Been with DP 5 years, and MIL/his family expect us to alway be available on Easter Sunday, Xmas, Boxing Day, and the Sunday after any family birthday free, every year without fail.
For everything except Xmas, they usually don’t mention anything until 24-48 hours before, and then call to check that we’ll be there at a location of their choosing, which is always in the town where they live but 25 mins from us. When we’ve suggested meeting in the middle (sometimes for fairness and sometimes for a refreshing change, they say they don’t like the menu or it’s too expensive - which it isn’t, it’s the same as the places they go).
In total this is 9 weekends of the year, including the summer bank hol and the weekend before Xmas. If we say sorry, we can’t do tomorrow as we have plans and nothing had been mentioned by you, they say “well you KNOW we do this on this day every year”. Which is true, but I don’t think we should be so inflexibly bound by their traditions?
DP is so used to this behaviour that he doesn’t question it, which makes navigating the topic very hard. I come from a family where everyone is very relaxed about when we celebrate things, and makes plans far in advance so everyone is clear on what’s going on. I’ve tried to ask for more notice, and suggested perhaps we could do a weekday evening sometimes instead of a whole Sunday. But they won’t budge and always make an excuse.
For context - his family work either part time or don’t work due to disability, and we both work full time Mon-Fri, so our weekends are precious for relaxing, getting housework and maintenance done, and seeing our friends, as well as family.
Am I insane/a control freak who can’t relinquish my diary? Or is this behaviour totally unfair on their part? DP and I have a very healthy relationship and have made our peace with each other about it, but it still causes issues when the family ring to confirm our attendance. Any advice?