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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for advice on how to get through today.

90 replies

Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:19

My baby is 3 days old. She has cried all night long, I haven’t had more than an hours sleep, my children will be up any second and I’ve got Christmas Day to make magical. I am so tired I can barely see and it’s the first time I’ve had a section and it hurts so much. I was supposed to have family round this morning before going to more family for lunch and all I want is to get into bed.

OP posts:
whitebreadjamsandwich · 25/12/2023 07:21

Get through present opening. Hand baby to first person through the door. Go to bed for an hour. Now is the time to be a bit selfish!

Dynamoat · 25/12/2023 07:21

Bed, films and chocolate.

notthatthis · 25/12/2023 07:23

Why do you have to go anywhere? Let the children go out with family for Lunch. Stay at home and rest. Put the baby in the cot safely and have a nap.

AngelicInnocent · 25/12/2023 07:23

45 minute power naps through the day. Is DH on the scene? If so, once kids have done santa, he has them while they play and you get a 45 minute nap. When family arrive, say hello, give them children and have a 45 minute nap.

Depends who the family you are going to for lunch are but after lunch, leave kids with them and sneak a nap. If you can't use their bed, coat on and in car.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 25/12/2023 07:24

Can you partner help create some of the 'magic', and both partner/family with everything else? Honestly, anyone expecting you to be responsible for much more than yourself and little one 3 days after a section really needs to question themselves. Take care, take painkillers as you need and please rest - you'll take longer to heal/potentially damage wound if you don't. A section can be really painful and it's not a superficial wound by any means, plus the usual tiredness/ache/emotions after any birth!

Sodapop1 · 25/12/2023 07:25

Use family to your advantage and get them to help look after baby whilst you nap. Don’t go and visit family stay at home whilst DH takes the kids. Was it a planned section? Possibly naive to think you would be out and about 3 days after? But if your family are decent humans they will understand and help.

Awrite · 25/12/2023 07:28

You'll give your wound an infection unless you rest. Big time. As in do not move. You have just had major abdominal surgery.

Warmandbright · 25/12/2023 07:28

Totally agree with @whitebreadjamsandwich how great to have family round, even if you just lie in bed and listen to an audiobook or something you’ll feel better for a rest.

otherwise I treat extreme sleep deprivation like a hangover - you need caffeine and proper filling food and soon. Then you need a hot shower (followed by a quick cold shower if you can bear it!) and get ready for the day. Then you need to het outside in the fresh air as soon as you can because you will so much better for it. Keep repeating caffeine, food and fresh air as much as you can. Real coke works wonders if you have it.

Your family will love to feel useful by holding the baby while you rest this afternoon, and nobody will
mind you stepping out for a bit.

good luck. You’ll feel better when people start arriving, the adrenaline will get you through.

Agix · 25/12/2023 07:28

You just created life, you don't need to be the one to create magic today. Let other people do that for you! I hope no one begrudges you a rest today x

Tilllly · 25/12/2023 07:28

@Howtoguideforme
Don't you dare do anything

Tell DH / family that you need help

And take all the help you can get

Rest - that's your job today

Original poster
Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:29

Thank you. No not a planned section, I never wanted it to be like this. X

OP posts:
Whenthebirdssing · 25/12/2023 07:30

whitebreadjamsandwich · 25/12/2023 07:21

Get through present opening. Hand baby to first person through the door. Go to bed for an hour. Now is the time to be a bit selfish!

This is exactly what I was thinking. Could you text someone to let them know so they can come early? Are you on your own?

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Hope you manage to get a test.

SpongeBob2022 · 25/12/2023 07:31

I really feel for you, OP. I'm assuming you have a partner? I think it would be nice to see your children open presents but after that go back to bed for the morning. Be honest with yourself and if you're not up for a visit out just stay home with the baby. Your children will have a lovely time regardless.

EarringsandLipstick · 25/12/2023 07:32

Dynamoat · 25/12/2023 07:21

Bed, films and chocolate.

That's not all that helpful to a mother with a new baby, visitors & other children.

It might be ideal but in practical terms, it won't be possible for OP to do this

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 25/12/2023 07:32

Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:29

Thank you. No not a planned section, I never wanted it to be like this. X

Regardless of what type of section it was, recovery always takes time and lots of tlc. Be kind to yourself, set the example others need to follow.

Original poster
Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:32

My family member just texts saying

‘is DH ok he looked tired’
’is DH ok he was quiet’

So I’ve had no choice but to tell him to rest up so I don’t have to hear about poor him.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 25/12/2023 07:34

That's ridiculous. The only thing that matters right now is you resting and your baby getting lots of cuddles (and lots of breastfeeding to establish milk supply if that what you've chosen to do). That requires you being in bed! I've had a C section and it's no joke. It's actually dangerous not to rest after major surgery.

QueenCremant · 25/12/2023 07:34

Do not go for lunch. You’ve had major surgery and you need to rest. If your dp/dh had abdominal surgery 3 days ago there is no way he’d be going anywhere.
Your priority right now is to yourself and your baby. Look after yourself x

SENDhelp2023 · 25/12/2023 07:34

Do whatever is going to work for you. Your baby is practically still in the womb!!!

Pepperama · 25/12/2023 07:34

I had a section and was very sore 3 days later. If visitors are likely to be helpful ask them to entertain the kids and bring you hot drinks / organise a nice takeaway etc. If not helpful, I’d cancel

BurbageBrook · 25/12/2023 07:35

Get DH to sort everything for the kids-- and how unempathetic of your family member to send that.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 25/12/2023 07:35

Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:32

My family member just texts saying

‘is DH ok he looked tired’
’is DH ok he was quiet’

So I’ve had no choice but to tell him to rest up so I don’t have to hear about poor him.

Tell them you're both tired with a newborn, but you're also recovering from major surgery a few days ago, and their support this year would be much appreciated.

Sodapop1 · 25/12/2023 07:36

Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:32

My family member just texts saying

‘is DH ok he looked tired’
’is DH ok he was quiet’

So I’ve had no choice but to tell him to rest up so I don’t have to hear about poor him.

You do have a choice, just say ‘he’s very tired due to baby, however not as tired as I am! No sleep and my section wound is very sore’.

Honestly please don’t be a martyr, you need to be direct with what you need today.

Incogg · 25/12/2023 07:36

Howtoguideforme · 25/12/2023 07:32

My family member just texts saying

‘is DH ok he looked tired’
’is DH ok he was quiet’

So I’ve had no choice but to tell him to rest up so I don’t have to hear about poor him.

well, none of us can argue with that kind of logic. Get him back to bed and you better soldier on!

BibbleandSqwauk · 25/12/2023 07:37

Sorry op but now you're just being a martyr. So what if a relative has texted about him? How about you reply with..well yeah, we've just dealt with a traumatic birth so he's a bit tired but at least he's not coping with major abdominal surgery having just spent 9 months growing a person. Honestly, you have my utmost sympathy and also congratulations but do not make this worse out of some misplaced "have to" do anything. I had 2 sections. Keep on top of your pain meds and do not underestimate the need for rest. It's not optional. DH needs to step up. Now.