To be fuming with my DP - yep another Christmas one 😩

[bagpuss90]

DP was meant to spend Christmas Day with me and my family and I’m going his for Boxing Day with his lot - mainly friends .He’s a very untidy person ( or plain bloody lazy ) and has been going on for weeks that he has to tidy up before Christmas. I’ve offered to help him. He’s just rung me to say he has to stay at home tomorrow to sort his place out and won’t be coming to mine .He’s had 365 days to do it ! Still expects /wants me to go to his Boxing Day . My family will have bought him gifts . I could do tit for tat and not do Boxing Day . But that seems petty and I’d genuinely like to see his friends. He gets on with my family - so I don’t think it’s an excuse . He’s just failed to get his arse in gear .

How much of a mess is his house that he has to take the whole day to tidy it and can’t do Xmas?

He is totally not into you, at ALL.

So sorry x

I too was expecting early 30’s !
58 ?
Doesn’t bode well that he’s like this at 58.
He’ll not change.

This. I’d be wondering what he’s up to on Christmas Day rather than being with you. He won’t be cleaning.

It is nasty though, he doesn’t care for you enough or respect you enough to clean his house in time for an event he is hosting, so he’s letting you down at short notice when Christmas is the same day every year. I wouldn’t give the time of day to someone who did this to me.

Look, you got a clear signal that you are not priority. Same thing happened to me one year - a last-minute invitation from a lonely uncle took precedence over my carefully prepared day. That one was binned off.

You must be very desperate. 58 and behaving like this. Aren't you embarrassed for him? Or even about yourself?

I wouldn't go. If you do your saying his behaviour is acceptable.

My thought also.

Either he’s intimidated by the thought of Christmas with your relatives, or he’s got a better offer, or if his house isthat messy it needs a day to tidy up, then that’s not a good quality.

58 !!!

He could easily have spent this evening cleaning / tidying up, even if it took him until 3am in the morning !

How big is his mansion - does he really have to tidy every room just to have some mates round on Boxing day !

Have you met these friends previously ?

He has now said he will work through half the night to sort his place out and will come to mine tomorrow after all . I refuse to help him - I know he will have procrastinated for bloody weeks over this . If he kept on top of it in the first place - well none of this would have happened

And that is what you think you deserve? I hope Santa / one of your family brings you a spine tomorrow OP, so you can walk away from this dumpster fire situation.

You wrote this at around 8:30pm and I assume he probably doesn't need to leave until 10:30am.

Can he really not sort out his flat in that time? If he had 6 hours sleep, that still leaves four hours to tidy. In that time couldn't he hide the crap in cupboards/car/under the bed, clean the bathroom and kitchen, and vacuum everywhere else?

Doesn't sound like he wants to spend the day with them. Unless he genuinely struggles with executive function and gets very anxious and overwhelmed, but is so wonderful that it's worth putting up with that, maybe it's time to rethink if he'd make good life partner.

Sorry, I wrote slowly and crossed with your update. Still frustrating but not quite so awful.

What on earth do find attractive about this loser?

I dont know what future you have though. If you moved in together youd be his skivvy.

Hes incredibly disrespectful of you and your family

I would 100% not go to his, he is bloody rude

I’m perplexed as to why, if he has been happy to live in much for the past however long, he suddenly needs to clean. I’m sure that anyone who knows him, and has ever been to his sty, knows what he is like!

At 58, I should think that he’s messing you around to be honest. And really letting you down, especially if your family will have bought him gifts.

I’m not sure that any person is worth being embarrassed about, unless they came out of your body! And at 58, they shouldn’t be embarrassing you!!

Has he always lived alone? Had he been married / got kids?

I was going to suggest that he’d better stay up late cleaning his place then!
And for you not to help him either!
He’s not showing good form if you end up living with him and growing old together. He’ll expect you to be cleaning up around him like an unpaid maid. How unattractive.

The bar is clearly very very low when it comes to men and what woman put up with. Men are perfectly able to carry out all of the necessary, mundane and lowly paid/unpaid tasks that women do.

I am so sorry OP that is shit.

Sadly I think he’s just not that into you. If he was he would have spent Christmas Day with you and your family no excuses.

Unless he is living in disgusting conditions I’m sure he could have done a quick whip round tonight or morning of Boxing Day or on Christmas Day evening - or ALL THREE of those days bit by bit. True friends and family don’t care about a bit of mess. So I think an excuse tbh

That sounds more reasonable.

Least he could do is show his face and sit for dinner.

If he's got humility and is open to the idea of discussing this and making some changes then perhaps your relationship stands a chance but you can't be with someone based on how you hope they'll be if they change IME.

For God's sake, he's 58 years old and he's still acting like a teenager. It'll be interesting to see if he turns up with presents for your family tomorrow.

Very odd behaviour.