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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist he stays off work tomorrow?

85 replies

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:16

A diarrhoea and vomiting bug has made its way round the (3) DC with only toddler DS not infected (yet) and the sodding thing got me today.

I feel really ill. I'm already on antibiotics for an infected abcess so with this on top I can barely function.

DH works nights so he spent a large portion of today in bed and I've really struggled. I'm feeling worse as the night goes on and getting so stressed out trying to keep an eye on my youngest whilst tending to the older poorly ones, and needing to rush to the toilet constantly myself.

I'm dreading needing to get out of bed tomorrow morning and dealing with it all over again.

To top it off, there are so many presents left to wrap and things to sort for Christmas which he was supposed to be doing today.. he hasn't. I'm in no fit state to be doing anything atm so it looks like Christmas will be shit for the kids. Nobody else to help, at all.

I feel annoyed at him for going off to work and leaving all of this to me in this state.

WIBU to insist he stays off tomorrow night so atleast he can pull his weight once he gets up tomorrow afternoon?

OP posts:
MummyJ36 · 23/12/2023 07:58

OP you are not being unreasonable at all. I would absolutely be asking / telling my DH to take the day off in your situ.

I had noro for the first time a month ago. Little baby DC had it too and it FLOORED me like nothing I’ve ever known. DH was also a little bit sick but it moved through his system quickly and thankfully older DC avoided it. But I was in no fit state to parent. It was horrendous. My DH stepped up despite being on the dodgy side himself. I would have totally asked him to stay off work if he’d been due in! This idea that women should somehow push through genuine illness is insane. If the roles were reversed I doubt anyone would be saying a man should struggle through noro and childcare because his wife was working.

Twiglets1 · 23/12/2023 08:25

Yeah I don't think you're being unreasonable either.

You and your husband are supposed to be a team and when the children are sick and one parent can't cope on their own because they are sick too, the other one has to take time off if they possibly can. They are his responsibility too, not just yours.

Pelham678 · 23/12/2023 08:48

Roselilly36 · 23/12/2023 05:58

Hope you feel better soon, I know how hard it is looking after little ones whilst you are ill, I had two under two. No way could my DH have taken time off work, my late MIL would have come over and helped me, she was an absolute angel. DH was self employed, we couldn’t have afforded him to take a day off, with the mortgage, bills etc.

Well that's not remotely helpful. The OP doesn't have a MiL who would/could help, her DH is not self employed, so that doesn't apply and did your DC have SEN?

Anyway, OP there is a race for the bottom among some martyrs people on MN, ignore them all. Viviennemary is a serial case who never empathises with anyone. Give your DH the riot act. Make him take the day off and deal with the children and get some of the prep done. Rest as much as you can and try as much as you can to enjoy your Christmas.

I have every sympathy with you. Dealing with DC when you're ill is a nightmare, even without Christmas in the mix.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 23/12/2023 08:55

My DH would have called into work off his own back in the scenario the minute I went down with the bug.

If he wanted to he would.

Twiglets1 · 23/12/2023 09:34

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 23/12/2023 08:55

My DH would have called into work off his own back in the scenario the minute I went down with the bug.

If he wanted to he would.

My husband would have as well, mind you he does get paid for sick leave & for emergency family leave.

As long as this is the case for OPs partner they should definitely stay home to help in my opinion.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 23/12/2023 09:42

Twiglets1 · 23/12/2023 09:34

My husband would have as well, mind you he does get paid for sick leave & for emergency family leave.

As long as this is the case for OPs partner they should definitely stay home to help in my opinion.

Show quote history

My DH does not get paid for emergency family leave. He would have to make up the hours.

He would still do it. He has done it.

They will do it if they want to. Don't settle for less.

Frequency · 23/12/2023 09:52

YABVU.

People who work shifts over Christmas are generally people who cannot be absent without someone covering for them. Why should another family have to suffer because your DH is useless?

NB: I might be feeling slightly bitter as one of my co-workers called out sick all week. I had to cover and as such have got nothing done in the house (eg usual daily cleaning as well as the extra Christmas prep) and have now canceled Christmas because it would just not be feasible in this mess.

Cornflakes44 · 23/12/2023 10:20

FriedasCarLoad · 22/12/2023 22:28

When D&V went around my young family, I looked after them all while ill myself, thinking I was being kind to my (also ill) husband.

I ended up on a drip in hospital and he was left with 100% of the childcare, so I'm not sure that sacrificing myself was terribly helpful to him!

Everyone needs to get some rest when they're ill, if at all humanly possible. Not sure it's right to miss work to wrap gifts (maybe a friend could do your wrapping?), but it's definitely right to miss work to care for unwell children when their other parent is also very unwell.

Why did you feel like your husband deserved to rest and recover but you didn't?

Codlingmoths · 23/12/2023 12:46

Roselilly36 · 23/12/2023 05:58

Hope you feel better soon, I know how hard it is looking after little ones whilst you are ill, I had two under two. No way could my DH have taken time off work, my late MIL would have come over and helped me, she was an absolute angel. DH was self employed, we couldn’t have afforded him to take a day off, with the mortgage, bills etc.

I think you’re saying everyone needs help looking after young children when ill, so if you dotn have a mil like I did, your dh will have to step up.

rwalker · 23/12/2023 12:55

Ether ringing in sick or asking for time of this close to Christmas would look very suspicious and be seen as a piss take by many employers

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