Page 3 | To be hurt by Xmas present

ChateauDuMont · 26/12/2023 00:19

Oysters can feel -

%3D%3D

caringcarer · 26/12/2023 00:22

I thought most pearls were faux pearls now. Real pearls are really expensive even vintage pre used ones. I like them. I've got a double string a very old lady gave to me 4 years ago because I always sit with her and chat to her at cricket matches in which my Foster Son and her Grandson plays and she told me she has no daughters or granddaughters so she'd like me to have them.

AllyArty · 26/12/2023 00:24

He could have done better. I understand why ur hurt but try and put it behind you-and hopefully he will get it right for your birthday.

girlfriend44 · 26/12/2023 00:26

Perhaps when you've sorted thus, you won't bother again doing presents. How many times will we see this problem occurring. Judy buy whst you want for yourself. Then you get what you want.

slaybell · 26/12/2023 00:28

Dashel · 25/12/2023 23:04

I understand and I would be really upset if my DH got me pearls. I would feel like he didn’t understand me or how important my beliefs were to me.

I would return what I could and eBay the rest giving the money to charity. I would probably make a large donation of my own as I would feel bad too, but I feel a lot of guilt.

I am sorry, a friend knitted me a Christmas present last year and I was upset at that but I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to be rude, but I was upset

Was it definitely wool it was knit with?

There are so many wool alternatives available, it is actually more likely to have been knit in acrylic, especially if your friend knows you are vegan.

I assume you didn't ask friend what fibre was used, as you "didn't say anything" before chucking/selling the gift?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:28

caringcarer · 26/12/2023 00:22

I thought most pearls were faux pearls now. Real pearls are really expensive even vintage pre used ones. I like them. I've got a double string a very old lady gave to me 4 years ago because I always sit with her and chat to her at cricket matches in which my Foster Son and her Grandson plays and she told me she has no daughters or granddaughters so she'd like me to have them.

I suppose with many things , if they are very inexpensive then a corner or two has been cut along the way .

Certainly the animal and without doubt the person involved in harvesting ,
When people are delighted by very cheap meat , something has paid the price - the real price .

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:31

Though years ago , faux pearls were filled with wax and some shellfish product / Mother of Pearl ( I haven't made that up , I remember from years ago)

SapphireSeptember · 26/12/2023 00:43

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/12/2023 23:50

I don't wear fur , leather,suede , silk, wool or wear pearls .(Pearls are my birthstone . Out of 12 , I have the one I won;t wear )

There's been evidence of lambs freezing after being shorn and not all shearers are as skilled as they could be , the sheep can suffer stress being handled and be cut in the process .
But probably glad to get rid of the heavy coats that they are bred to grow .

Don;t google "mulesing"
Nought to do with a horse/donkey hybrid

Moonstone and alexandrite are also considered birthstones for June, if that's any help? (Sorry, massive gemstone nerd here. 😅) Although there's arisen ethical concerns about gemstone mining, especially as they've got really popular via social media. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can see why OP would be annoyed by this. I'm not vegan, and I love pearls (although my pearl jewellery has all been charity shop finds) but it's the principle of the matter that's upsetting. It's like giving someone alcohol when they don't drink because of religious beliefs.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:51

Oh , I like the look of Alexandrite , its quite chameleon.
There was a post on MN recently about Lab Grown Diamonds v mined .
Mined seem to be falling out of favour now due to the ethics Blood Diamonds

Relaxd · 26/12/2023 01:21

Pearls not being vegan it isn’t something that many people would automatically think but of course reasonable that you are disappointed. My Mum bought something I have a food intolerance for (since a child). She also has that thing where people buy what they want or just tat because it was a bargain rather than thinking about the recipient-. I’ve tried the list approach but I’m lucky to get anything off it which then makes me feel disappointed and even more cross about the additional tat we end up with. Seriously tempted to give it her back, perhaps your DH would suit the pearls?!

Scirocco · 26/12/2023 01:35

If it helps, @SisSuffragette , there are sustainably sourced pearls out there - does your DH know if the pearls were sustainably/ethically sourced or vintage/re-set?

SapphireSeptember · 26/12/2023 01:39

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2023 00:51

Oh , I like the look of Alexandrite , its quite chameleon.
There was a post on MN recently about Lab Grown Diamonds v mined .
Mined seem to be falling out of favour now due to the ethics Blood Diamonds

It's so pretty! It changes colour based on the light source, which is really cool.

Moonstone is one of my favourite gemstones, although my birthstone is sapphire (as if you can't guess! 😅)

I'm not surprised, I wouldn't want a natural diamond. I've never been a fan of diamonds anyway, (think Anne of Green Gables being disappointed because they weren't purple) and even less now I know about the blood diamonds. Moissanite is another substitute for diamonds that's gaining popularity, and it's lab grown as well, cheaper than lab grown diamonds, and also more expensive, but more hard-wearing than cubic zirconia.

Friedfriedplantain · 26/12/2023 02:00

Shearing sheep for wool is animal husbandry, using the animal to benefit us not itself. Saying it's for its welfare misses the point, the animal wouldn't exist in that form in that time and place if not for farming. Anyway even the sheep is delighted to be shorn, what do you think will happen to that animal if it loses its usefulness, honourable retirement in a lush green field? Sheep are fucking awful for the environment anyway. Just own that you don't care instead of coming up with reasons why it's great.

Surprised so many people don't know pearls aren't vegan. I've been vegan decades and have a pearl ring but it's vintage and I bought it second hand so hard to get upset about, for me. That line is in different places for different people though. I don't do silk, leather, etc. Sounds like OP's husband knew where her line was but didn't care.

Flamingo68 · 26/12/2023 02:04

educatingrati · 25/12/2023 22:59

Antique pearls? Real pearls?
Fair trade pearls?
Pearls are an interesting one; when I was island hoping in the pacific I was invited to an indigenous village, oysters and squid were on the menu, having been caught earlier that day. It would have been incredibly rude for me to turn down the meal, I was also give a pearl. I still have it and it's absolutely beautiful.
So whilst I get being a vegan and given pearls isn't ideal, I'm guessing your husband isn't vegan and didn't think about the link between pearl and animal?
If they are antique pearls I can't see the issue, if they are faux pearls also no issue, but hmmm real cultured or wild pearls, I can see it's a bit of a dilemma. But I don't see it as him being selfish / cruel / undervaluing you, more the not quite linking that pearls are an animal product which result in the death of the animal. I bet he thought it was a brilliant present and has only thought 'argh shit' once you pointed it out!
So many people don't link pearls and a living creature, they see it more as a precious 'stone'.

A little confused…were you vegan at the time of your visit to the Pacific island?

Redpaisley · 26/12/2023 02:10

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 23:11

I am not vegan but even I would be miffed at this.

Eating animal products to stay alive vs a pretty necklace to look nice is obviously massively different.

I would ask him to return it.

The fact that he knew you’d have an issue with it but still bought it because he liked it, would piss me off more than the actual pearls tbh.

Do you eat meat to stay alive? You have other options.

usererror99 · 26/12/2023 02:30

It's not something many people would realise to be fair

And just reaffirms the stereotype that vegans can be hard work to be around

Redlarge · 26/12/2023 02:35

bellac11 · 25/12/2023 23:44

I think its actually dangerous isnt it, for sheep not to be shorn.

What fabrics does that leave vegans to wear

Cotton (apparently bad for the environment)
Synthetic sweaty crap

No silk either because of the worms.

Plastic

Redlarge · 26/12/2023 02:38

SapphireSeptember · 26/12/2023 00:43

Moonstone and alexandrite are also considered birthstones for June, if that's any help? (Sorry, massive gemstone nerd here. 😅) Although there's arisen ethical concerns about gemstone mining, especially as they've got really popular via social media. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can see why OP would be annoyed by this. I'm not vegan, and I love pearls (although my pearl jewellery has all been charity shop finds) but it's the principle of the matter that's upsetting. It's like giving someone alcohol when they don't drink because of religious beliefs.

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Blood diamonds too.

thebestinterest · 26/12/2023 02:44

SisSuffragette · 25/12/2023 22:40

Yes this but pearls

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What’s wrong with pearls???

HirplesWithHaggis · 26/12/2023 02:45

Redlarge · 26/12/2023 02:35

Plastic

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Oil based, not good for the environment, doesn't biodegrade.

Anuta77 · 26/12/2023 02:46

My husband of 11 years has bought me something entirely inappropriate...
I just really feel overlooked and unappreciated.

I didnt even know there was an issue with pearls. And while I do not encourage animal cruelty (if theres any in case of pearls), I find it surprising when people use such strong words about something like this.

If he bought you something he thought was beautiful, thats very sweet of him. At least, you could have ask him if he minds that you return it and exchange it for something else and be nice about it, instead of just letting him know that you will be returning it, basically showing him that you reject it.

My husband is not good with gifts, but I try to at least be nice about it.

HirplesWithHaggis · 26/12/2023 02:46

thebestinterest · 26/12/2023 02:44

What’s wrong with pearls???

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The oyster dies.

HoppingPavlova · 26/12/2023 04:26

There's been evidence of lambs freezing after being shorn and not all shearers are as skilled as they could be , the sheep can suffer stress being handled and be cut in the process

No idea why lambs would be shorn as that’s not a thing. Usually mum is separated from lamb (only for length of time in shearing shed which is pretty quick), then gets put back out and mum and lamb very quickly find each other again. Even older lambs without mum, I’ve never heard of being shorn and I’ve a lot of experience with sheep (huge sheep properties in the family). As for shearer’s not being skilled …….. if not, they don’t gain future employment. Newbies will have L plates on for the first season or two, but even then if just not good at it their career ends pronto as they won’t be re-employed and their name goes around as a shit shearer so no work.

As for mulesing, yep, looks pretty gruesome but I’m gathering you have never seen sheep with fly strike? An utterly miserable end and they need to be shot. Not exactly nice to have maggots eating you to death while alive. That’s why all sheep are shorn, and breeds that have heavy skin folds are mulsed, it’s an act of kindness.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2023 05:16

If he knew how strongly you felt then he shouldn't have bought you it - does he usually ignore how you feel about veganism or ethical jewellery?

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/12/2023 06:32

Definitelynotem · 25/12/2023 23:13

We don’t fully know, but the generally agreed answer is that they probably don’t. They certainly aren’t conscious.

They aren't conscious in the sense of having great awareness, but they certainly feel at least severe discomfort, though likely not pain the way we would consider it. Every living creature experiences some for of pain because it is an evolutionary imperative - without it we (and they) would ignore things that are damaging/ will kill them.

The very fact that there is a pearl at all is a response to an irritant. Oyters have an instinct to close in self-protection and the muscle holding the shell shut has to be cut or snapped - so yes, the oyster is suffering, though we don't know how much. Arguably cultured pearls are more immoral than "natural ones, because the irritant is deliberately introduced.

But perhaps more importantly there is the question of how much we have the right to interfere with the life of another creature just because we can - when it is causing us no problems and we don't need it for food.

On the other, immoral, hand, pearls are indeed beautiful.