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Original poster

To be hurt by Xmas present

119 replies

SisSuffragette · 25/12/2023 22:23

My husband of 11 years has bought me something entirely inappropriate. It's not this but for example if I was teetotal for 8 years and he bought me an expensive bottle of congac.
I got him quite good presents and got the kids to choose him something too.

I just really feel overlooked and unappreciated.
I'm upset that he got something that goes against my beliefs. He acknowledged that the item doesn't align with my morals but thought it was 'beautiful'.
I have let him know I'll be taking part back (the other part is non returnable)

Am I being unreasonable

OP posts:
Definitelynotem · 25/12/2023 23:15

Having seen your response OP I do agree though, regardless of whether they are sentient he knew how they were made and bought them anyway. If it was an accident I would be more sympathetic!

Cherrysoup · 25/12/2023 23:16

That’s pretty serious, imo. I’d be really upset if my DH bought me something I didn’t agree with morally. It doesn’t matter if HE thought they were beautiful l he must have known that it would upset you.

OwlWeiwei · 25/12/2023 23:23

SisSuffragette · 25/12/2023 22:40

Yes this but pearls

Show quote history

I had no idea pearls were a vegan issue. Off to look them up now. Did he realise?

NotDonna · 25/12/2023 23:25

I had no clue how they are made (don’t have any) but if he did know then it’s incredibly thoughtless.

NewJobNewMeNewLife · 25/12/2023 23:26

I am pretty upset that my sister in law repeatedly buys gifts for my ds(12) that aren’t vegetarian despite her knowing he won’t eat marshmallow, haribo etc. I find it really disrespectful of his beliefs (I’m not vegetarian) and as he’s polite he thanks her for the gift, but then feels guilty about it and hates having it as ‘his’ and then what to do with it. I wish she was more thoughtful and considerate (my children are her only nephew and niece so not lots of people or a big family to remember about)
i could understand if it was an oversight but as he knew how they were sourced and your beliefs about animal products it seems a bizarre and thoughtless gift choice. It would make me feel like he had bulldozed over my beliefs in favour of his own.

MacLaine · 25/12/2023 23:29

How is knitting upsetting to vegans?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/12/2023 23:33

MacLaine · 25/12/2023 23:29

How is knitting upsetting to vegans?

Wool?
Vegans won't use an animal by product

SleepingStandingUp · 25/12/2023 23:34

MacLaine · 25/12/2023 23:29

How is knitting upsetting to vegans?

Animal products

RobertaFirmino · 25/12/2023 23:35

MacLaine · 25/12/2023 23:29

How is knitting upsetting to vegans?

I presume it has something to do with how the wool is obtained.

bellac11 · 25/12/2023 23:35

I suppose he thought it was beautiful and wanted something beautiful for you

Ok, he misjudged it but its not crime of the century is it?

Friendfoe1 · 25/12/2023 23:37

I don’t think buying you pearls is comparable to buying an alcoholic a bottle of whisky.
If pearls don’t align with your beliefs then return them and exchange for something else.

AndDrSamBeckettNeverReturnedHome · 25/12/2023 23:41

Op I get it.

I got more beautiful jewellery, very expensive, very beautiful but I don't wear any. I have a safe full of gorgeous pieces that have only been worn once (on the day I am given it)

I posted one year on MN saying how sad I was and yet got hounded out and told I should be grateful at least I got something.

At least I don't have an ethical problem with it, that does make it worse but in fairness I agree lots wouldn't realise the issue.

HoppingPavlova · 25/12/2023 23:42

How is knitting upsetting to vegans

Zero idea. They are not killed for their wool. I only know sheep and they are genuinely happy to be shorn and it is good for them (they don’t like the actual shearing but it lasts minutes, bit like a kid getting a vaccination). They are happier afterwards as not so heavy, cooler even though wool is insulating, and importantly it very much lessens the chance of fly strike.

bellac11 · 25/12/2023 23:44

I think its actually dangerous isnt it, for sheep not to be shorn.

What fabrics does that leave vegans to wear

Cotton (apparently bad for the environment)
Synthetic sweaty crap

No silk either because of the worms.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/12/2023 23:50

I don't wear fur , leather,suede , silk, wool or wear pearls .(Pearls are my birthstone . Out of 12 , I have the one I won;t wear )

There's been evidence of lambs freezing after being shorn and not all shearers are as skilled as they could be , the sheep can suffer stress being handled and be cut in the process .
But probably glad to get rid of the heavy coats that they are bred to grow .

Don;t google "mulesing"
Nought to do with a horse/donkey hybrid

Elfbeth · 25/12/2023 23:51

Exactly. It’s for the welfare of the animal that it’s shorn

ManateeFair · 25/12/2023 23:54

SisSuffragette · 25/12/2023 23:05

I asked him if he knew and he said that yes he knew but that he thought they were beautiful.

I completely understand that not everyone knows and I'd really not have been hurt if he hadn't known.

We weren't going to be buying each other gifts but when he said he'd bought mine I got him stuff too. So no hints were given this year.

Show quote history

Ah, OK. In that case, that is a bit shit on his part and YANBU to be hurt.

DonnaBanana · 25/12/2023 23:54

I’ve never heard an oyster. What noise would it even make

DixonD · 25/12/2023 23:55

Dashel · 25/12/2023 23:04

I understand and I would be really upset if my DH got me pearls. I would feel like he didn’t understand me or how important my beliefs were to me.

I would return what I could and eBay the rest giving the money to charity. I would probably make a large donation of my own as I would feel bad too, but I feel a lot of guilt.

I am sorry, a friend knitted me a Christmas present last year and I was upset at that but I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to be rude, but I was upset

Why?!

We HAVE to shear our sheep for their comfort and welfare. No harm comes to them - if we didn’t shear them it might well do.

Milkinthetray · 26/12/2023 00:00

bellac11 · 25/12/2023 23:44

I think its actually dangerous isnt it, for sheep not to be shorn.

What fabrics does that leave vegans to wear

Cotton (apparently bad for the environment)
Synthetic sweaty crap

No silk either because of the worms.

Plastic shoes that give you a fungal infection.

VikingLady · 26/12/2023 00:05

Wool: it's about the whole concept of using animals to benefit humans. So you're only breeding them, shearing them, controlling their very existence in order to benefit humans. Same as honey, really. Or free range eggs from someone's garden.

I asked some vegans this summer. (I'm pretty close to full carnivore myself).

Namechangedforthis25 · 26/12/2023 00:15

Have learnt a lot from this chat

and totally get it - if DH respects your beliefs he shouldn’t have bought it

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:17

Even my vegetarian guinea-pigs strode about in real fur coats !

To quote Jimmy Carr
"Guinea-Pigs . They're not pigs and they're not from Guinea . Lying little bastards"

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:19

DonnaBanana · 25/12/2023 23:54

I’ve never heard an oyster. What noise would it even make

No clue - but a noisy noise annoys a noisy oyster (so I'm told)