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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist he stays off work tomorrow?

85 replies

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:16

A diarrhoea and vomiting bug has made its way round the (3) DC with only toddler DS not infected (yet) and the sodding thing got me today.

I feel really ill. I'm already on antibiotics for an infected abcess so with this on top I can barely function.

DH works nights so he spent a large portion of today in bed and I've really struggled. I'm feeling worse as the night goes on and getting so stressed out trying to keep an eye on my youngest whilst tending to the older poorly ones, and needing to rush to the toilet constantly myself.

I'm dreading needing to get out of bed tomorrow morning and dealing with it all over again.

To top it off, there are so many presents left to wrap and things to sort for Christmas which he was supposed to be doing today.. he hasn't. I'm in no fit state to be doing anything atm so it looks like Christmas will be shit for the kids. Nobody else to help, at all.

I feel annoyed at him for going off to work and leaving all of this to me in this state.

WIBU to insist he stays off tomorrow night so atleast he can pull his weight once he gets up tomorrow afternoon?

OP posts:

Singleandproud · 22/12/2023 22:19

Why not postpone Christmas until you are all well again, a note from father Christmas with one gift each for the children saying he understands everyone has been poorly and he will bring the presents on the 27th so that everyone can enjoy the holiday.

IWishThatICouldBeWorryFree · 22/12/2023 22:19

I can’t imagine his employer will take too kindly to him not going to work so he can wrap a few presents tbh.
Will he have to take it as a last minute holiday or unpaid leave?
What if they decline his leave request?

autienotnaughty · 22/12/2023 22:21

Yes it's reasonable for him to take a parental leave day due to needing to support with kids. It might be unpaid though.

BornIn78 · 22/12/2023 22:23

Surely he can get up and wrap some presents tomorrow afternoon, and still go to work, just like most people manage to do?

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:26

It's not about the presents, that's just something that I'm venting about. He said he'd do it and hasn't, so it's just another thing that gets left to me despite being ill.

I feel far too shit to be looking after 3 DC on my own, two are autistic and much harder work than my middle one. I can't even go to the toilet without something kicking off. I just need to rest 😵‍💫

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 22/12/2023 22:27

Why didn't he do the Christmas prep? Because he was helping with sick children or because he was in bed? He can fit that in alongside work. However I think YANBU to ask him to look after sick children when you are sick too. The problem might be so close to Christmas they may struggle to get cover and not believe him.

aubergineman · 22/12/2023 22:27

I think you've framed it badly in your OP, but no I don't think you're unreasonable to ask your partner to take leave (sick or parental) if you're too poorly to look after the kids.

The wrapping presents is a red herring.

FriedasCarLoad · 22/12/2023 22:28

When D&V went around my young family, I looked after them all while ill myself, thinking I was being kind to my (also ill) husband.

I ended up on a drip in hospital and he was left with 100% of the childcare, so I'm not sure that sacrificing myself was terribly helpful to him!

Everyone needs to get some rest when they're ill, if at all humanly possible. Not sure it's right to miss work to wrap gifts (maybe a friend could do your wrapping?), but it's definitely right to miss work to care for unwell children when their other parent is also very unwell.

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:28

BornIn78 · 22/12/2023 22:23

Surely he can get up and wrap some presents tomorrow afternoon, and still go to work, just like most people manage to do?

In theory yes, but that's what he was supposed to do today and didn't.

I asked why he wasn't doing it and he said he was "resting"

I haven't had 10 minutes peace all day until 10pm when my eldest finally crashed out after the second meltdown of the day.

OP posts:

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:29

aubergineman · 22/12/2023 22:27

I think you've framed it badly in your OP, but no I don't think you're unreasonable to ask your partner to take leave (sick or parental) if you're too poorly to look after the kids.

The wrapping presents is a red herring.

I'm going to change that as I can see its going to derail the thread 🙈

OP posts:

Cupcakekiller · 22/12/2023 22:33

Depends on his employer- will he get paid if he takes time off? Are they supportive? Do you need the money.

But none of that excuses that he should be pulling his weight more generally.

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:33

BendingSpoons · 22/12/2023 22:27

No reason for him not doing the Christmas prep, "resting" was the excuse he gave.

He did bugger all for the DC when he got up. He got up at 5 and he spent most of the 4 hours before work sitting on the sofa watching YouTube videos.

I ordered food so I didn't have to worry about cooking for everyone, I just asked DH if he could please help by bathing the toddler. He said yes but didn't actually get up to do it and looked confused when I finally got pissed off and went to do it myself an hour later at 8pm (he had to be at work at 9)

OP posts:

Starlightstarbright2 · 22/12/2023 22:35

I don’t think it’s an easy question to answer . Is it reasonable you need support - of course - taking time off this close to Christmas can have consequences in some businesses.

has he took much sick time or parental leave .

I feel for you though . Wishing you and your children a speedy recovery

BornIn78 · 22/12/2023 22:37

From your latest post, it sounds like all he’ll do with a night off work is spend it watching You Tube and lazing around and will be unlikely to help, knowing you do it yourself eventually, like you did tonight with bathing your DC.

Is he always such a fucking useless waste of space?

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:39

I did suggest postponing Christmas but he doesn't want to. He has Xmas eve and Xmas night off luckily (he wasn't rotered to work those nights) and says postponing it to later in the week won't work.

I feel sorry for the DC. Sick at Christmas with a sick parent to boot 😔

OP posts:

randomuser2019 · 22/12/2023 22:41

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Singleandproud · 22/12/2023 22:42

Perhaps keep the unwrapped presents for new year if they aren't the main presents

ofestivetree · 22/12/2023 22:46

Unfortunately this time of year despite being very common to be unwell most employers assume skiving so I can see why he's reluctant. But he should be pulling his fuckinf weight when he is around d. Just cancel xmas

Evanna13 · 22/12/2023 22:46

Do presents need to be wrapped? Father Christmas does not wrap presents he delivers to my house. I think he's trying to save us having to recycle all that wrapping paper.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow OP. It sounds really tough. It would be great if your hubby could take the time off to help/ let you rest and recover. If not would the kids watch a Christmas movie or two so you can rest?

TeenLifeMum · 22/12/2023 22:50

Doesn’t sound like he’ll be much help if today is anything to go by. Still two full days before Christmas so hopefully you’ll be feeling better by then.
threads like this make me realise how different my life is. Dh absolutely pulls his weight with the dc, sometimes more than me as I’m working full time and studying for a masters (he supported me fully and agreed to take more than his share of mental load when I’m on deadlines). There was no question for him that he wouldn’t do this.

Original poster

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:03

He can be either great or absolutely useless. Sometimes he needs a kick up the arse. He's on the autistic spectrum (which is definitely not an excuse but explains why I need to be very direct with him, IE " I need you to bath DS right now "

OP posts:

BananaSplitsss · 22/12/2023 23:03

IWishThatICouldBeWorryFree · 22/12/2023 22:19

Surely he is better off staying off after being unwell today than going in, passing on the bug and ruining goodness knows how many people’s Christmas.
If he was in bed unwell today then he will still be contagious tomorrow.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 22/12/2023 23:03

It makes me sad to know there's people like OP and their "d"h out there.

Yanbu to think he should be helping. But, this sounds like who he is, and that's a knob.

Sorry you feel rotten. Take some immodium, drink orange lucozade and eat ginger biscuits. Go to bed the second the last child does and sod it all til xmas eve when you'll hopefully be feeling better.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 22/12/2023 23:04

BananaSplitsss · 22/12/2023 23:03

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He's not ill!!

2jacqi · 22/12/2023 23:06

@Arseflu sorry but are you dying??? he has to go to work, diarrhoea and vomitting are not serious.

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