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Original poster

Boob photo on dh's phone 🥹

117 replies

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 19:49

Been having marital problems for a while, but of weird sexual coercive type behaviour on dh's part.
Both been working hard on ourselves/relationship and DH is having therapy. In a generally good place but I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him.

He was just showing me some videos of the kids on his phone, went back into his camera roll and I could see a photo of some boobs at the top... I quickly said "What's that!!?" And he quickly put on another video and I repeat "what was that, boobs?" And he said "don't be silly watch the video" he came out of it and I saw them again very quickly... By this point my heart is beating out of my chest .
First he denies it completely, then tries saying I'd seen something else. Then says it's probably something embarrassing like a screen shot of porn by accident. Then goes off in a huff.

I finishing cleaning the kitchen and I am fuming.

He's just come back and said "sorry, it was a screenshot of porn. I've deleted it now. I was embarrassed because I've felt so weird about porn and sex and masturbation etc lately"

I've told him to prove what it was because at the moment my head is going to the worst places and I do not believe him.
Also, the gaslighting has sent me bonus extra livid. I've just gone upstairs I can't stand to talk to him.

The photo was just of a chest and boobs and it seemed to have a green border.
Can anyone tell me, do screenshots save onto camera roll on an iPhone?

Also help with the general situation 🙃

OP posts:
Loveandloveandlove · 21/12/2023 22:07

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 21:41

I highly doubt affair because he is not very sociable, doesn't know many people and we have young kids so they are always with him or me apart from work.
Its probably porn tbh but his whole reaction has been insane.

Feel like we're back to the leaving for temp accommodation route.

You’d be surprised when men can find the time to have an affair. My stbxh is extremely quiet, never wanted sex, etc, etc and he had an affair. He is not more desirable than me and I’m not saying this in an arrogant way. I still don’t understand why he cheated on me. Where there’s a will, there is a way for cheaters.

beanontoast · 21/12/2023 22:08

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 22:07

To be honest this was the very last chance, we decided to try with therapy on both sides and a better understanding, plus my dh holding himself accountable for being abusive in the past (like someone said above, when i was pregnant 2y ago)
We were doing ok, this has fucked it though I agree. I’ve reported to the police.
Dh appears to have left.

Edited

Can you access any computers or laptops he has? If you wanted to look for more proof you could log on and usually the photos will sync, he might also have WhatsApp web left connected that you could look at

redalex261 · 21/12/2023 22:10

The boob photo if related to porn viewing is not important. The aggression, pushing and shouting are. Did you have such an extreme reaction to the photo because:

you think he is getting pics from someone he is having sex with?

he has a porn addiction?

you object to porn?

or its connected to whatever his sexual coercion type behaviour is?

There is clearly ongoing issues in your relationship - you mentioned he is in therapy. Has he promised not to look at sex stuff on his phone? If this is the way he reacts to your justified questions then he’s not using whatever he’s supposed to have learned in therapy. If you are not satisfied with his behaviour and there is no real change you need to decide whats best for you and your children.

Original poster
Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 22:14

redalex261 · 21/12/2023 22:10

The boob photo if related to porn viewing is not important. The aggression, pushing and shouting are. Did you have such an extreme reaction to the photo because:

you think he is getting pics from someone he is having sex with?

he has a porn addiction?

you object to porn?

or its connected to whatever his sexual coercion type behaviour is?

There is clearly ongoing issues in your relationship - you mentioned he is in therapy. Has he promised not to look at sex stuff on his phone? If this is the way he reacts to your justified questions then he’s not using whatever he’s supposed to have learned in therapy. If you are not satisfied with his behaviour and there is no real change you need to decide whats best for you and your children.

I didnt really have an extreme reaction to the photo, more the way he acted when he realised I had seen it. Honestly, if he’d shown me and said “oh but embarrassing, i took a screen shot that was meant to be private” or similar - no problem. I’d probably poke fun for days but it wouldnt bother me.
His reaction was to hide it, pretend it wasn’t there, say i’d seen something else etc. very defensive. Just makes me very suspicious of him.

OP posts:
Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 21/12/2023 22:15

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 21:41

I highly doubt affair because he is not very sociable, doesn't know many people and we have young kids so they are always with him or me apart from work.
Its probably porn tbh but his whole reaction has been insane.

Feel like we're back to the leaving for temp accommodation route.

You know there are dating sites hook up sites . Or all weird and not so wonderful sites. .
He could be accessing anything at any time .

Either way you should run for the hills.
This is only going to get worse .

Can you call the police so he leaves before Xmas and not you? Save the kids being up rooted ?

Popcorn23 · 21/12/2023 22:16

Well done for reporting him to the police. I hope you and your children have a safe stress free Christmas without him.

SheSaidHummingbird · 21/12/2023 22:18

Forget the photo OP, if he is shouting in your face and physically assaulting you, you must ask to leave and report to the police. Protect your children. protect yourself.

momonpurpose · 21/12/2023 22:23

Well done OP ! Best wishes on a new happy life with your children ❤️

J007 · 21/12/2023 22:24

I would say this is fairly common. I don't do it but, I am part of a couple of WhatsApp groups where pictures like this are sent. My football group is the worst - I could imagine he has taken a screenshot to send to a 'lads' group like this..

Ooops - I should've read more than the opening post! Seems he is an idiot!

beanontoast · 21/12/2023 22:26

It’s not an extreme reaction when seeing someone else’s tits on your husband’s phone. You don’t have to accept your partner watching porn. Not every man has a porn addled smooth brain. The bar really is in hell.

sonicmum2002 · 21/12/2023 22:30

If he's pushing you, that's assault! OP, that's awful and this is maybe one for the police. Are you safe?

easilydistracted1 · 21/12/2023 22:30

You know what it is a merry Christmas. You're free. This could all just be a terrible memory one day and hopefully not something your kids remember too much of. Your description of his history sounds as bad as the present at least though.

DragonMama3 · 21/12/2023 22:33

An affair - blowing up is classic. Sorry xxxxxxxxx

DragonMama3 · 21/12/2023 22:35

They think with their penises....

Katbum · 21/12/2023 22:45

If he deleted without showing, then he’s hiding something. Broken trust here I think, on him to show you his deleted folder.

porridgeisbae · 21/12/2023 23:00

Well done @Honeyplease . Keep going. Freeing yourself from him might be stressful at times at first, but then it'll be worth it I promise you.

Birdcar · 21/12/2023 23:06

"Weird sexual coercive type behaviour" is not something to work on. It's something to run from.

Thegoodbadandugly · 21/12/2023 23:08

So he's deleted it then emptied the deleted folder that tells you all you need to know.

HowToSaveAWife · 21/12/2023 23:14

"I am still very very nervous about sex and intimacy with him."

Stop trying to fight your gut reaction to him. This is all you need to know that this is not a good person or a good situation for you.

Maddy70 · 21/12/2023 23:17

Screenshits and nedua sentbthrough whatsapp etc go onto my camera roll

Andthereyougo · 21/12/2023 23:34

Honeyplease · 21/12/2023 21:17

He's been sulking. I've just asked about recently deleted, he says he cleared that too.

It's all blown up and we've had a full big row. He's just pushed me and shouted in my face.

Oh merry Christmas.

Why are you putting up with this? And all his other obnoxious behaviour?
How would your life look without the coercion and gaslighting, the shouting, the lying ?

Beentheredonethat123 · 21/12/2023 23:43

Sorry OP but that's 100% gaslighting.
He's messing around with someone either online or IRL.
And you can't screenshot from porn sites as far as I'm aware.

MistletoeandJd · 21/12/2023 23:55

I dint want to be the one.... but border could have been from new disappearing photo type situations ? You gotta ss fast I don't see the use of ss porn =/.

He has acted violenty tonight and you need to now move on and go into the new year with a fresh page for yourself !

PrincessLyrie · 21/12/2023 23:59

Green borders are created. Either by the publisher or him.
If you can, ask him.

Zippedydoodahday · 22/12/2023 00:03

Don't let your kids grow up thinking it is acceptable to scream in people's faces and push them around. They might not be aware of it yet, but in time they will be. Kick him to the kerb.

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