To be fuming with my DP - yep another Christmas one 😩

[bagpuss90]

DP was meant to spend Christmas Day with me and my family and I’m going his for Boxing Day with his lot - mainly friends .He’s a very untidy person ( or plain bloody lazy ) and has been going on for weeks that he has to tidy up before Christmas. I’ve offered to help him. He’s just rung me to say he has to stay at home tomorrow to sort his place out and won’t be coming to mine .He’s had 365 days to do it ! Still expects /wants me to go to his Boxing Day . My family will have bought him gifts . I could do tit for tat and not do Boxing Day . But that seems petty and I’d genuinely like to see his friends. He gets on with my family - so I don’t think it’s an excuse . He’s just failed to get his arse in gear .

He is nasty. He literally doesn’t give a shit, that’s nasty. You’ve just normalised it.

Sounds like a really shit excuse to me.

sorry.

you can do better . Much better x

I read this as, the DP is hosting the boxing day party and therefore is tidying so he can host, rather than randomly.

BUT I also think, no excuse. I am an absolute last-minuter myself but I even I would never do this.

I've also just spent 2 days on a mahoosive spring clean and tidy, as we are hosting Xmas. So I sympathise. But I was done and ready before guests arrived.

If I was the DP I would stay up late, get up early, anything anything so as not to miss Christmas with you and your rellies OP.

Probably this.

Because no one else matters in his world except him.

Can't he today on 27th? What's another couple of days if he hasn't managed it all year?

This. Plus my first thought was the same as @AnneLovesGilbert and he’s made this up as an excuse not to visit your family.

Sorry OP, it’s time to ditch him and get a refund on whatever you’ve bought him for Christmas.

So many threads on the poor behaviour of partners tonight!

Why are you with him if he’s a filthy, untidy, lazy sad excuse for a man? I wouldn’t be going Boxing Day or any other day to be perfectly honest. Why do women settle for men like this? Jesus Christ have some self respect and lift your bar slightly higher than the floor.

Sorry if you never wanted marriage, but it's clear why he hasn't married you. Cant even be arsed to spend ONE DAY with your family. Jeeez!!!

It really saddens me that some women have such low self esteem that they will tolerate and endure behaviour like this.

Any man who bins off Christmas day cooked and hosted for them has got a better offer.

I would explain to him how disappointed you are that he’s letting you down on Christmas Day. Could he not leave early and clean in the evening? Or get up very early and clean in the morning? A whole day of cleaning seems unreasonable. Surely he can find a way to make this work? If he’s not trying to do that, then you don’t seem to be very important to him that he’d do something this upsetting and not be concerned about the effect on you.

YANBU

He sounds like someone with extremely poor planning and time management skills.

It maybe only just hit him at the last minute how messy his flat is and that he's got to urgently clean up, so I can imagine he's not necessarily a hateful person, just in a panic. There's a part of me that would have behaved like this in the past when I was in active addiction, not because I was disrespectful to anyone but because I couldn't get my shit together.

However, the reality is, do you want to be in a relationship with someone so flaky and eccentric who has to cancel plans at the last minute in such a way. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

yanbu - absolutely pathetic and actually, no, I wouldn’t go to his either. As you say, he’s seriously lazy.

If you have even one shred of self-worth and self-respect, you will dump him right now.

Also, had he suddenly realised his flat was in a terrible state, why couldn't he immediately set about cleaning and continue to do so, leaving enough time to at least spend, say, four hours with yourself and your family and then go back to it?

Is this someone you actually want to be with? Because he absolutely does not sound like a catch.

Exactly

Either 1. He is a disgusting pig who lives in squalor, which is deeply unattractive in a grown adult or 2. He is making an excuse not to be with you tomorrow, probably because he is too lazy or cheap to buy presents for people. If I were you I would be asking myself why I was with him and why I was making excuses for his poor behaviour. Even calling him a twat with poor time management is downplaying his behaviour.

This.
I would dump him for this.
Selfish idiot x

He doesn't want to spend Christmas with you.

You have to set and then stick to your own boundaries about how a partner treats you.

Personally this would be me out. The laziness and messiness itself would have been enough for me to walk but if I’d got past that then the total disregard for your feelings and lack of manners towards your family would absolutely cross my line.

I would have said that at 20. At 58? Honestly OP surely you can do better than this?

Don't go on boxing day, dump him- he sounds like a loser

No way. He is standing you up on Christmas Day, in front of your family, to tidy up for his mates coming round?? he could have cancelled his Boxing Day meet or got up early to do it beforehand.

This is is as good as he's going to get. He'll not change. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with him?

Time to block, delete and move on me thinks. This one is a bad egg!

Time to draw a line under this one op. He’s showing a complete lack of respect for you.