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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Receiving clearly used gift from friend

103 replies

Leafygreentea · 23/12/2023 21:01

Don't know if IBU but I'm pretty miffed at having received this.

A friend visited the other day for a playdate with our children. When they arrived, she handed me a couple of gifts for them. Cue panic from me as we'd never discussed gift giving (we've known each other a few years but this year have seen each other considerably more because our children have become good friends) so this wasn't something we've done previously.

I have a cupboard with a few decent presents in for when parties or whatever crop up, so I don't always have to run around - it's just less stressful having it as a go-to (for times exactly like this!) and so discreetly chose a present for each of her children, wrapped them and gave them to her when she left.

She later text thanking me and said her children loved the presents.

I figured it was probably best to let mine open theirs so that I could sent a reciprocal message back.

It was an item of clothing each, one too small and one 1 year too big. Both clearly used (bobbly and pulled) and smelling of her washing powder. They're obviously her children's old clothes.

She'd said when she handed them over that she had gift receipts for them.... What would you do?

Money not an issue with her - she spends a lot of money on regular treats for herself and family.

OP posts:
BadgeronaMoped · 23/12/2023 21:03

I'd not say anything, I'd just not reciprocate next time. Especially as you'd not planned on giving presents this year.

TeaKitten · 23/12/2023 21:04

What do you mean by what would you do? Are you thinking of trying to embarrass her by asking for the gift receipts? Odd that she gave presents when you don’t normally but I can’t see a need to try and ruin the friendship here. Just say thanks and move on.

Original poster
Leafygreentea · 23/12/2023 21:05

But if she's embarrassed, that'll be because she a) gave a used gift and b) then lied about it.

I sort of feel like the added and uneccessary lie added insult to injury.

OP posts:
Rocksonabeach · 23/12/2023 21:07

Ask for the gift receipts to change the sizes? But only if she offered.

my so called best friend gave me a sparkly jumper for Christmas Day a few years ago and insisted I try it on it was a 14 and I’m was then an 8 - it stunk of vile perfume and I asked her to return it as it was bobbly etc but she then told me it was a good deal at a car boot. Not an issue money wise but gutting when shed asked for 20 pounds of makeup !!

we aren’t friends anymore but that’s not the reason …

ZekeZeke · 23/12/2023 21:10

Ask for the receipt

Greenpolkadot · 23/12/2023 21:12

Ask for the gift receipts as they are the wrong size.
If she doesn't produce them then return the favour next time

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 23/12/2023 21:12

That's great if you have the receipt friend as the sizes aren't quite right...

ChocolateTVandbaby · 23/12/2023 21:14

I think it's ok to ask for the gift receipts if she offered however I wouldn't think it an issue to receive clothing that is a year too big as child can grow into it. You can point out one is too small if she said she has a gift receipt.

PS is it a faux pas to give a gift without warning if you haven't before?

gamerchick · 23/12/2023 21:15

Please ask her for the receipts saying they don't fit and you want to exchange them.

She'll say oh no I'll collect them and do it for you and that will be that.

You won't get anything else but she won't pull that stunt again.

PixieLaLar · 23/12/2023 21:16

I would message her saying unfortunately they don’t fit and can she send over the gift receipt….but I am a bitch so 🤣

ChocolateTVandbaby · 23/12/2023 21:17

@PixieLaLar 😂

sunights · 23/12/2023 21:17

My guess is that if you ask for the receipts that she'll say she's lost them!
But what an odd thing to do...
Do you value the friendship with her, and have there been any other ''off' behaviours so far?

GreatGateauxsby · 23/12/2023 21:17

I would 100% message and say they are lovely but is one too big one too small… can I have the gift receipt to exchange….

Original poster
Leafygreentea · 23/12/2023 21:18

ChocolateTVandbaby · 23/12/2023 21:14

I think it's ok to ask for the gift receipts if she offered however I wouldn't think it an issue to receive clothing that is a year too big as child can grow into it. You can point out one is too small if she said she has a gift receipt.

PS is it a faux pas to give a gift without warning if you haven't before?

I think I just found it quite awkward because I wouldn't have liked to have received without being able to return a gift. A heads up would have been nice so that I could have been a bit more prepared. Luckily I have the 'random gift cuoboard' so it was OK, but I'd have felt a bit crappy taking from her and having nothing to give to them.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 23/12/2023 21:21

This is SUCH a strange thing to do. Why has she felt the need to do this? So odd.
It would make sense if you had planned to exchange gifts but to wrap and gift used clothing out of the blue is really weird.

Notsurehwhattdo · 23/12/2023 21:24

This is real?!

Luxell934 · 23/12/2023 21:24

So were the tags on these items, as surely you wouldn’t be able to exchange them without tags? Personally I’d just say thank you and leave it at that. All seems very strange.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/12/2023 21:25

I would want to ask for the gift receipt, but it's so obvious that they're not new! But then she mentioned it so perhaps call her bluff? By the way did she know about your gift cupboard?

Bluela18 · 23/12/2023 21:28

Christmas as we all know can be an expensive time of year , maybe she buys gifts from charity shops? I would just say thank you as obviously she was trying to be kind. Next year just get some sweets or something?

PurpleOrchid42 · 23/12/2023 21:28

That is so, so weird!! Why did she do this?? Absolutely bizarre.

CantFindTheBeat · 23/12/2023 21:30

This is odd, if she wrapped up old clothes yet said she had receipts. Seems very strange and not the usual behaviour of someone stable, but you know your friend.

Is she nice? Is she kind? Is she generous in other ways?

What do YOU think, Op?

TeaKitten · 23/12/2023 21:34

Is it actually worth ruining your friendship over a regifted item though? Again she was strange but I’m struggling to see your reasoning for being so annoyed about it.

squashi · 23/12/2023 21:34

I'd just thank her, but next year say that you'd rather not give presents.

Original poster
Leafygreentea · 23/12/2023 21:50

I thought it was bizarre too!

She has no idea about the gift cupboard.

I'm just miffed because the presents I gave were actually really lovely and if I'd known she was planning on gifting anything, I'd have asked her to please not do gifts this year (as I have with other friends).

It was the surprise of it, the used gifts (no tags on so even if by some magic she did provide a gift receipt, I don't think the shops would let me exchange). And then the uneccessary lie - totally not needed and I think it's the dishonesty that has bugged me the most.

OP posts:
JollyHollyxmas · 23/12/2023 21:57

@Leafygreentea sounds a bit like my sister in law who I live in a different country from now, thank goodness. Would always give me gifts from a charity shop that were obviously dirty/ stank of febreze. Money wasn't an issue for her either. Not sure why people do it tbh! Also why would kids like clothes?! If that is what your friend gifted them. Again, an odd choice. Don't know why and I wouldn't bother bringing it up but also wouldn't bother gifting again.

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