organs, but no central nervous system. Lack of a central nervous system makes it unlikely oysters feel pain.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:03

Tell him it might be beautiful but you won't wear it so he can take it back or wear it himself

Skodacool · 26/12/2023 07:12

Redlarge · 26/12/2023 02:35

Plastic

Show quote history

And plastic is oil based and goes to landfill!

NutellaEllaElla · 26/12/2023 07:16

So they're not sentient, probably can't feel pain and are so abundant as to be a major pest in this country.

I don't see the problem. Even if one of those factors was untrue, I wouldn't see the problem.

Random thought, how do vegans feel about the fact that many (other) animals aren't vegan?

Twicemother · 26/12/2023 07:22

So as a vegan wanting to protect animals.

You can only wear manmade, synthetic materials that cause massive destruction to the environment when produced? (Eg Pollution)

You avoid meat, animal produce and animal by product. And replace with highly processed fake meat, synthetic materials, that are harmful long term to the body and environment in producing and world by not being biodegradable.

Am I understanding this thread correctly?
Or are some vegan views/beliefs contradictory?

I'm vegetarian btw. Don't have an issue with meat eaters or vegan (they actually give me a wider option to eatout nowadays). Just didn't realise the deep thought behind veganism, but this thread has highlighted it however it doesn't seem to add up.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:25

There's no point slagging off OP's choices. She doesn't agree with wearing pearls. End of.

2mummies1baby · 26/12/2023 07:27

Were they antique or second-hand, by any chance? I'm a vegan but will happily wear second-hand wool and leather (my budget doesn't quite stretch to pearls!).

PuttingDownRoots · 26/12/2023 07:37

Even as a non vegan, I can understand the viewpoint of not wanting use animals as a purely decorative item. There is justification for essentials such as food and clothing, but not jewellery.

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2023 07:48

I think the DH momentarily forgot how pearls are created. He should just apologise and return the gift -'a get you something else. When you're not vegan yourself it can be difficult to remember everything that isn't vegan all of the time. I don't think the alcohol analogy works well because you can't forget cognac is alcohol, as that's what it's sold as. Pearls aren't marketed as the by-product of a mollusk.

Username947531 · 26/12/2023 07:57

First world problems. I think you are being very picky and unfair to your DH. Veganism is one of those things that can be really hard to get right if you aren't one yourself. Get over it OP and think of people who have genuine problems this time of year.

ChristmasTreeCookies · 26/12/2023 08:01

Yabu they're oysters ffs.
Must be exhausting to buy something for a vegan, can't get any animal products including silk, wool, cheese, sweets, leather.. The list goes on.
Next time save your dh the trouble and tell him what you want for Christmas rather than getting offended.

Bainbridgemews · 26/12/2023 08:03

DixonD · 25/12/2023 23:55

Why?!

We HAVE to shear our sheep for their comfort and welfare. No harm comes to them - if we didn’t shear them it might well do.

Show quote history

I'm not vegan but have family who are and they'd rather the sheep weren't bred at all.

Original poster
SisSuffragette · 26/12/2023 08:05

NutellaEllaElla · 26/12/2023 07:16

So they're not sentient, probably can't feel pain and are so abundant as to be a major pest in this country.

I don't see the problem. Even if one of those factors was untrue, I wouldn't see the problem.

Random thought, how do vegans feel about the fact that many (other) animals aren't vegan?

That's completely fine for you to not see the problem, I'm not here to change anyone's mind. The issue is that its against my own personal moral beliefs, my husband knew that, and bought them anyway, as a gift for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SisSuffragette · 26/12/2023 08:07

ChristmasTreeCookies · 26/12/2023 08:01

Yabu they're oysters ffs.
Must be exhausting to buy something for a vegan, can't get any animal products including silk, wool, cheese, sweets, leather.. The list goes on.
Next time save your dh the trouble and tell him what you want for Christmas rather than getting offended.

Some real vegan bashing going on in this thread. My husband knows how to buy me a gift or to ask me what I want. We have been married 11 years.

We normally give each other tips but this year agreed not to exchange gifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
SisSuffragette · 26/12/2023 08:09

2mummies1baby · 26/12/2023 07:27

Were they antique or second-hand, by any chance? I'm a vegan but will happily wear second-hand wool and leather (my budget doesn't quite stretch to pearls!).

Like you I would happily wear them if they were second hand, unfortunately they were bought from a high street jeweller.

Some posters here have said they might be fake, so I'm going to do some more investigation/call the store.

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 26/12/2023 08:18

@SisSuffragette just curious, why would you wear them if they were secondhand but not if they were bought firsthand. Is the principal still not the same? Sorry, I am not vegan but just curious to what the difference would be if you are against it in the first place.

Mumsanetta · 26/12/2023 08:20

SisSuffragette · 26/12/2023 08:09

Like you I would happily wear them if they were second hand, unfortunately they were bought from a high street jeweller.

Some posters here have said they might be fake, so I'm going to do some more investigation/call the store.

Show quote history

I don’t think it matters whether they are fake in the sense that your DH didn’t think they were fake and still bought them because they were beautiful and he thought that should trump your vegan beliefs. I would be very offended by that unless I was known to be a flaky vegan! I mean, I wouldn’t buy a real (or even fake) fur coat for a vegan because it was beautiful and warm.

summerisnearlyhere · 26/12/2023 08:21

Wheelz46 · 26/12/2023 08:18

@SisSuffragette just curious, why would you wear them if they were secondhand but not if they were bought firsthand. Is the principal still not the same? Sorry, I am not vegan but just curious to what the difference would be if you are against it in the first place.

Exactly this, totally confused

margotrose · 26/12/2023 08:24

If oysters aren't sentient, why are vegans against them being used to create pearls?

Megifer · 26/12/2023 08:32

"You avoid meat, anim animal by product. And replace with highly processed fake meat, synthetic materials, that are harmful long term to the body and environment in producing and world by not being biodegradable."

I'm a vegan and there is 100% hypocrisy involved, although I will wear second hand leather etc because I also try to avoid plastics 😬

I cringe when other vegans start giving meat eaters shit when they mention animal cruelty, like they'll call someone a hypocrit if they eat meat and get upset about bullfighting, its very bizarre. ill always be happy when someone makes a stand against animal cruelty in any way they can.

CiaraLiara · 26/12/2023 08:47

The knitted item is likely to be 100% acrylic
So, plastic
Which is of course so so great for the environment...

FUPAgirl · 26/12/2023 09:11

I am also confused by the 2nd hand thing. OP how about you give the earrings to a friend to wear for a while, then ask for them back. Will that be OK then?

Is it just because can pretend it's ethical because you are reusing something? I really don't see the difference between wearing these - now that they've been bought and can't be returned- and buying them used from a charity shop (except for the obvious hygiene issues...).

It seems highly unlikely they are real anyway, why not look at the shop online. Or ask DH for the receipt, I'm sure the price will give it away.

houseonthehill · 26/12/2023 09:18

You could reframe it. He has given you the precious gift of Moral Indignation.

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