Boob photo on dh's phone 🥹

[Honeyplease]

Been having marital problems for a while, but of weird sexual coercive type behaviour on dh's part.
Both been working hard on ourselves/relationship and DH is having therapy. In a generally good place but I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him.

He was just showing me some videos of the kids on his phone, went back into his camera roll and I could see a photo of some boobs at the top... I quickly said "What's that!!?" And he quickly put on another video and I repeat "what was that, boobs?" And he said "don't be silly watch the video" he came out of it and I saw them again very quickly... By this point my heart is beating out of my chest .
First he denies it completely, then tries saying I'd seen something else. Then says it's probably something embarrassing like a screen shot of porn by accident. Then goes off in a huff.

I finishing cleaning the kitchen and I am fuming.

He's just come back and said "sorry, it was a screenshot of porn. I've deleted it now. I was embarrassed because I've felt so weird about porn and sex and masturbation etc lately"

I've told him to prove what it was because at the moment my head is going to the worst places and I do not believe him.
Also, the gaslighting has sent me bonus extra livid. I've just gone upstairs I can't stand to talk to him.

The photo was just of a chest and boobs and it seemed to have a green border.
Can anyone tell me, do screenshots save onto camera roll on an iPhone?

Also help with the general situation 🙃

Screenshots do save onto camera roll on iPhone, but I don’t think that means he’s necessarilly telling the truth! Deleted iPhone photos go into a ‘recently deleted’ folder so unless he has also cleared that you might be able to get him to recover the photos to see if he appears to be telling the truth.

I think he's having you on.

Theres no need to screenshot it when youre in private and can look at still photos for moving images.

My screenshots go into a specific screenshot folder, bit my general camera reel.

Did it look like a selfie of boobs?

I'm sorry you're upset & worried.

Yes they do & look no different to actual photos.

it might well be a screen shot of boobs or a real photo either taken or sent to him.

I'm guessing your biggest worry is an affair?

iPhone screenshots do go into your camera roll but that doesn’t mean his story is true. He should show you it properly if it’s really an innocent mistake.

I doubt an affair but maybe cams or someone sending nudes.
It absolutely looked like a selfie of boobs.

I mean porn is embarrassing but if it gets you off the hook from yr wife thinking worse, wouldn't you just show it?

Can you check his recently deleted photos? There is an album which contains those. If it's gone from there too then he would have manually removed it from there also, which is just suspicious and unusual.

Ask for his unlocked phone and then you’ll be able to see internet history, apps, look in his recently deleted photos etc.

If he has something to hide he will say anything to stop you accessing his phone. Including more gaslighting, throwing accusations at you of cheating and calling you crazy.

If he is cross and annoyed but lets you look at his phone then you’re probably ok.

I don't know about looking through his phone even with his consent, just seems like a power play.

I'm still seething in the bath ATM. Not sure what to do next.

May as about recently deleted.

As others have said, screenshots do go into iPhone camera roll.

There is the recently deleted folder, but to be honest I wouldn’t say it means anything if it’s deleted from there as well because that’s what I do automatically, I delete something then delete it from recently deleted for storage purposes, if I’ve deleted something I don’t want or need it sitting on my phone taking up space, so I don’t think that’s worth thinking too much into.

If it had a border that does suggest it’s a screenshot from either a porn video/cam website or something. I don’t think anyone who is just sending nudes to a partner would be putting a border onto them

Ask him to show you recently deleted. If he'a cleared it that's definitely very shady

Sorry, if he's cleared the folder its shady

Sorry, statistically he's probably cheating if he's got this.

I’ve voted YABU because you are for even contemplating continuing in this relationship. You make him sound like a dreadful, sexually devious freak who lies and gaslights you. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

Ps who cares about random boob photos- even if they’re from an affair at this point?!

Ask him to show recently deleted and hidden albums. It may be a screenshot he's saved for his bank 😏 or it may be one he's been sent. Either way, grim.

His reaction says it all- this is a terror response and damage limitation to introduce doubt. If it was simple porn my husband would have laughed and shown me the picture and marvelled how that happened. He is definitely hiding something you would not be ok with. Sorry OP.

Knowing the full truth is probably irrelevant to a point because this is not a healthy relationship and he is not being honest with you about something. Even if it was a screenshot of a porn site, he was worried it was something very incriminating, so much he had to leave the room to go check on it himself.

Don’t tip toe around it or else it will eat you up. Tell him you want to see his deleted album and don’t take any excuses. If it really is porn there won’t be an issue. You shouldn’t have to continue living in doubt.

OP, is he worth this hassle?

I don’t know, lately I’ve been wondering why we women put ourselves through this bullshit. What are we actually gaining other than a boatload of heartache? He’s shown who he is (and who someone else is, apparently). Believe him.

You deserve better.

Hmmm. You guys have history so I can see why your mind went there.

if I’d have seen that on DHs phone I would have assumed it was something his stupid mate had sent him and probably wouldn’t think much of it. Bug you know what your DH is like and more what it’s likely to be.

If it had a border that does suggest it’s a screenshot from either a porn video/cam website or something. I don’t think anyone who is just sending nudes to a partner would be putting a border onto them

This. There's no way someone he knows sending him a selfie would put a border on so,.surprisingly, I think he's in the clear on that specific issue.

I delete my recently deleted folder as soon as I delete photos. Nothing suss about that.

Weird that he should save one particular porn shot. I wonder if he got carried away and accidentally pressed the screenshot shortcut? Grim.

I'd ask to check his phone if he refuses I'd assume it's something he was sent

He's been sulking. I've just asked about recently deleted, he says he cleared that too.

It's all blown up and we've had a full big row. He's just pushed me and shouted in my face.

Oh merry Christmas.

Well you're not going to know unless you do, are you? You've already done the 'right thing' and asked him directly and you're none the wiser. So the only options you have left are to either check for yourself, or accept you'll never know and just keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.
In the scheme of things not wanting to check his phone surely barely matters against the thought your husband may be cheating.

Dickhead. My husband shouts at me. It’s horrible.
Is the pushing new? Has he done it before?
He’s talking shite, re. the boobs. Hence the anger.