DH bought me same Christmas gift 3 years in a row

[Whisperingangel22]

For the last 3 years DH has gone out last minute Christmas shopping and bought me photo frames. The first year this was lovely as they had family photos in. Last year not only had he panic bought them but he bought 4 as he couldn't decide which one was nicest. This year I've just discovered a shopping bag with photo frames wrapped up in (no photos even in them)....... Would I be unreasonable to say "are these meant to be for your mum? They can't be for me because you bought me 4 last year and 3 the year before that"

I should add, I expected this to happen so I told him I'd buy something I wanted this year which Ive done. So god knows why he went out panic shopping.

Using Gifster is no less lazy.

All youve done is made life easier for a partner that doesnt give a shit.
If you know and care about your partner, you don't need an app.

This is perfect! Do this!

Man here. I don't think it's just a man thing. I know My brother, Dad and a number of friends go to great lengths to gift. My Mum literally just buys my Dad a packet of Hamlet cigars and some cadburys chocolate whilst my brothers wife definitely doesn't do gifting, with the excuse it's only for kids. She doesn't get him anything at Christmas. For birthdays she treats him to a meal. My wife is also a terrible gift buyer, not just for me but, for everyone. Without Amazon she would be lost. I never do or will say anything as I know she hates shopping in general and it stresses her out. I just gift myself when needed, I have a couple of specialized hobbies that would be hard to buy for without thorough research. I am also in charge of getting the kids presents together - the deal is that she wraps them which suits me! I usually even get the gifts from her to her Mum and her niece's/nephews

I will spend time understanding what jewellery she wants/fits, arranging suprise trips/spa/theatre(twice colluding with her best friend and paying for a spa/theatre girls break that they'd been talking about previously), clothes, personalised items, and they will usually be from something she has mentioned at some point in the year

This year she has a Barbour jacket that she almost purchased a year ago but, bolted at the price. A painting from an Artist she loves and that I spoke to whilst we were away on holiday - again she said that it couldn't be justified price wise at that point in time.

The difference is that I love doing this.. I love the research to get it right and more selfishly the feeling of gifting. I know 100% she'll be in tears over the painting.

I think people are just different when it comes to shopping and gifting. I don't think gender is the main factor here. Even my proper 'laddy' friends spoil their better other rotten at Christmas!

That'd really annoy me

DH is a bit hit and miss. Invariably some smellies, usually nice, occasionally not

A book or two - sometimes I've already got it cos he doesn't check

Assorted chocolate which I never want and don't eat but because I once said I always got maltesers and chic orange in my stocking...

Then a surprise... ghd straighteners were brilliant
The green coat was brilliant
The radley purse in the perfect colour was brilliant
They were texted to him by friends... he quietly and smugly took the praise

Other years, the surprise has been underwhelming
But at least he makes an effort which is what counts

With you, your brother and your dad, out of curiosity, how much of Christmas beyond buying for your partners do you all do? Children, friends, wider family, meal planning and prep, decorating, cards, days out planning, cleaning.

i just know far more men than women whose only contribution to Christmas is to buy their partner a gift, whereas i know far more women than men who do everything.

looking at the bigger picture, where do you, your brother and dad lie?

I would agree 100% with this.

My pleasure at Christmas is in giving gifts to my family and friends. I don't really need anything and would rather other people save their money, but I am super grateful for anything I do receive.

That said, I am not sure this is in any way relevant to OP's message. Make an effort, fella!

OP, it's time to get serious about this. If it bothers you and makes you feel unappreciated, it needs to be voiced as such. Not passive-aggressively, no game playing by buying him crap. Just straight up - why do you think that this is an appropriate amount of effort for someone you claim to love?

Show him this article he might take the hint.🤣🤣🤣

newsthump.com/2011/12/23/sales-of-any-old-shit-expected-to-treble-as-men-start-christmas-shopping/

I kno w what you mean. My Dad mainly just buys for my Mum but will do the food shop but, Mum plans.. My brothers wife is vegan so my brother does everything food wise. And I know he spoils his child but, only ever gits mine gift cards.

For me, my wife has an issue with shopping false stop so I do nearly all of it and help with the majority of hers. Regarding cooking, one of my hobbies is cooking and therefore, I do all the prep, and cooking on the big day and leading up to it. However, she is better at keeping the guests entertained throughout the day.

This holiday I have planned panto, Windsor castle visit and walk, friends early Christmas, a few winter dog walks with different friends/families and a trip away to Cornwall over the new year without the kids for me and the wife. My brother is similar to me. My Dad is more 'old' fashioned but, they have been this way since married. My Mum does all the Cooking and clothes washing but, my Dad will do the cleaning.

It's not linked to the OP really. Was just trying to say that not all men look the easy option when gifting. My experience is to the contrary.

Yes I agree @Superduper02 i suspect it's a reflection of how our relationship is at the moment. I have noticed over the last couple of years DH seems to be apathetic to everything including me. And I think well if you can't be bothered, then why should I.

I would add that he hasn't always been like this, and he has made an extraordinary effort on some occasions to do wonderful surprises for me - throwing a party, surprise holiday. But that was years ago, and pre kids. And I think that this has just highlighted that things/feelings have changed. I am not one for grand presents but I am always thinking of others and try to buy things I know they will like.

My dad is the worst at present buying. Mum once received a parcel wrapped in brown paper, sealed with duct tape. It was a soft squishy parcel and quite big, so she imagines a scarf or jumper. It was a pair of size 10 men's woolly socks (she is 5 door nothing and has size 5 feet).
After that I did his shopping for him!

reported Kals001 · Today 00:54

"Was just trying to say that not all men look the easy option when gifting. My experience is to the contrary." @J007

Well, unfortunately, the rest of us aren't married to Mr. James Bond, with our very own Q on hand to make us amazing gifts. We just get thoughtless shit from Dr. Julius No.

If there are indeed photo frames op then I suggest you get yourself a load of ridiculous selfies printed to go on them. Clearly he wants you to adorn his side of the bed with photos of you in the snazzy new frames. Pull some bloody hilarious cats bum faces too. For maximum impact.
😉

This is a great idea, get him some HIV Juice!

I wouldn’t give him the presents. Let him squirm.

Is there a chance he's making a joke with the frames and has got you something you actually wanted too? It sounds like you might have already given him a clue you weren't keen, maybe he thought it would make you laugh?

I am truly sorry for chuckling.

Yes, I think you'd be quite justified in asking him that. I'd do it really early in the morning so he has time to rush out and get you something decent. In future I'd make a wish list.

Yeah, but one year there was soap on my list and I got it from 3 people. I think I only got a couple of presents which weren't soap!

My exh used to be really poor at choosing gifts. It wasn't that he was mean, he just used to spend a lot of money on random stuff I wouldn't like. Luckily when my DD reached about 12 she said she'd go shopping with her Dad and my gifts improved instantly. I started getting nice earrings and cashmere sweaters. Luckily my current DH of 18 years has exquisite taste in gifts for me and is very generous too.

My husband also buys his own as he knows exactly what he wants and we would rather not waste money….he gets something small from the children and does the same for me, so some thought is still given but for anything over £10 we absolutely talk about what we are getting as I’d hate to buy him something he doesn’t want and vice versa! I’d be annoyed by random photo frames tbh.

DH is useless, I choose my own presents and he pays for it. Birthday was an upholstery nailgun/stapler. Christmas is the latest Kindle paperwhite. Not very romantic but I'd rather have something I really want than some tat I don't need cluttering up the house.

Ask him! But if he said he was picking up the phone last week surely he has got you the phone? Maybe he’s got photo frames too or maybe they actually are for MIL.

If he’s got you them definitely ask for them to be returned or regift them to him. He can’t just keep buying you photo frames year after year, it’s extremely thoughtless and you will run out of places to put them.