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Original poster

Christmas ruined - what do I do?

390 replies

Mummytotwonow · 21/12/2023 21:58

My 8yr old has hunted and found all the Christmas presents wrapped up for her and her brother. I have spent bloody weeks getting the presents, organising fun things to do, school admin, whilst juggling FT work and all the other mental load women have to do. This has just fking topped it off. What’s the bloody point. Do I just tell her there’s no father Xmas and ruin Xmas for her and her brother or do I re-wrap everything? I feel like fking walking away. I’ve had enough :(

OP posts:
Fibromum247 · 22/12/2023 09:24

Christmas isn't ruined.
It can still be special.
Just treasure what you have.
My eldest child (now an adult) never did believe in Santa. His development froze as a one year old.
Even now as an adult, he feels no excitement. He just looks at his presents in confusion and pushes them away. 💔

Toooldtocareanymore · 22/12/2023 09:28

As you've said different houses different traditions -like you i was raised that all the presents are from santa , why would mum and dad be getting me and my siblings gifts? no they bought us something new to wear, and i carried that on with my kids, but also the tradition in our household was santa doesn't wrap presents usually teh elves were far too busy - it was magical all of us coming downstairs to see all the toys laid out. Anyway i am confused did she just find the stash or did she unwrap them? maybe you should just start a new tradition get a large gift bag and unwrap her presents so she doesn't know that was what she found i wouldn't bother re wrapping what difference does it make to 8 and 9 year olds.

forgotmyusername1 · 22/12/2023 09:35

We have always done a small stocking gift from santa and a bag of chocolate coins - this year younger one has a whoopee cushion and a colouring book and older one has a diablo and a tin of spam (inside joke... he knows about Santa and really likes Spam so this will make him laugh) so very small gift from santa. Everything else is from family.

Makes things much easier if going away for christmas as we did two years ago.

DeclineandFall · 22/12/2023 09:36

Just rewrap 2 gifts for each child in different wrapping and say they are from Santa and the rest from you. If she hasn't opened she won't notice or will pretend not to. That's what we do - a couple from Santa, rest from us. Plus stocking from Santa- because that's magic. As they get older its harder to buy things, or get deliveries and hide them without the kids noticing so this way it gives you an out.

Christmassss · 22/12/2023 09:40

She obviously doesn’t believe, this is the ideal time to phase him out. I think my peak enjoyment years were just after I stopped believing until teens. No need for any more lies.

Superquiet · 22/12/2023 09:44

WickDittington · 22/12/2023 09:20

Like other posters, I’ve never understood this “presents from Santa” stuff. Father Christmas brings a stocking. Presents are from each other and teach us all a lot about giving and care and thought for each other.

Something a child of 8 is old enough to start to learn.

I think the "presents from Santa" thing starts from writing letter to Santa which a lot of children like to do. It's the magic of them feeling that Santa got their letter and brought something they really wanted.

In our house, Santa brings one present from the list and small stocking presents, because the DCs got so much fun from wondering "what Santa will bring". Yes it meant that "Santa" got the credit for bringing a "proper" present along with stocking bits, but the DCs loved it.

In my DH's house growing up, they didn't credit Santa with any presents specifically, his parents said they sent all the presents to Santa and he delivered them. Personally I felt this took out a bit of the fun and seemed a bit businesslike, I'd rather Santa just bring stocking presents than turn him into a delivery service. But it's each to their own. Our compromise that Santa brings one present from the list plus stocking bits has worked well for us.

Janiie · 22/12/2023 09:51

As many others have said she is 8 not 3, the perfect time to have the chat about Santa and her db is a year older please please tell him. Don't let him be the 9yr old in the playground whose friends all laugh at him.

Christmas isn't ruined. Good that you've realised you overreacted, just shrug it off.

Munchyseeds2 · 22/12/2023 09:57

All kids do this at some point - I know I did!
No big deal, just carry on as normal
An 8 year old will be starting to work out its not real if they haven't already anyway.

gnarlynarwhal · 22/12/2023 10:09

Just tell them that some presents are from you and some are from Santa and that you send off your presents for Santa to deliver and put under the tree on Christmas morning. Try not too make too much of a big deal out of it in front of her. If she’s 8 she probably won’t believe next year anyway. Give yourself a break OP, sometimes these things happen.

sunshinemode · 22/12/2023 10:14

Sometimes Santa needs a bit of help if he is very busy and drops off to parents a bit early?

onlyjustme · 22/12/2023 10:25

One year my older brother found our presents...
My mum was brilliant - she simply said she hadn't sent them to Santa yet!
So I believed that my parents bought the presents, send them to Santa and if I am good he will bring them to me.
I used this with my children too. So I get the credit for buying stuff. They still have to behave or Santa won't bring their gifts!
Also helps explain the disparity - why some children get more than others, not from behaviour as much as from what their parents can afford.

SilverCatStripes · 22/12/2023 10:26

You need to change your thinking OP - your DD is a child, not a small version of a grown up, and she hasn’t done this to hurt you or act like an idiot on purpose , she’s 8 and 8 year olds are full of curiosity - and that’s a good thing !!

Don’t make a drama out of it, just leave the presents as is. If this is the point in her life when she realises Father Christmas isn’t real then it is what is, it won’t ruin this Christmas or any other Christmas.

NoTouch · 22/12/2023 10:28

Mummytotwonow · 21/12/2023 23:36

Thank you for all your comments. I can see I’ve massively over reacted. I didn’t know any different until a couple of years ago that Santa only brings stocking presents and I had just copied what my parents did with me. It was then too late for me to change it. I would much rather get the credit.
Her brother is a year older, but still really believes.
After reading everyone’s posts, thank you for taking the time, I’m going to wake up in the morning and pretend it never happened. Hope that she doesn’t mention it and carryon as normal. Hopefully like others have said the excitement on the day might make her forget.

I didn’t know any different until a couple of years ago that Santa only brings stocking presents

I have never heard of Santa only bring stocking present either, we have heard because it is not a thing. It is a choice some parents make. It is also common and normal for Santa to bring everything.

Christmas will still be magical. If they ask about the gifts, say something very vague about Santa's workshop being busy this year and you were helping him, then be busy doing something/change subject, don't let them interrogate you in the next few days. They will be too excited on Christmas day to care.

Have a great Christmas!

kitsuneghost · 22/12/2023 10:30

When we done that my mum said Santa's sleigh was full and he was picking those up after he had dropped ours off.
We didn't realise / didn't remember that the presents were the same come Christmas day

horseyhorsey17 · 22/12/2023 10:31

I wouldn't worry about it in the slightest. I'm sure at 8 she knows Santa isn't real anyway. If she says anything, pretend you're one of Santa's part-time elves as he has to operate on a franchise due to the vastness of the population. That's what I used to tell my kids. Obviously they didn't believe any of it but it was funny. Ohhhh the magic of Christmas.

Zebedee999 · 22/12/2023 10:34

At that age I used to hunt/find the presents, unwrap them then rewrap hahha.

howandwhyyy · 22/12/2023 10:37

I didn’t know any different until a couple of years ago that Santa only brings stocking presents and I had just copied what my parents did with me

@Mummytotwonow Santa doesn't only bring stocking presents!!

I think this is the point @Mummytotwonow Santa brings what you want him to bring!
He can fill the stockings only.
He can supply everything under the tree including the gifts from parents
He can supply some random things under the tree that are just from him and not from the parents which are their gifts.
He can do stockings and under the tree.

There's no right or wrong. Its whatever your only family tradition is. santa knows what to do in every house.

Sugarfree23 · 22/12/2023 10:37

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/12/2023 23:44

If she was looking for them, then, surely she doesn't believe in it anyway? So frustrating for you though.

My thoughts exactly.
She's been raking about she knows.

I can't believe how many parents think their kids still believe at 9 and 10. Surely most kids know by about 8?

I was first told 'it was only your mum and dad at 6. But was still steeped in Santa but another year or so and I knew it was mum and dad.

diddl · 22/12/2023 10:38

I didn’t know any different until a couple of years ago that Santa only brings stocking presents and I had just copied what my parents did with me.

Father Christmas always bought us everything & we did the same for our kids.

Other friends/relatives would drop stuff off in the run up.

You can do it however you want!

Never occurred to me to take credit for being FC & as a kid I loved the idea of someone else getting all the presents & saving the parents the bother!

Insidelaurashead · 22/12/2023 10:40

I think it's time, OP, that you explain to her that parents buy the presents and send them to Santa (which is why some children get different amounts of presents, not because Santa thinks some children are more or less 'good') and yours she found were waiting to go to Santa. Santa used to in my house add one present, wrapped in different paper, that he thought we would really like.

Sugarfree23 · 22/12/2023 10:41

I think everyone does Santa differently.
Every family has their own way of doing it, no right or wrong, just differently.
I don't think it's a regional or class thing it's just families are different.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 22/12/2023 10:43

Give them a lump of coal each wrapped up and then watch their little faces drop. Then give them their presents after and tell them that the elves had to rewrap them and they were very upset. They probably know there is no Father Christmas.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/12/2023 10:44

Mummytotwonow · Yesterday 22:12

It’s always been all presents for Santa. Her birthday is on the NYE so I think she might have been hunting to see presents for that. I know it’s not the end of the world, but it just feel so crap. It’s knocked any excitement or Xmas spirit out of me.”

Huge over-reaction.

Urgh2302 · 22/12/2023 10:48

Haven’t read the full thread, OP, but I get it; when you work so hard for so long trying so hard to have everything perfect, something like this can feel like such a kick in the teeth. You feel like the value of your effort is diminished. Hope it all works out and that your kids, in time, appreciate all that you do for them x

MummyJ36 · 22/12/2023 10:49

Just putting it out there OP that when I was younger all my presents came from Santa too and I thought it was magical!! It’s only when my DH suggested that santas presents came in a stocking that I rethought things. But even now we get DC’s a couple of gifts from us and all other presents from Santa. I see no problem with Santa giving the main gifts! That’s part of the magic and it only lasts a few years anyway. Also just to add, I was 9 before I figured out about Santa! I asked my mum straight and she told me and I was lowkey gutted. But I never thought of myself as hugely old to be believing in Santa up until that point!