Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset they started presents without me?

140 replies

JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 16:59

I told DD last night that if she wakes up early she can open her stocking and if Grandad (he lives with us) is downstairs she can go down, but don't touch any presents without me.

I woke at 7am, saw DD was up as her bed was empty, she hadn't opened her stocking just left them wrapped up still on the bed.
I go downstairs and to my horror my dad was putting together her MAIN present. I could have cried, I wanted to see the look on her face.
If I hadn't woken up when I did I would have missed it all, I got down in time to watch her open a few but she had already opened the main ones.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry with my dad? I said to him on what planet would a mother want to miss out on watching her child unwrap all the presents she'd spent hours shopping for, and wrapping.

I have put so much effort into today, & it really hurt. I'm not angry with DD as she's only 5, but surely my dad should have known better?

Or am I being a tad emotional?

OP posts:
Original poster
JellyWellyBoots · 25/12/2023 21:47

It's typical of my father to be honest, he's not considerate of others, he didn't see it as a big deal when I clearly expressed how upset I was. He didn't care. I spent hours picking out each gift, including all his presents which she could of accidentally opened! I wrapped them all and hid them, waited up late until everyone was asleep (hence the 7am 'lie in')
Then put them under the tree.

I've been quite low all day to be honest, not just about this morning but in general. I wanted so badly for this day to be special after having so many Christmas's ruined by my ex. I put so much fucking effort in.

Just waiting for bedtime now. Think I'll go for a really long drive tomorrow.

OP posts:
brentwoods · 25/12/2023 21:54

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

But her dad presumably isn't an idiot and should have known better.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/12/2023 22:08

Maybe he thought you would like a lie in? I guess you know your dad and can work out if he was being thoughtless or trying to be kind.

cloddy01 · 25/12/2023 22:09

I truly can't believe anyone thinks this is OK! He gave a child a present from someone else! How is that not as rude as fuck!!? What did it have to do with him? He didn't buy it, pay for it, wrap it etc, why should he give it?!

I don't know whether I'm more amazed he thought this was OK or that other people agree with him! It's totally bonkers!!

Blueberry911 · 25/12/2023 22:14

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

Are you serious? Is this a genuine post?

WhatTheFuk · 25/12/2023 22:24

That would be very upsetting. These are the moments that are special. I really couldn't care about dinner, mince pies, or any other presents.

New rule - have to come and wake Mummy before going together to see if he's been! This is what we've always done. (Also, you could seal the door with a strip of Christmas paper that has to be burst through. Santa seal!)

tothelefttotheleft · 25/12/2023 22:36

Ohownnoe · 25/12/2023 20:44

This happened to me too this morning op and I was absolutely furious! The whole enjoyment out of christmas is seeing their faces light up when they see the presents under the tree and the excitement ripping them open. Sounds extreme but I feel like a Christmas was taken away. Spent all the time picking the presents that they loved and wrapping them all 😪

How did it happen?

Whathappenstomyal · 25/12/2023 22:37

I really feel for you OP.
Sounds like your father is a selfish bastard (Mine was too)

LauderSyme · 25/12/2023 22:48

YANBU. Everyone in my family knows that we all wait for everyone else to be ready to open the presents together (apart from kids' stockings). Anyone left out of the main unwrapping would be horrified and upset. Your df was carelessly thoughtless.

Codlingmoths · 25/12/2023 22:51

My day would be full of petty comments tbh- hot drink for anyone who didn’t encourage dd to open her presents without her mum? That’d be just me then, I think I will.

LauderSyme · 25/12/2023 22:51

Just read your update. Am so sorry you're feeling so low, other people's behaviour is just pure rubbish sometimes, you deserved a happy Christmas day 🎁

sunglassesonthetable · 25/12/2023 23:07

Honestly it's common bloody sense! You open presents TOGETHER.
Any average person knows that.

So all these posters saying "it's fine", would be cracking on letting the LO open presents, bought by the person still asleep upstairs ???!

Pulll the other one.

Ktime · 25/12/2023 23:17

Your dad is a twat.

Time to reassess how much you do for him.

Ohownnoe · 26/12/2023 06:15

tothelefttotheleft · 25/12/2023 22:36

How did it happen?

Show quote history

My 4 year old wanted to sleep beside his granny and she got up early with him and opened all the presents without me😪 I was also upset all day.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 26/12/2023 09:35

@Vinrouge4 saying men are generally useless is reinforcing the low expectations that society has when it comes to men and their family responsibilities. It gives them an out!
Men are perfectly capable of stepping up to their family responsibilities- but many can't be bothered or are deliberately not doing so to wield power (in their twisted minds).
OP what was the norm when you were a child?

DappledThings · 26/12/2023 09:37

So all these posters saying "it's fine", would be cracking on letting the LO open presents, bought by the person still asleep upstairs ???!
No, I'm saying I wouldn't do that myself because I know DH would be upset but I wouldn't be that bothered if it happened to me. Especially if all the paper was cleared up as well!

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 26/12/2023 09:41

TomatoSandwiches · 25/12/2023 19:46

It absolutely doesn't need explaining, he sounds useless, I wouldn't bother having for Chritmas morning again.

He lives there. Bit harsh to throw him out overnight?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 26/12/2023 09:45

KnickerlessParsons · 25/12/2023 17:03

I think you're being a bit precious actually. You can watch her as she plays with it and opens her stocking.

Precious? Are you insane? She shopped for paid for and carefully chose Christmas presents for her 5 year old dd who is probably at THE best age to really enjoy the magic of Christmas. Then doesn't get to watch her open the gifts that were probably planned months ago.

Totally out of order

Jacfrost · 26/12/2023 09:51

I'd have been really upset. It's the best bit of Xmas, watching your children open your presents.

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/12/2023 09:53

PamelaParis · 25/12/2023 17:03

Your dad isn't a mind reader. You should have told him in advance what the plan was, rather than telling a 5 year old who was bound to be over excited.

Oh ffs! Of course the child's mother wants to be there when the child opens her Christmas presents! Everyone knows that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/12/2023 09:54

Are you happy to live with your dad? He doesn't seem very kind.

BuffyWillow · 26/12/2023 10:00

@Glenthebattleostrich we get the 'but you see her all the time' mentioned all the time by the MIL and SIL. It drives me up the wall. I'm quite quickly getting a long list of things I won't say and ways I won't treat my daughter when she's fully grown.

OP. I'd have been really upset too

Fullofxmascbeer · 26/12/2023 10:01

It is a big deal to those who say it isn’t.

Xmas is hard work and watching the kids open their presents is definitely the reward for that hard work.
I’m surprised you didn’t want to see her open her sticking tbh,op. They often enjoy some of the smaller bits more than the bigger ones.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/12/2023 10:04

He should have waited.

On the other hand...building and assembling children's Christmas presents is a massive pain in the hole, so at least he took care of that.

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2023 10:07

Why should she have got up?

That's what stockings are for. Keeping the children entertained in their rooms until a reasonable hour (or at least a reasonable hour for Christmas 😂)

My parents managed my whole childhood with getting us to wait until everyone was up and ready before tree presents. In fact - they managed the whole of our childhood keeping us upstairs and they went down first 🤷‍♀️