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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist he stays off work tomorrow?

85 replies

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:16

A diarrhoea and vomiting bug has made its way round the (3) DC with only toddler DS not infected (yet) and the sodding thing got me today.

I feel really ill. I'm already on antibiotics for an infected abcess so with this on top I can barely function.

DH works nights so he spent a large portion of today in bed and I've really struggled. I'm feeling worse as the night goes on and getting so stressed out trying to keep an eye on my youngest whilst tending to the older poorly ones, and needing to rush to the toilet constantly myself.

I'm dreading needing to get out of bed tomorrow morning and dealing with it all over again.

To top it off, there are so many presents left to wrap and things to sort for Christmas which he was supposed to be doing today.. he hasn't. I'm in no fit state to be doing anything atm so it looks like Christmas will be shit for the kids. Nobody else to help, at all.

I feel annoyed at him for going off to work and leaving all of this to me in this state.

WIBU to insist he stays off tomorrow night so atleast he can pull his weight once he gets up tomorrow afternoon?

OP posts:
Original poster
Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:06

That sounds like a good plan canonly

Also, I can confirm he is not ill at the minute. I'll be surprised if he manages to avoid it given how it has spread through the house since Tuesday but he's got a great immune system and gets off lightly with most things.

OP posts:
PieSkyFly · 22/12/2023 23:08

I was also the mum that ended up on a drip last year on 23rd and 24th. If you don't rest and either take care of yourself or have someone take care of you, then you'll just get worse.

Sadly op it sounds like even if he is off work he won't pull his weight. 🤬 So rest for the next 24 hours as much as you possibly can.

Sick bowl or bucket by the sofa so you're not getting up to puke. Cbeebies on for the kids. Crisps and fruit and other grab and eat foods for those that are back on normal food. Lots of sips of fluids for you, keep your fluids up.

Have stern words with him. And maybe rethink if this is what you want long term yeah? Because I'm mad for you just reading it and I'm not living it.

Original poster
Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:12

2jacqi · 22/12/2023 23:06

@Arseflu sorry but are you dying??? he has to go to work, diarrhoea and vomitting are not serious.

Ha. Come to my house and mind my autistic children next time you have noro virus and you'll soon wish you were dying 🤣

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 22/12/2023 23:14

Well if he was home today and did sod all, why would tomorrow be any different?

randomuser2019 · 22/12/2023 23:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

BlueDayBritishIdiot · 22/12/2023 23:16

You all need to rest or you, and potentially more, will end up in hospital for Christmas.

Mariposistaa · 22/12/2023 23:20

Would your boss allow you time off to cover your husband at home? Mine wouldn’t

Original poster
Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:21

Mariposistaa · 22/12/2023 23:20

Would your boss allow you time off to cover your husband at home? Mine wouldn’t

Really? Even if your husband was too ill to look after your disabled DC? Bloody hell I wouldn't want to work for him/her.

OP posts:
Mumof2teens79 · 22/12/2023 23:22

autienotnaughty · 22/12/2023 22:21

Yes it's reasonable for him to take a parental leave day due to needing to support with kids. It might be unpaid though.

You can't take 1 day of parental leave
Parental leave is unpaid but must be taken in full weeks, and notice must be given.

Obviously a lot of companies allow for leave for family emergencies but it's not "parental leave"

WillowCraft · 22/12/2023 23:23

It's only the 22nd. Chances are you'll all be fine by the 25th. There's also another 2 evenings to do the wrapping. I suggest telling your husband he either starts doing his share or you will be kicking him out after Christmas. Give him a list of things e.g. mind children for 2 hours while you rest, wrap presents and cook dinner. It's up to him whether he takes time off or does something useful in between shifts. Don't put up with this disrespectful lazy behaviour any longer.

WillowCraft · 22/12/2023 23:25

Mariposistaa · 22/12/2023 23:20

Would your boss allow you time off to cover your husband at home? Mine wouldn’t

Your boss doesn't get much choice, you just tell them you are taking a day off to look after your children as an emergency because there is no one else available. Up to them if they pay you but you are allowed one day for emergency childcare.

Ghentsummer · 22/12/2023 23:27

FriedasCarLoad · 22/12/2023 22:28

When D&V went around my young family, I looked after them all while ill myself, thinking I was being kind to my (also ill) husband.

I ended up on a drip in hospital and he was left with 100% of the childcare, so I'm not sure that sacrificing myself was terribly helpful to him!

Everyone needs to get some rest when they're ill, if at all humanly possible. Not sure it's right to miss work to wrap gifts (maybe a friend could do your wrapping?), but it's definitely right to miss work to care for unwell children when their other parent is also very unwell.

It's a pretty selfish idea to suggest a friend should give up their time right before Christmas to wrap presents because the OP's husband is too lazy/selfish and risk catching the d&v bug the rest of the family have.

Original poster
Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:35

I shouldn't laugh but I haven't half just had a giggle to myself imagining myself saying to DH that if he doesn't get the presents wrapped or mind the children I'm kicking him out after Christmas. The look of sheer disbelief and confusion would crack me up.

It's very mumsnet isn't it, but you're not wrong. He really does need to pull his finger out. I'll be no use to him or anyone if I do end up in hospital on a drip.

He will be read the riot act in the morning. I refuse to have another day like today.

OP posts:
Grimchmas · 22/12/2023 23:38

Mariposistaa · 22/12/2023 23:20

Would your boss allow you time off to cover your husband at home? Mine wouldn’t

It's not to cover your spouse though. It's because you have sick children and nobody else to cover childcare.

PolkaDotStripe · 22/12/2023 23:38

Some of the replies on here are mad OP. Of course YANBU. You are unable to look after your children because you are poorly so he should be. I don’t get why anyone would dispute this? D&V bugs are not a rarity, I doubt his employer have never had anyone have to take time to look after their ill children due to one before.

I have no advice just that I feel for you. Sickness bugs are horrid. Hope you feel better soon. Look after yourself.

catcurl · 22/12/2023 23:39

OP I totally get you, this sounds dire.

I would absolutely insist my husband take parental leave in this situation (to be honest, he would expect and want to anyway), you have said yourself you aren't well enough to be looking after the children.

I would forget the present wrapping, don't stress the small stuff and all that- and say that Santa has new environmental credentials this year!

Don't take immodium, drink plenty to keep yourself hydrated though, eat little and often what you can manage- and hopefully it will have all passed by Christmas. Immodium doesn't let the infection pass- only really useful if you desperately need to get a plane home with travellers diarrhoea or something.

Hope you get a good rest tomorrow and feel better soon.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2023 23:45

BornIn78 · 22/12/2023 22:23

Surely he can get up and wrap some presents tomorrow afternoon, and still go to work, just like most people manage to do?

That's fine, but who's going to look after his sick kids? Not just whilst he's at work when hopefully they'll largely be asleep although may need a bed change with the tummy bug, but also in the morning when he'd otherwise be asleep?

randomusername2020 · 22/12/2023 23:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Mumof2teens79 · 22/12/2023 23:49

Grimchmas · 22/12/2023 23:38

It's not to cover your spouse though. It's because you have sick children and nobody else to cover childcare.

Show quote history

Everyone is entitled to emergency leave for any dependent including a spouse. But it's not automatically a full day. It's meant to be what appropriate and necessary to deal with the emergency.
Looking after kids because SAHM is ill would count....but not necessarily doing other things wife would do such as shopping, or wrapping.

Original poster
Arseflu · 22/12/2023 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Why didn't I think of this, thank you! I'm buying some now just incase we don't get them wrapped in time, knowing my luck DH will be ill by the morning.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 23/12/2023 00:02

@2jacqi early November I had d&v - sat on the loo with uncontrollable diarrhoea, bowl in hands vomiting every 30 minutes. I was crawling on my hands and knees between bed and en-suite. There’s no way I could have safely cared for small dc. Sometimes you can suck it up but sometimes it’s not possible. I spent 48 hours like that. Thankfully dh was home and dc old enough to be largely self sufficient. Your comment is rather lacking in empathy.

Fullofxmascbeer · 23/12/2023 00:03

Take to your bed tomorrow. He’ll have to stay up for most of the day and care for the kids. He’ll then have to stay off work tomorrow night to sleep. No choice if you refuse to get out of bed as you are too ill.

Original poster
Arseflu · 23/12/2023 00:12

Fullofxmascbeer · 23/12/2023 00:03

Take to your bed tomorrow. He’ll have to stay up for most of the day and care for the kids. He’ll then have to stay off work tomorrow night to sleep. No choice if you refuse to get out of bed as you are too ill.

I wish I could. He would just fall asleep wherever he sat down and wouldn't be able to watch them. He goes out like a light and is so, so hard to wake up. There's a running joke that he should be checked for narcolepsy. God help him if there is ever a house fire and we aren't here. It's that bad.

(I think he might have sleep apnea as he snores something awful, so that might explain it)

OP posts:
Redredwine22 · 23/12/2023 00:20

YADNBU to ask and expect your husband to take him off to look after your children due to you being unwell. This was us last week, me and DS (3) had a horrendous, up all night sickness bug. DH actually instigated taking the day off himself so that me and DS could stay in bedroom, rest and quarantine all day. Whilst he looked after very busy and active DD (18 months) not only did this ensure I didn’t have to spend the day chasing after her, vomiting myself and cleaning up DS every 30 mins. It also meant that DH and DD didn’t catch the bug as they kept out the way of us for about 36 hours. If he had gone to work, DD would have more than likely caught the bug and then he would have caught it leading to a longer time off work anyway.

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2023 00:20

Arseflu · 22/12/2023 22:39

I did suggest postponing Christmas but he doesn't want to. He has Xmas eve and Xmas night off luckily (he wasn't rotered to work those nights) and says postponing it to later in the week won't work.

I feel sorry for the DC. Sick at Christmas with a sick parent to boot 😔

So ignore him

Unless he plans to finish off Christmas prep and cook and serve Christmas dinner

Do you want to keep this prince amongst men?
I think he needs throwing back

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