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Original poster

Christmas ruined - what do I do?

390 replies

Mummytotwonow · 21/12/2023 21:58

My 8yr old has hunted and found all the Christmas presents wrapped up for her and her brother. I have spent bloody weeks getting the presents, organising fun things to do, school admin, whilst juggling FT work and all the other mental load women have to do. This has just fking topped it off. What’s the bloody point. Do I just tell her there’s no father Xmas and ruin Xmas for her and her brother or do I re-wrap everything? I feel like fking walking away. I’ve had enough :(

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 22/12/2023 05:33

As a child part pf rhe fun was looking for presents we knew our parents got them and santagot afew that's what we do in our house.

ClaireEclair · 22/12/2023 05:35

Katbum · 21/12/2023 22:41

I would have been in so much trouble for this, and if it were my own DC, they would be getting majorly punished for this. At the very least several presents taken away and additional chores! Really bratty behaviour. Horrid.

I feel so bad for you! What a horrible childhood you must have had!

anotherside · 22/12/2023 05:44

@ThickPinkSocks

We are not supposed to mention the 10,000 children Israel has killed or 2 million displaced civilians on Mumsnet.

Askforwisdom · 22/12/2023 06:03

Haven't read all the replies but you have my full sympathy. My 8 year old son goes rooting around and manages to spoil every surprise I've ever planned for him. I don't think it's respectful rummaging around and have told him to stop going through my things or there'll be no more surprises. I have gone to so much effort to plan nice surprises in the past and they got ruined and it feels so deflating. In the end, it doesn't really matter though! You'll still have a nice Christmas and will look back on this and laugh.

decionsdecisions62 · 22/12/2023 06:12

Just wrap them and they are her Xmas presents. If she's disappointed well I'm afraid she has learned a valuable lesson.

ItsNotOkItsNotTheEnd · 22/12/2023 06:14

As a kid I remember finding the presents and having a good feel and guessing what they were. It didn't ruin the excitement on Christmas morning for me at all. I was almost more excited to see if I had guessed right! What has she said about FC now she's found them? I suspect she knew he wasn't real if she went looking as you usually say they are all from him. It's a lot of build up for children so it's pretty natural they can't wait

psuedocream3 · 22/12/2023 06:21

If you have time, can you rewrap them in different paper?

Nanaof1 · 22/12/2023 06:27

Sorry, OP, I didn't bother to read past the first page, so the PP are spot on with their advice.

Since my situation was over 30+ years ago, I think I am safe from getting castigated and run through the coals.

When my DD found some presents, I admit, I was sad/mad but she didn't know I knew she had hunted for them.
So, I decided we needed to have a talk, because I wanted to extend the Santa love and her brother was quite little. So, I fibbed a little.
I basically told her that now she is bigger she can know one of Santa's secrets. He cannot get all around the world with ALL the toys in one night. So, if parents are okay with it, Santa drops off some toys early. That way, when he comes on Christmas Eve, he can relax, have cookies and milk and do stockings and leave a couple of special items. I had to promise Santa that I would never ever peek at any of them, and I promised him my children were always on the nice list so they would never hurt him by peeking.

A couple years later, she knew there was not a "real" Santa, but then came the talk of the spirit of Santa and that she could not ruin it for her brother. If she did, she would get nothing but underwear for all the rest of her Christmases (with a wink). She also got to do the fun stuff, like going with me shopping for Toys 4 Tots and the angel tree. She never told him and with her being quite a bit older, she played along with an Oscar-worthy performance for several years.

Gameofmoans81 · 22/12/2023 06:28

Take a couple from each pile and wrap ina new paper. They can be the ones from Santa, the rest from you

pillof · 22/12/2023 06:29

Eight is surely a bit old for behaving like this, sneaking around.

But Christmas is not 'ruined', don't be so silly. Some people would even say Christmas isn't actually about presents!

Chill out, don't rewrap them. Here's your presents, that you already found. Don't even mention the Santa stuff.

OnceUponATimeInChristmasTime · 22/12/2023 06:36

BusySittingDown · 21/12/2023 22:26

Can you say that you send them to Santa and he brings them on Christmas Eve? He decides which ones she's been good enough for him to bring back, he may not bring all of them 😉.

My mum always used to tell me that she bought presents to send to Santa and he delivered them on Christmas Eve. As an adult this makes absolutely no sense to me (his elves make the toys so why did my mum have to buy them? Why was Santa a middle man?) but as a child I bought it hook, line and sinker. In fact, when I worked in school there were a few children who believed that their parents "sent" their presents to Santa.

This is the line in our family too. That way the kids know who the presents are actually from but still have the excitement of Santa. We don't do Santa gifts. He's just the courier. I don't know how it works, it just does. GrinWink

Panaa · 22/12/2023 06:39

beanontoast · 21/12/2023 22:06

Tell her those are the presents from you, and now she won’t get any extra presents from Santa because she’s done a bad deed

That's a horrible suggestion.
She'd be better off telling her that he's not real and she shouldn't have done it but she's in on the secret now so not to ruin it for her brother.

If she still believes then it would be better to tell her he's not real rather than tell her she's getting nothing from him because she did a bad deed.

Cinderellanellabella · 22/12/2023 06:41

Why so many harsh comments towards an eight year old child? She's eight...Christmas is an exciting time, I always remember my siblings and I having lots of fun trying to hunt for our Christmas presents. No child wakes up in the morning and thinks I will maliciously try to destroy Christmas by hunting for presents. I really don't understand those who are calling for the child to be punished. OP, I understand how you feel, Christmas can be incredibly stressful sometimes. But try not to worry, your children will enjoy opening their presents and I'm sure you will have a brilliant time.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 22/12/2023 06:50

Firstly, she's 8, she didn't do it to hurt you.

Secondly, if she still believes in Santa tell her what my parents told us. You buy and wrap them and send them to Santa to bring back. You can add anything you want to that (occasionally if we were being brats we would be reminded that Santa didn't have to bring the presents back...).

It's annoying, I get that but Christmas is not ruined. And stop being a martyr. Have nice family time in the run up but don't run yourself into the ground for it, it's just a day. And delegate to DH/DP so it's not all on you.

banjocat · 22/12/2023 06:52

It's incredibly common for kids to go looking for presents. The excitement of it all is just too much for them.

Don't be mad at her, just get on with it and enjoy yourselves. It's not ruined
unless you make it that way.

JudgeJ · 22/12/2023 06:53

anotherside · 22/12/2023 05:44

@ThickPinkSocks

We are not supposed to mention the 10,000 children Israel has killed or 2 million displaced civilians on Mumsnet.

Or The Use and Abuse of Statistics !

yepmeagain · 22/12/2023 06:59

Give her her (unwrapped) presents and tell her they were from you.

Tell her she didn't get any presents from Santa because she was naughty hunting and opening them.

A stocking with a lump of coal in would complete the picture.

See? Easily sorted with no drama!

WickDittington · 22/12/2023 07:08

Eveeeeeee · 21/12/2023 22:00

Sorry op that sounds exhausting and frustrating. But it’s not her fault, she’s just an excited child.

Do you tell her all the presents are from Santa?

I would rewrap in different paper.

Don’t do this @Mummytotwonow ! Your DD has been wound up by the relentless commercialisation and ramping up of blatant consumerism and greed. It might be a useful lesson for her to learn - that surprises are surprises, and this kind of behaviour is not pleasant.

it’s quite natural for an 8 year old to appear to be greedy in this way, but she also needs to learn that her “instincts” need a bit of self-control.

I’d also be thinking about the household atmosphere which led her to this behaviour.

Don’t do it all over again. It’s a tough call at 8 years old but she’s old enough to understand about a bit of self-control leading to greater pleasure on Christmas Day. You might also want to think about lowering expectations and pressure of “best Christmas ever”! That puts so much pressure on you and her.

RowanMayfair · 22/12/2023 07:11

I was 8 when I got suspicious and spoiled it for myself by staying up long enough to see my grandad sneak in and fill the stocking. Life went on, Christmas was still fun, nothing terrible happened. They will find out at some point, there's no value stringing it out longer than it needs to.

3luckystars · 22/12/2023 07:14

Honestly I know you are tired but you will laugh at this in a weeks time.

Take all the wrapping off, put them into a black bag and say Santa isn’t wrapping your gifts any more due to the environment. Job done.

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 07:19

I agree with the posters who advise don't re-wrap (haven't you had enough to do already this Xmas?!). Your DD now knows about Santa and loses the surprises - it had to happen anyway.

But don't waste energy being angry either.

Put your feet up and do something nice for yourself. Smile when you realise that next Xmas will now be a whole lot easier now that the Santa stuff can stop. No more treats for Santa and the reindeer etc.

Thatcat · 22/12/2023 07:22

It’s annoying, but your Christmas isn’t ruined. You don’t have to re-wrap anything.
Just enjoy the day and try not to let all your joy centre on the kids reaction to gifts.

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 07:23

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 21/12/2023 23:09

I always did all presents front Santa. It didn't occur to me otherwise.

Families where all presents are from Santa, what about presents from Grandma, Aunties etc? Do the children think they come from Santa? Does that mean Grandma and Auntie never get a thank you from the children? And don't the children ever buy, or help to buy and wrap, presents from them to Grandma and Auntie?

I can only speak for my family, but we lived in a vacuum. Mum was antisocial and fell out with all her family. Parents always on edge of divorce (they eventually did divorce when I was 18). So it was always just us kids and Mum. Dad hardly ever appeared at Xmas. We never had friends and they wouldn't have been allowed to our home even if we had.

I know that's not the norm, but it had me believing in Santa at an embarrassingly late age!

Nottodaty · 22/12/2023 07:26

My children now 20 & 14 tell many tails of trying to find the presents. It never ruined Christmas if they found them or peeked at a couple!

I never knew they went peaking!

Ginnnny · 22/12/2023 07:27

I think you’ve let stress of the season get to you and you’re overreacting! She’s a child, as you state, there’s no need to be quite so cross with her. When I was little I found all the wrapped presents and my mum told me sometimes santa drops presents off early… maybe try that rather than cancelling Christmas!