To ask for advice on how to get through today.

[Howtoguideforme]

My baby is 3 days old. She has cried all night long, I haven’t had more than an hours sleep, my children will be up any second and I’ve got Christmas Day to make magical. I am so tired I can barely see and it’s the first time I’ve had a section and it hurts so much. I was supposed to have family round this morning before going to more family for lunch and all I want is to get into bed.

Yes I’d text now and say very sorry but you’re struggling with pain and lack of sleep. Is there anyone who can come early to help? Someone actually might, and the others will be alerted that you are needing support when they do arrive. Or should.

What have I just read!!😡😡 not at you my dear.
Congratulations xxx

In my gentle voice just stop/ just stop this is utterly dangerous and ridiculous please.

Take back control for your own sanity and health.
A magical Christmas - you have a newborn baby I seem to remember another babe born and her mother has been lauded and sung about for 2000 years- you have created that magic this Christmas by giving birth lovely.

Now practical stuff- you have choices

1- go on as you are please everyone run yourself ragged and have a horrible Christmas - and potentially make yourself ill or injure yourself

2- You have a fully functioning adult in your house your DH what the hell is he doing twiddling his thumbs bumbling about. Tired tired - ignore the message from the family remember- I couldn’t but you’re a better person than me.

was this Christmas lunch/ day planned before baby came - THEN

you say politely

Dear relations

Please join us / visit us DH and the children will be so happy to see you.
I know you will understand that post birth 3 days I am resting and will be in bed.
Thank you for your understanding

Tell DH no one is to come up to your room unless he asks you first -

As for lunch-
I will not be joining you due to being post 3 day etc

OR

if it was me and I am one who has learned having had 5 babies - 4 children there are times in life when the mother of all calm and quiet resolved stands off begins -

this is one of them: Pull rank I’d be telling people over one broadcast what’s app message:

i know you will understand that this was not planned. Post 3 days I won’t be coming for lunch but DH and the children are so excited and can’t wait to see you all.

You don’t need to explain or give a reason - you have the greatest trump card here and I don’t mean that in a whimsical manner.

you will not be failing/ Christmas will still be magical- but this is self care.

and as for baby being fractious it’s so early - and you being stressed/ tired and upset won’t help both of you.

I’m so mad for you if you were my friend and had messaged me I’d be arriving ushering you off to bed and manning the door to tell relations what tasks they could do if they were insisting on coming or badgering you.

or worse I’d be messaging them telling them what was expected to give mother and baby a restful Christmas Day! A full list of food prep/ house cleaning/ child care - that would soon stop them

please please rest

Yes if she’s tired and in pain she needs to rest. There will be countless compromises like this as the family grows: it’s part of the benefit of having siblings that we realise the world doesn’t revolve entirely around us.

Stop trying to be a Supermum. Being a wife and mother shouldn't involve sacrificing your mental, physical or emotional well-being. Taking care of others begins with taking care of yourself first. Let people know you need help and accept all the help you can get. Express some milk and let DH take the baby & other children out to see other family members for the day so you can get some rest!

I had EMCS for my second baby. Seriously op, don't try and overdo it. It really is major surgery and you need to rest. If your partner had just had surgery to remove a baby sized mass from his abdomen then no-one would be expecting him to be doing anything!
You've already made magic - you've created a new life!

I had a 4 day old baby on Christmas Day a few years back. You have my sympathy.

Christmas is important but so are you. Cancel guests coming round. Pop out for lunch for an hour at most. Rest on the sofa whilst other kids need your attention and go to bed when you can.

You must take care of yourself, it doesn’t matter what other people think and if people think your DH looks tired then who cares. Tell him to step up, you’ve just had major surgery.

congtatulations on your baby!

I voted you are being unreasonable - for even thinking about entertaining people or visiting anyone at all. Three days after a c-section? Why are you doing this to yourself? There is nothing wrong with a quiet family Christmas. If people are coming to yours for what should be a short time, they should bring food. Let your DH do some work. Do the morning with the kids then rest however you can. No-one should expect anything from you, especially after surgery.

You shouldn't feel bad about just cancelling everything with everyone - even if they are disappointed or 'counting on you'. They can make other arrangements and should understand or come and help you immediately.

Gently, OP, this is daft. You DID/DO have a choice…

@telestrations has it nailed. Send them all out for lunch. Stay home and go to bed with the baby and they can feed you with a doggy bag when they get home.
get your husband up and on it. he doesn’t need rest and recovery. You do.
ive had 2 sections and D3 is still early. Limited mobility. Take your pain meds. Your milk will be slower to come in as well so if it hasn’t yet then give the baby some formula to tide them over and get a sleep, all of you. You won’t cause nipple confusion as long as you offer breast first each time. Babies can do both.

If you were one of my friends and I knew this I'd go ape shit with everyone, lass you need recovery.
If you lived near me I'd take the baby for you and make you get some rest! I had one a few months ago, emergency section and baby so I feel for you completely, I'm absolutely gutted for you, are you BF? Can anyone have baby for you to brush teeth, have a wee and get some sleep?
I think you need to remind yourself that Christmas is magical for kids wheb they're loved, safe and eating chocolate with their new stuff. You dint need to be a fairy godmother today pal, just try and bloody heal.
And if you have any family/friends who offer to help agree. Whilst we all love in theory being attached to our newborn 24/7 we do need sleep. ❤

If you’ve already let DH go back to bed for a couple hours then put a Xmas movie on and find some energy for the kids.

Then wake your DH and go to bed for a couple hours yourself.

No one is going to blame you or care if you have a nap for a couple of hours.

The kids have 2 parents and you don’t need to both be there all day with them.

The silver lining here is that you’re not hosting Xmas dinner, so have a nap before you go and then enjoy sitting there and eating.

If you need another nap when you get home then so be it, Xmas is made for relaxing.

Please look after yourself. Even without the surgery, you should be resting as much as you possibly can right now and concentrating on the baby and feeding lots to get your milk going.

My husband would be scooping up the other kids and insisting I do nothing.

"I’ve got Christmas Day to make magical"

Forget about magical. Thats just nonsense.

Of course you have a choice. Are you being a martyr, or are you in an abusive relationship?