To insist he stays off work tomorrow?

[Arseflu]

A diarrhoea and vomiting bug has made its way round the (3) DC with only toddler DS not infected (yet) and the sodding thing got me today.

I feel really ill. I'm already on antibiotics for an infected abcess so with this on top I can barely function.

DH works nights so he spent a large portion of today in bed and I've really struggled. I'm feeling worse as the night goes on and getting so stressed out trying to keep an eye on my youngest whilst tending to the older poorly ones, and needing to rush to the toilet constantly myself.

I'm dreading needing to get out of bed tomorrow morning and dealing with it all over again.

To top it off, there are so many presents left to wrap and things to sort for Christmas which he was supposed to be doing today.. he hasn't. I'm in no fit state to be doing anything atm so it looks like Christmas will be shit for the kids. Nobody else to help, at all.

I feel annoyed at him for going off to work and leaving all of this to me in this state.

WIBU to insist he stays off tomorrow night so atleast he can pull his weight once he gets up tomorrow afternoon?

PS I hope you all feel better in time for Christmas and don’t put too much pressure on yourself given what’s going on for you right now.

No he needs to go to work.

I appreciate this is not the point of the thread but if you've got a disabled child, as OP has, then you can take parental leave a day at a time if they are in receipt of either DLA or PIP. But for non-disabled children you're right, it has to be taken a week at a time.

And you're right that notice should be given - it's supposed to be 3 weeks notice, so not of immediate use to OP and her family.

https://www.acas.org.uk/parental-leave

Derail over, but I hope this info might be of use to some.

Hope OP and family feel better soon and DH gets his act together.

It took a week between DD2 and DD1 getting the same bug, said bug then got DH and finally me - it put me in hospital.

Honestly, stay home, we did and we didn't pass it to anyone outside the household, luckily.

My DDs and DH stayed home for as long as I was in hospital even when their symptoms had stopped to ensure we were all clear.

Nothing worse than being in work/school with people who are unwell, especially this time of year!

A week or so off isn't the end of the world, especially in that it allows you to FULLY recover and prevent infecting others.

Reading your thread twice I understand your frustration, but you really are being unfair.

Ive been the mum of 3, Sen children involved and a night working husband for most of that time.

Hes been asleep all day because he has to work tonight, his night time is during the day. He is also not ill, it’s Christmas weekend and it will look bad on him ringing in to assist you. Time off for present wrapping or going shopping really isn’t fair on his colleagues who may have to work harder or even called in on their evening off.

Yes it’s horrible you’re not feeling great and you might have to power through and reduce your expectations of Christmas. I’ve done it many times and then had to man up and go to work myself.

Take a duvet day tomorrow, postpone Christmas if needed. You can do this.

I actually think he's better off going to work. At least there's less chance of him getting it as well. There's a high chance he will if he stays home with 3 already infected. I've done it myself with 2 autistic kids and their dad wasn't much help. Self employed and often working away.

No. You will just have to manage as best as you can.

💯THIS

It sounds like he uses his night shift to be a lazy father much of the rest of the time.

He shouldn't get a say in whether Christmas gets postponed or not. He isn't helping you (be sure to point that out to him), so YOU get to decide what is best for you and the children. If they are too ill to enjoy the day fully, they should be allowed to wait until they can.
He just keeps acting selfish, and I hope he doesn't do this all the time. Autistic or not, he needs to step up and be a parent.

Of course no one should say LTB if this is the only time he has dropped the ball, but if he is always dropping the ball, or dropping it too often, to the point where you need to act as a single parent too often, something needs to change.

You don't say how old your children are, or if they are able to watch themselves for a while. I think in a case like this my DH wouldn't think twice about taking a day off to pitch in. Of course it depends on what his sick policy is at work.

In the past I have been ill with children at home. Spend the day on the couch, put pillows and blankets on the floor for the children and put tv shows on for them. Finger food for lunch and snacks, block off rooms that you don't want the kids to go into. If there is laundry due to sickness, just let it pile up in the laundry. Kids can go without baths for a few days unless they have soiled themselves.

Never mind about Christmas, you still have Saturday and Sunday to get a bit done if you are feeling better. One solid day of rest will do you the world of good.

I hope you all feel better soon.

I would feel murderous but I have explained to my Dh that if he thinks leaving me alone to care for dc and get things done as usual when I’m sick is a divorceable offence because what is the fucking point of being married when they fuck off when you’re sick, and I feel this very very strongly. So my Dh would be staying home and doing Every Thing as a partner should.

we both work places that of course understand our family needs our attention sometimes because otherwise they’d be shitty employers and we’d have to go work fro someone else.

@Mumof2teens79 Different policy where I work then. You can take unpaid leave ti care for your children if your partner or they are Ill or in a emergency.

What am I reading 😕He has two very sick kids with additional needs. Their primary caregiver is unable to care for them because she is ill therefore unavailable. He needs to take carer's leave to look after his very sick young children. Do you think that he should leave young kids with D&V alone and to fend for themselves. Of course not. This is absolutely a moment for caregiver's leave and it's the reason it was invented. He is a parent and he must look after his children.

If the kids are too sick on Christmas Day then of course you postpone the festivities OP. Your DH does not get the ultimate say and certainly doesn't get to decide based on what suits him. He's been so useless that I can't imagine having him present on Christmas Day is going to make much difference. Choose the day that suits the kids.

Hope you feel better soon, I know how hard it is looking after little ones whilst you are ill, I had two under two. No way could my DH have taken time off work, my late MIL would have come over and helped me, she was an absolute angel. DH was self employed, we couldn’t have afforded him to take a day off, with the mortgage, bills etc.

Actually I think it's the other way round - tbe issue being slackness generally. Do t know DH's occupation - but Requiring him to take a Day off work unreasonable at this time of year

What makes you think he'll wrap tbe presents if he takes a day off work?

No - the more on point provisions are EMERGENCY time off for family and dependents. Whether wrapping Christmas presents constitutes an emergency is another matter - but sick wife and children might be. Issue is whether employer thinks he's taking the piss

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Not sure if he decided to go to work or stay home but if he expects someone to take his shift today he might have to swap it for a Christmas Eve or day shift and then you will have no Christmas, so you need to consider this. Holiday period shifts will be hard to swap. But it sounds like it’s a real crisis so Christmas isn’t relevant of course. Just get better and do Christmas next week if he has to work it.

@Arseflu I hope you and your DCs are all feeling a little better today.

You DH if he's on the spectrum is displaying exactly what I'd expect - everyone being ill has tipped his anxiety over and that's why he hasn't done anything - he's overwhelmed himself.
YANBU btw but he just isn't able to help today.

I wouldn't bother wrapping pressies - I stopped doing it years ago. Ask them to close their eyes, then hand the pressie to them. The surprise is the same.

Also if you're too ill to bath the kids, leave them a day. It won't harm them. You can only do what you can.

if it were me, assuming you have a TV in your bedroom, I'd stay in bed and bring the kids into your bedroom with 1 toy and a book each. Rest up whilst they play/watch TV in your room.

Ref the stuff that needs to be bought, order it online and let someone bring it to you - eg use whoosh at tesco or amazon.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas in spite of it x

You say:Christmas is about the kids. If you can’t wrap the presents, order this list of things and prep the meal, then we are postponing Christmas. I’m not going to rise from my sickbed so a capable adult man gets Christmas on the day he wants it while having done fuck all to prepare things and while his children are too unwell to enjoy it.

This ⬆️ My autistic husband wouldn’t need asking As a kind and loving individual he wouldn’t have sat on his phone all night and would have already cancelled his shift to support the family.

You just got to get on with it we currently have 3 sick toddlers and a teenager for the last week and methe last 3 days. Ahhh it's hard but hubby on his last day of work today

He sounds fairly useless op. I hope he bucks his ideas up and helps out a but more today. I hope you feel better soon too. Alternate between dioralyte and lucozade. Hopefully it will be a short lived bug.

He did bugger all for the DC when he got up. He got up at 5 and he spent most of the 4 hours before work sitting on the sofa watching YouTube videos.

I can't see what help he would be to be honest. It sounds like he has just left you to it even when he was around.

Honestly? Your 'job' shouldn't be 24/7 while he gets to 'rest' from his and absolve himself from home/children/holiday duties.

I would absolutely be kicking off right now.