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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they started presents without me?

140 replies

JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 16:59

I told DD last night that if she wakes up early she can open her stocking and if Grandad (he lives with us) is downstairs she can go down, but don't touch any presents without me.

I woke at 7am, saw DD was up as her bed was empty, she hadn't opened her stocking just left them wrapped up still on the bed.
I go downstairs and to my horror my dad was putting together her MAIN present. I could have cried, I wanted to see the look on her face.
If I hadn't woken up when I did I would have missed it all, I got down in time to watch her open a few but she had already opened the main ones.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my dad? I said to him on what planet would a mother want to miss out on watching her child unwrap all the presents she'd spent hours shopping for, and wrapping.

I have put so much effort into today, & it really hurt. I'm not angry with DD as she's only 5, but surely my dad should have known better?

Or am I being a tad emotional?

OP posts:
Rosiem2808 · 26/12/2023 10:10

@AngelAurora

Why should he apologise? She should of been up

Should she of ?

Sorry couldn't help it🙂

Autumnleaves89 · 26/12/2023 10:11

YANBU. I would be absolutely gutted 😢

ChimChimeny · 26/12/2023 10:18

Is this the dad who lived abroad but came home for medical treatment?.And you have the shitty sister?
If so, Im surprised by your dad's lack of remorse because he's a bastard, and I hope next year you have the day you want with just you & your DD

multicolouredbunting · 26/12/2023 10:27

I think if you were that bothered you should of had your 5 year old wake you up when she was up. I was expecting her to be older when you said she could open her stocking and wait. But 5?! They have excitement brewing for weeks before Christmas!

Forcedoutoflurking · 26/12/2023 10:34

I would be absolutely furious too! All that shopping, my greatest pleasure of the year is Christmas morning when the kids come down and see their presents.

Kwasi · 26/12/2023 11:37

multicolouredbunting · 26/12/2023 10:27

I think if you were that bothered you should of had your 5 year old wake you up when she was up. I was expecting her to be older when you said she could open her stocking and wait. But 5?! They have excitement brewing for weeks before Christmas!

I agree with this. I thought DC was going to be in double digits. While DG is in the wrong, OP didn't tell DC to wake her.

DonnaBanana · 26/12/2023 12:00

Maybe he thought he was being kind and letting OP catch a little extra sleep before the big day considering everything she’d done. But yes let’s assume bad faith

Whathappenstomyal · 26/12/2023 13:14

DonnaBanana · 26/12/2023 12:00

Maybe he thought he was being kind and letting OP catch a little extra sleep before the big day considering everything she’d done. But yes let’s assume bad faith

I think she knows her father and his motives as he has form for being a selfish pig.

LauderSyme · 26/12/2023 13:26

@DonnaBanana he could have let OP sleep longer without letting his dgd open her main present from her mum!

He could have entertained the little girl happily enough whilst explaining "No, you must not touch that one yet because that present is from Mummy and Mummy will be really sad if we open it without her. So we're going to wait and share the moment all together".

For me, the fact that OP's dad didn't think this and didn't do this, means that in regards to his daughter's needs and wants, he is a selfish, thoughtless prick. Call it bad faith if you like.

LaurieStrode · 26/12/2023 14:10

Nosingreindeer · 25/12/2023 17:05

Some people on here are insane. Of course he should have known better and waited. It's obvious and very basic politeness. Obviously it's done now but yes I would expect an apology and attempt to make it right.

Agree with this. I'd be furious.

Letsbe · 26/12/2023 18:08

I don't know if you are being unreasonable but Mumsnet seems full of disappointment that this day has not been the incredible amazing day the adverts tell us it should be.

It must be a surprise all the presents must be great you must see the delight on their faces everyone should be grateful. Food must be marvelous.

The pressure is immense. My children are much older now and there have been lots of chances to see delight on their faces.

mandlerparr · 26/12/2023 18:49

These comments are wild. You all are really letting your kids dictate when you open presents? getting up super early just to do so? I am way too much of a permissive parent and never have any of my kids ever just gotten up and started opening their gifts. and when they have come to me and asked to do so, I have reminded them that we all open gifts together and at a later time in the day. They get their stockings which have small gifts in them and that is more than enough to hold them over.
You all need to understand that not everyone has your tradition of get up early and open all the presents. If you do, fine. But you don't get to come on here and tell someone else that they should have gotten up early and let their kid open all their presents just because that is what you do. She made it clear to her family that she wanted to wait until later and they should have respected her as the person who got the presents and did all or most of the work preparing for Christmas to start with. 5 years old is old enough.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 26/12/2023 18:54

You never told the 5 yr old to come get you at whatever time she woke then you both go down and see i if Santa had been . ?
Instead your Dd got up and you didn’t hear her, arent Parents normaly on pins Xmas eve .

You also never spoke to your father about it how was he to know .

Next Xmas storming you nee to get up with your dd

MMAS · 26/12/2023 18:59

Get a grip - totally your fault for not telling him what the main present was. If you did and, that was ignored, then you need to check why he forgot and investigate that instead.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/12/2023 19:08

Blimey, it's really nothing to do with it being payback for "all the hard work". What kind of selfish gift-giving attitude is that? But there's nothing wrong with wanting to share in the excitement of the gift opening and your dad should have known that you'd have wanted to share in that.

But it's not the end of the world really. The main thing is that your DD loved the present. Your dad would have got pleasure in seeing her opening it, so as long as the present is spreading joy that's all that matters when it comes down to it.

Harls1969 · 26/12/2023 19:10

YANBU - I'd be upset and mine are adults now, but the 'magic' years are so few you don't want to miss unless you have no choice. The best thing about Christmas is watching others open their presents. Those saying you should have told your dad - why? Surely everyone knows that a parent will want to see their child open their presents?

neighboursmustliveon · 26/12/2023 19:19

Seriously? No adult should need to be told that you wait for the parents to be there before they allow children to open
presents.

my mil stated for the first time this year and even though she is never there to open presents we still waiting for her to be up and about and all together before we started!

DinaofCloud9 · 26/12/2023 19:48

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 26/12/2023 18:54

You never told the 5 yr old to come get you at whatever time she woke then you both go down and see i if Santa had been . ?
Instead your Dd got up and you didn’t hear her, arent Parents normaly on pins Xmas eve .

You also never spoke to your father about it how was he to know .

Next Xmas storming you nee to get up with your dd

What a load of gibberish.

Beautiful3 · 26/12/2023 20:03

Sounds like she was confused as she left her stocking unopened, but sent downstairs instead. It's nothing to get worked up about. The main thing is, she enjoyed her self.

rhianfitz · 26/12/2023 20:18

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I would have been really upset too

abeeabeeisafterme · 26/12/2023 20:35

YANBU at all. Buying, wrapping and giving gifts to my children they'll enjoy is much more enjoyable than receiving any gift. And that moment of opening a gift that you've thought about, spent money and time choosing, buying and wrapping is precious. That's why we sit there taking photos and videos. It's gutting that he treated what meant a-lot to you with so little care. I'm very sorry that happened, and he didn't apologise. Tell your dd that you co-ordinated with Santa so you get some credit!

Pomvit · 26/12/2023 21:22

You’re being unreasonable to expect a child to wait. Your instructions should have been when you wake up come and get me

FirstTimeTTC989 · 26/12/2023 21:31

Your dad just doesn't sound very nice tbh. YANBU.

Ukrainebaby23 · 26/12/2023 21:32

Does your dad have any health issues ? Having difficulty with instructions and plans can be a sign of sometimes of dementia, eg ftd.
Especially with the lack of apology/empathy.

Zanatdy · 26/12/2023 21:34

Well my dad wouldn’t have done that, he would have said we need to wait for everyone to come as that’s what we always did, wait for everyone to see the kids unwrap. He doesn’t need to be a mind reader to know that. Very unfair