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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they started presents without me?

140 replies

JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 16:59

I told DD last night that if she wakes up early she can open her stocking and if Grandad (he lives with us) is downstairs she can go down, but don't touch any presents without me.

I woke at 7am, saw DD was up as her bed was empty, she hadn't opened her stocking just left them wrapped up still on the bed.
I go downstairs and to my horror my dad was putting together her MAIN present. I could have cried, I wanted to see the look on her face.
If I hadn't woken up when I did I would have missed it all, I got down in time to watch her open a few but she had already opened the main ones.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my dad? I said to him on what planet would a mother want to miss out on watching her child unwrap all the presents she'd spent hours shopping for, and wrapping.

I have put so much effort into today, & it really hurt. I'm not angry with DD as she's only 5, but surely my dad should have known better?

Or am I being a tad emotional?

OP posts:
PurBal · 25/12/2023 17:02

YANBU. DS is 2 and I was trying to stall him at 5am whilst DH woke and got out of bed because we both wanted to see his face when the mince pie we left for FC was gone.

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

KnickerlessParsons · 25/12/2023 17:03

I think you're being a bit precious actually. You can watch her as she plays with it and opens her stocking.

Nosingreindeer · 25/12/2023 17:05

Some people on here are insane. Of course he should have known better and waited. It's obvious and very basic politeness. Obviously it's done now but yes I would expect an apology and attempt to make it right.

Glenthebattleostrich · 25/12/2023 17:05

No, seeing their faces is the reward for all the effort you put into Christmas, it's really mean and thoughtless of your dad.

MIL encouraged DD to open her gifts while I was making coffee and getting the croissants out of the oven. DH stopped her thankfully but I was very cross especially as her excuse was i see DD all the time so she should get the Christmas joy as she's her grandma. She was cross that we did stockings in bed and she wasn't invited into my bedroom for that.

Radiat · 25/12/2023 17:06

YANBU. I’d have presumed most people would make sure the parent would be there to see LO opening their gifts. It’s bizarre to suggest otherwise as it is so obvious you’d want to see her.

ManateeFair · 25/12/2023 17:07

He should have waited but it’s not the end of the world

Ace56 · 25/12/2023 17:07

YANBU, but did you tell you dad what the plan was? ‘If DD wakes up super early tomorrow, feel free to open her stocking with her but please wake me up before we do the big presents downstairs.’

millymoo1202 · 25/12/2023 17:07

Why on earth would he not just say, let’s go and waken up mummy, totally out of order! Is there a big back story?

AngelAurora · 25/12/2023 17:09

Yabu you should have got up earlier to supervise, and it was your daughter who opened the present not your dad.

AngelAurora · 25/12/2023 17:10

Nosingreindeer · 25/12/2023 17:05

Some people on here are insane. Of course he should have known better and waited. It's obvious and very basic politeness. Obviously it's done now but yes I would expect an apology and attempt to make it right.

Why should he apologise? She should of been up

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/12/2023 17:12

That’s so annoying. I’d guess he wasn’t an involved Dad putting in all the effort when you were little; not valuing the work you’ve done.

zurala · 25/12/2023 17:13

AngelAurora · 25/12/2023 17:10

Why should he apologise? She should of been up

Show quote history

At 6.30am?? Ridiculous. Of course he should have waited.
We do presents as a family, after breakfast and only when everyone is up.

Whattodowithit88 · 25/12/2023 17:14

Of course he should of told her to wait or to go and wake you up, what planet are these posters on who seem to be ok with missing the part of their children opening presents that you spent hours shopping and wrapping for!!

Stresa22 · 25/12/2023 17:15

Yes I think he should have known better. How did he defend himself?

purpleme12 · 25/12/2023 17:17

OP I feel really bad for you.
I would be so upset.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 25/12/2023 17:17

I am guessing as the presents on her bed were unopened, the message got confused.

She didn’t open those presents. She opened the others.

From your Op it seems that you told her but not him. He may have, listened to her. And it all got muddled.

Unless you think he did it on purpose, I would take a breath. Be a bit upset then move on. And next year I would suggest telling her that she can’t go downstairs until she has woken you up. Always makes life easier. A small child rushing downstairs to see their presents, is always going to want to dive straight in.

SussexLass87 · 25/12/2023 17:17

Of course you're not being unreasonable, I would have been so upset.

pictoosh · 25/12/2023 17:18

No, he's a thoughtless idiot. I'd have been pissed off too.

psuedocream3 · 25/12/2023 17:20

I'm with you on this one OP especially I'd you put all the hard work into all the preparations and missed the look on their faces when they see Santa's has been.

My husband did exactly the same this morning, I was sorting out our asd daughter to come downstairs to open gifts to find he had already opened most of them with our son. Its not a huge deal but he didn't do any of the preparation and we always do it as a family.

I think it's OK to be sad for a moment and move on, you can't undo it and whilst it's not nice, I wouldn't let it ruin your Christmas.

Sugarsun · 25/12/2023 17:25

No I would have been so upset!!

Christmas morning is literally the best part!

I would let it go though because I’m sure your dad didn’t intentionally do it to upset you.

Wellhellooooodear · 25/12/2023 17:27

YANBU. Sorry OP I'd be furious

Vinrouge4 · 25/12/2023 17:29

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

He’s not a mind reader but it’s not rocket science to realise a mum would want to watch her child unwrap their presents. Men are generally useless.

JustOneMoreBaileys · 25/12/2023 17:31

Fucking hell - I am usually pretty laid back about these things but your father has to be a bloody idiot for not realising. Or he's uncaring.

I would genuinely lose my actually shit at any adult that sat and helped my child open their presents before I got up.

It's not too much to ask for them to wake you first.

UserM6 · 25/12/2023 17:33

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

Don’t be daft. It’s common sense to not open presents without the permission of the person giving them.